<p>I'm a college freshman living in the dorms. My roommate is an international student from China. She's a nice person (and she isn't being malicious), but she's driving me crazy. I am being very considerate, and expect her to be the same, but she isn't. </p>
<p>The biggest issue is talking on the phone. Whenever I have to make a call, I leave the room - because it's the nice thing to do, and because I don't want her to overhear my conversations. </p>
<p>When she talks on the phone, she always speaks Chinese, therefore she doesn't have to worry about me hearing her business. I think this definitely contributes to her willingness to speak loudly and often. </p>
<p>I really wouldn't mind it if her conversations were brief and occasional. But they are about 3 nights a week, and usually last from 45 minutes to 2 or 3 hours. And I would just leave the room, but they are generally at 10 or 11 PM. It's not outrageously late, but I'm usually settling in for the night by that time. Her loud voice is a huge distraction when I'm trying to read in bed.</p>
<p>Am I expecting too much courtesy from her? I want to talk to her about it, but we've already had some problems with other issues. Is there a more subtle way to get her to stop? Or should I just get used to it?</p>
<p>You should just calmly tell her that you’re studying or trying to have some quiet time and her phone calls can be distracting. If her phone calls last a long time and it’s not just a “Oh, I’m fine. How are you? Love you, call you soon!” then it would be better for her to take it outside as you’re settling in for the night or doing some reading. If she’s as nice as you say then talking to her about it shouldn’t be a problem. I don’t think you should “get used to it” because this is your home, too, and if it honestly bothers you then you should try to talk it out rather than bottle it up. That’ll probably cause more trouble later on. </p>
<p>Also, just a thought, maybe she’s not trying to be loud but that’s just how Chinese sounds to you? At least, that’s how it sounds to me due to the tones. I know people complain Spanish seems loud to them even when I think I’m speaking relatively normal. Each language has its own rhythm and some sound softer, some louder, some erratic, some monotonous. To her she’s probably just speaking in a normal volume.</p>
<p>Cultural difference. Being more subtle won’t help. Just ask her straight out to make her calls in the other room (or wherever).</p>
<p>My FIL is the same way - hour upon hour of “ni ting wo jiang” (“listen!”) when he’s on the phone, always late at night because of the time difference.</p>
<p>99% of Chinese people talk on the phone extremely loudly no matter where they are (unless it’s obviously like a movie theatre). But something like a personal room does not require no talking/quiet talking.</p>
<p>It’s a cultural difference, especially since she is an international student.</p>
<p>Just ask her to talk elsewhere or if possible to talk at at a time when you are not in the room. I am sure she can understand.</p>
<p>My roommate politely asked me if I could step out of the room when I’m on the phone, and I didn’t get insulted or anything (in fact, I felt bad for not figuring that out myself). So maybe you should do the same. Just tell her.</p>
<p>I would definitely say something soon. Otherwise she might get too comfortable with the process of talking for hours in the room and be baffled when you make your request for change.</p>