<p>If my son were at MIT, I would have encouraged him to join a fraternity. He’s at Big State U as an engineering major, instead, and I have been actively discouraging it. Though he is a social kid and is being recruited, his friends who joined have gotten all fratty-arrogant, and most are in the alcohol-fueled academic slide.</p>
<p>It’s really about weighing those academic and social options for the kid and the college. When I joined at my college, it was pretty well understood that there would be no social life as an independent. My son has plenty of non-Greek options, and I don’t believe it is a good fit for him at his U.</p>
<p>I think you need to look at the individual frat that your son is thinking of pledging. Perhaps it’s not the “animal” house type of frat. DH was a founding father of frat at our college decades ago. And yes there was drinking, although back then 18 was the drinking age:)…</p>
<p>DS was completely opposed to joining a frat before he headed off to college. But then he went through rush with some of the other guys on his floor at the beginning of the semester. He found a co-ed frat with people he has things in common with and so anyway he’s pledging. Yes there are girls in the frat which is unusual but it actually made me feel better about him joining the frat .The main thing is if your son’s friends are joining the odds are he’s going to be doing stuff with the frat anyway so except for saying you won’t pay the dues I’m not sure you can change what he does at college.</p>
<p>I suppose it depends on so many things - the type of organization, the school, etc. Our experience has not been good. Too much alcohol, too much focus on socializing and partying - and for our kid that had some impulse control issues it was devastating. She stopped going to class, started smoking weed and completely flunked out. OBVIOUSLY this is not the case with MOST kids pledging…just sharing our experience.</p>
<p>It was negative. We don’t encourage it with the other two.</p>
<p>NOW, D2 is part of a coeducational, professional music fraternity - that we’re okay with. Their focus is mostly cleaning practice rooms, community service, promoting music performance and music education in the community, etc. There are no drunken parties.</p>
<p>All that being said, I like the idea of having a discussion with your son about WHY he wants to join. </p>
<p>After the discussion, I think I would advise him, and then support his making his own decisions as I watched carefully from afar to see how things would play out.</p>
<p>…Which is why, without knowing the character of Greek life at the particular college (only social game in town? heavy drinking? or just chill, another club for people who like one another to hang out in?) and without knowing the character of that particular house (party house? social animals? campus leaders? druggies? serious guys who just want structured socializing?) it’s impossible to give a meaningful answer.</p>
<p>To cromette’s point: My H doesn’t drink at all and was an active member / officer of his fraternity. He probably drank a few beers and that was that. He was never encouraged or “told” to drink, and tells a story about a friend of his who drank milk when the other guys drank beer. I am not a drinker either and can only think of one occasion in which there was “pressure” to drink (and it was self-induced pressure - and frankly no different from if I had been hanging out with the girls on my dorm floor). It’s so variable and so individual.</p>
<p>To this point, if all of your son’s friends are joining, and you forbid it (if you even can), you could be harming him more than helping him. While he will be able to attend some of the fraternity events as a non-member, all of his friends will be going to chapter meetings and some events that are limited to members, and he will feel left out. And it will be your fault… (half kidding)</p>
<p>cartera, my son (and his friends/brothers) referred to “the house” when they meant the physical place they lived, and “the frat” when referring to the organization, the guys, the institution, etc.</p>
<p>Sorry if their nomenclature offends you. The only time it was referred to as a “fraternity” was during risk management meetings with the university or with campus or town police when planning an event or discussing policy.</p>
<p>Hey, thanks everyone, honestly you made me feel a lot better about it!</p>
<p>I know I can’t force him not to join if he wants to… I just want to make sure he knows what he is getting into and he is doing so for a good reason. </p>
<p>Some more information:</p>
<p>He goes to Temple University, which has around 4% greek participation, so its not a major player in the whole University scene. He knows he would have to pay for it himself (we pay a good portion of tuition + he has a pretty good scholarship).</p>
<p>“Too many usage and grammatical errors in the OP to have been written by a college professor, even one writing informally on an internet board.”</p>
<p>Wow, that seems kind of harsh. I didn’t think posters were being judged on writing ability.
If that really was the case I’d never post anything.</p>
<p>I tend to agree with stradmom and didn’t read her post as criticism - just observation. Those for whom writing is part of their professional lives are better than average writers, more often than not. Professors and lawyers tend to be fairly good writers. At least with regard to the mechanics. :)</p>
<p>Echo those who say allow your son to be the one to decide, but let him pay for the expenses of pledging/membership.</p>
<p>While I’ll admit some skepticism of Pan-hellenic Greek organizations and attending an LAC which banned them and students from being members as a condition of matriculation, I’m not completely against them.* </p>
<p>If your son wants to join…so long as he’s clear about academic and behavioral expectations with actual consequences that you/your spouse will be unified behind and follow through on if needed, let him. It’s one type of college experience and if he’s responsible about it…nothing wrong with it. </p>
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<li>Why would I want to deprive myself of institutions which are laden with so much food and drink ready to be raided/crashed by yours truly. :D</li>
</ul>
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<p>Obviously, you haven’t read too many Poli-sci journal articles. </p>
<p>Dense crappy writing is so commonplace and well-known even among poli-sci major friends from undergrad to minted PhDs that they’d concede that point and laugh along with pointed jokes about it. I also speak from some firsthand experience as a Poli-Sci minor who took more than his required number of upper-level colloquium/seminar courses in college.</p>
<p>I would suggest starting by not calling them “frats”.</p>
<p>Edited to add; I see this was mentioned earlier and yes, it is a dead giveaway (even here in the West) that you know nothing and in fact, care nothing, about Greek life. If that is the case, so be it, but you presented yourself as wanting to learn more about the system so hopefully before it becomes a habit, you can stop using that name.</p>
<p>DS is in a fraternity- he chose his school in large part because it was a place with a very large but inclusive Greek life. DS is not a typical fraternity guy in that he has a 4.0, doesn’t drink, studies a lot and can be described as goofy. He thrives in his house. As much as I hate to admit it, we have raised a generation of kids to thrive in the Greek life setting. He has a reliable social calendar-knowing that there will be a brotherhood activity, service activity, party, study table, etc. Through pledgeship he formed very close bonds with people of all grades and varied interests. While not every single brother is his best friend, he cares about them all and helps them. He is close to the alumni as well. It has not prohibited his friendships with people in other Greek houses or independents.</p>
<p>“While not every single brother is his best friend, he cares about them all and helps them. He is close to the alumni as well. It has not prohibited his friendships with people in other Greek houses or independents.”</p>
<p>LOL, I don’t know a single person in the Northeast who doesn’t call them “frats,” whether they were in one or not. Is this “offense” some weird regional thing, or is it new and I’m officially an old lady?</p>
<p>OP, ask your son about the particular chapter he wants to join. Many schools have service and academically-focused frats among the sports and party-centered ones.</p>
<p>One of my best friends daughter just joined a sorority at Temple and she is an amazing girl, very smart, not a big drinker, responsible etc… I think every school is different and every fraternity or sorority is different ( just like different people call it a different word, at the more prestigious northeast schools most call it “frat”) so chill people.</p>
<p>I echo that frat isn’t an insult. DH was in one in Michigan and they called it a frat back in the early 80’s. DS is pledging one now in Georgia and they call it a frat down here.:)</p>
(half kidding)</p>
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