So, recently I had been feuding with my parents over being able to live in dorms or not. My house is around 30 minutes away from campus, and that’s with no morning traffic. I do NOT want to commute, money is not a problem, I want a social life, and I feel like I am ready to experience independence. I really want to take my first steps into this new chapter of my life, but in order to do that I have to share a dorm room with my sister. I feel like my parents are suffocating me and that they don’t care about my feelings at all. My mom is really against me trying to dorm as she thinks I’m trying to grow up too fast. Is that not unfair or??? Shouldn’t parents WANT this for their children?? Is it wrong of them to make me share a dorm with my sister, or am I just being dramatic? (oh and, my dad even mentioned taking classes together)
Be glad they aren’t making you live at home when home is only 30 minutes from campus. Be glad you get the opportunity to live on a campus, which is a dream for a lot of students. Be glad you don’t have to live with a potential roommate from hell.
If you want to live on campus, suck it up and live with your sister. In all fairness, she’s probably not wild about the idea either. Be nice to each other.
Okay, I completely disagree. The response above was most likely written by a mother. However, as a senior in high school, I can relate with you. I completely agree that your parents are being unreasonable. Depending on the school explain to them that many students live on campus and it would be isolating to live at home and commute. Additionally, you wanna meet new people and make new friends. Or you could make a deal with your sister where you agree to room together then once classes start request to switch roommates. Your parents can’t stop you then because they can’t control you. I hope it all works out!
It could be a lot worse. We often see young women out here whose parents won’t let them dorm at all. You can do fine with your sister (and I’m guessing there are worse roommates out there - I know because my kids had them!). You should be able to easily develop friendships and activities on your own. Having a class with her might not be too terrible (someone to study with and share notes with). If you aren’t in the same major, your courses will quickly diverge anyway.
Consider yourself lucky your parents will pay for college and let you dorm at all.
Yes, you are being dramatic. You are going to college, living on campus, and somebody is paying for it. If the situation is just unbearable for you, go to work full time after high school, and work until you can afford to pay for college yourself (it will take years). You sound very ungrateful for the wonderful opportunity you’re being given.
Being in a dorm with your sister doesn’t really have to change your college experience that much. My three have all lived in dorms and didn’t really hang out with their roommates. So living with you sister doesn’t mean you have to hangout all the time.
My current freshman never does activities with his roomies. He says they are nice, fine to live with, but have nothing in common.
You can find friends and do your own thing.
Is this a twin? While I didnt make my kids live together. I currently have two attending the same school. Your parents are worried about the transition. So many kids struggle when they leave home. This is there attempt to provide with a support system.
You are also at an age when you may not appreciate the shared history and friendship a sib can bring in the long run. When you are older, your sib may be the only one who really remembers your childhood and your parents with a similar view that you have. Closeness with sibs is not to be pooh-poohed. You probably have another 60 years of living out on your own after college – you can live with a sib for a few years if it is a requirement for your parents to cover your college costs while you live away from home.
I think that it is good to have your own sister as a roommate. You know each other so well and she can definitely guide you.
I am not sure how they force the dorm set up, it seems unlikely your parents could facilitate that… I would just ride it out until nearer the time and see if the dorm thing even is a thing. I suspect you might have more control over this if you don’t make a big drama. Twin? What does she think?
They can just refuse to pay the bills if the OP doesn’t want to do it. Most colleges will allow it.
I as a parent don’t have the level of control over dorm options to that degree, how does OPs parents? This is for fall?
While the parents here are right that it could be worse, it doesn’t mean that it’s fair or right of your parents to put these restrictions in place. It’s too hard to judge online but it’s very possible this should be filed under bad parenting and I think parents here should have a bit more empathy for that rather than telling OP to “suck it up”. Really I have much more of an issue with the tone here than the message because I do agree that in the end this is small enough not to be worth the fight with parents here, but I think there needs to be a lot more respect shown in terms of independence when it comes to kid/parent relationships when it comes to college age.
@cupcakehinata Do you have any idea where this approach from your parents is coming from? Were they like this with your sister?
As said above, I think in the end this is something that you’ll just have to roll with, but it certainly does sound unfair from the way you told it. That said, try to see it from their point of view as well and see if this unfairness is coming from some other issue and if you can resolve that productively, and you just might be able to solve this!
Is this a twin or an older sister?
Your situation sounds like a compromise with your parents. The other choice would be to live at home. Accept it, enjoy it and use this as an opportunity to build an even closer relationship with your sister. You are lucky to have one and hopefully you can be close your whole lives. To have one another as a support system and friendship is invaluable.
Why do your parents let your sister dorm there but won’t let you unless you live with her? If she’s a twin, share a dorm the first year then look into switching rooms. You’ll both meet more people (contacts for future job searches) by sharing a room with new people.
Your dad isn’t being realistic about classes. You and your sister won’t necessarily get into the same sections even if you want the same courses. Your advisors will probably be different and they’ll help you register for what you want. It’s not worth getting into a fight over.
My niece went to college within an easy commute and I know my brother in law found 15k a bitter pill to swallow to live on campus. Be happy that you’re living on campus while being so close to home.
Secondly, after all the roomie nightmares, like others say, maybe your sister isn’t the worst roomy.
And, yes, on some campuses such arrangements can easily be made.
This could be a blessing in disguise. One of the hardest things to adjust to is moving on campus and having a horrible room mate. I would have some piece of mind that you will have a room mate who is not going to make your living situation difficult. This way you can focus on your classes and social life. You don’t live in your dorm 24/7.
The fact that you aren’t made to commute should make you happy. I feel this is not an issue. Be grateful for what your parents do for you.
Your parents are not being unreasonable. It doesn’t have to be isolating to stay at home and commute, and rooming with your sister doesn’t mean you can’t meet new people and make new friends. Plotting to circumvent this by requesting a roommate switch halfway through the semester will only confirm your immaturity to your parents, not solve your problems. They could simply agree to not pay for you to live on campus next year and force you to have to move home in your sophomore year.
Even if money is truly not a problem for your family, it is your parents’ money to do with as they please. They could’ve chosen to save the $5-10K or however much it costs to allow you to stay on campus and made you commute. Instead, they came to a compromise: you can live on campus as long as you live with your sister. Nobody ever said you had to be bestest friends with your roommate, and that still gives you plenty of leeway and room for you to make other friends and do whatever it is you really want to do on campus. Why are you so resistant to the idea in the first place?
I’m going to disagree with many of the posters here. Note that I have freshman twin girls who looked at many of the same schools. While it would have been nice if they had ended up at the same school for our peace of mind, we’re very happy they were ready to be on their own. If they had gone to the same school, we would not have wanted them to room together. This is a time to grow, not fall back on what is comfortable.
Unless there are extenuating circumstances the OP hasn’t shared, I think she has every reason to be disappointed with her parents’ position - regardless of their right to impose whatever restrictions they desire when they’re footing the bill.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
This is the OP’s only post, and has not returned since posting. I’m filing under hit-and-run and closing the thread.