Also, I lived in a very well-off community and basically all of my friends and everyone I know gets to go off and have a wonderful fantastic college life on their own… I know NO ONE who is having the same situation as me, not even online, so it’s been a tough and confusing ride for me. Again, thanks for all the reality checks and advice you have all given me.
Just to clear things up:
I’m commuting my freshman year
-No dorms involved
-My parents bought a home in the city my college resides in, we have already moved in fact. It is about 30 minutes from campus.
I feel very grateful and fortunate to be able to further my education, traditional college life or not. Thanks.
That’s a better attitude. You will have plenty of time, probably 60 years, to live on your own, control most of your own decisions (with or without a partner.)
Don’t assume it’s that easy to work and go to college. Campus jobs are limited hours and off-campus work is about when they need you, not when you’re free to show up. You’ll have classes, exams, and need time for projects or papers.
We’re not saying to love your parents’ attitude. Rather to take what they are willing to pay and work toward your eventual freedoms. Glass half full. Not everyone who’s 18 or 20 “deserves” for their parents to pay a higher cost, just because they want it. In many ways, college kids still have a lot to prove.
I am sorry that you are not getting the ideal experience. I really do hurt for you. I broke our bank to give our kids what they wanted that way and I also worked like an obsessed fiend many years ago to get what I wanted in college choice. So these are not crocodile tears.
It’s sadly the way it works. The Golden Rule of “the one with the Gold, makes the Rules”. Until you are independent of your parents financially, the can pull the money strings to control you. So it can be in any future relationships too.
There have been times, Ive refused to financially support things and so they didnt happen . Or they did because I did pay up. Or, the person found the money and way on his own and did it independently. But always, we are allowed to make our choices with our own money.
If your parents feel it’s not in the budget to pay for sleep away college, it’s their decision not to do so. It runs $20-30k a school year for room and board for two kids. It’s not like they discount the prices for the two of you. Might be cheaper just to rent a place off campus unless you are in NYC or other high rent place. My kids paid less than $600 a month for their own rooms in a near college flat. Sublet during the summer.
My kids also really worked 3 jobs and more in the summer and often stashed away $10k or more. They waitered and bussed at catering and eateries, had near full or full time position elsewhere, and tutored and gave private sport lessons. House and pet sat when opportunities arose. Gave them money for some things they wanted to do that I did not want to pay
Kudos on your positive attitude. Take full advantage of your education and work towards independence after graduation.
Just one thought… I’ve seen two types of commuting students. Some commuting students go to college for class and then come right home while others spend a great deal of time on campus – they work hard to develop friendships , get involved in extracurricular activities, meet with professors after class, eat on campus, stay late for social events or to study in the library etc. Try to be that second type of commuting student. Ask your parents to buy you a small meal plan on campus so you can eat lunch/dinner there when you want (or find a way to do this for yourself if need be). If there is a commuting student group join that to meet others in your position. Immerse yourself as much as possible in campus life. It isn’t ideal but make the most of your opportunity.
Consider that you ought to be on campus at 9 or 10 every morning, till 9 or 10 every evening. Book tutors, organize study groups (typically 7-9 or 8-10pm), enroll in clubs with meeting times but also weekend activities (Habitat for Humanity, outdoors club…) During the day, beided classes labs, library, and meals, go to office hours and participate in clubs. Have an on-campus job (look for it now).
You should have a full day on campus.
There is no one right way to raise children, so we as parents aren’t really entitled to criticize your parents. However, I do believe your parents are making choices that could easily jeopardize their relationships with their children, despite their presumably best intentions.
We know next to nothing about the parents’ finances. Maybe they are just painting a picture that makes it seem like they can’t afford to let the kids live on campus. Maybe the story is valid, although the move that was made could have cost a small fortune. Who knows? Maybe there were more affordable choices elsewhere in the state or beyond, given decent merit or even need-based aid (two kids in school and we have no idea how much parents make or what their assets look like).
I have no reason not to trust the parents, other than the fact that they are clearly controlling. It doesn’t really matter, as they are entitled to handle the situation as they see fit. But I also wouldn’t blame the OP for being a little bitter. My advice at this point is to make the best of the situation, and make sure you don’t set yourself up to be controlled by them for the next decade or longer. Finally, remember how you feel, and don’t let this happen as you raise your own children in the future.
you’re very kind for your input.