<p>I don’t know, I think he may just be giving you a hard time. The next time he sends you a link about how worthless college is, send him this one:</p>
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<p>Hugcheck may be onto something.
Might your son be questioning the financial practicality of obtaining a liberal arts education at a pricey UG school? Heck alot of parents ask the same question. And alot of parents see the wisdom of obtaining the BA/BS degree at the local state U.
He may just realize the sacrifice you are making and might feel uncomfortable with it.
There are alot of pre-professional programs that might do the trick of getting your son through college and prepare him for the real world.
some were mentioned like construction management, park ranger (schools have Recreation and environmental studies program), physical therapist, occupational therapist etc.etc.
My own d was a sport management major and by design of the curriculum she took a bunch of business courses which she never would have done if she was a liberal arts major.
so maybe broaden the conversation- is it college in general? is it the liberal arts curriculum vs. pre-professional study-- or could he be hesitant about leaving home? Sometimes we just don’t know what the true feelings are behind their words.</p>
<p>bottom line (if it was me) and if your son is truly disinterested in the school which you think is so right for him–
I’d save my money- let him go the the local community college --and give him time and space to figure out what he wants to do. Remember no one cares what school you went to for the first two years- they’ll see where he ultimately got his degree from when he graduates. And the 2 years at cc may be the perfect opportunity for him to explore his academic interests and career options (as well as saving your money to boot).</p>
<p>He could very well be right. For many people college is a waste of time and money. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with finding a job in something like a trade which requires no college education. Many students come in with delusional dreams of being a doctor even though the best they can get in their prerequisite science classes are Bs and Cs. They need to wake up and face the fact that they’ll never be able to get into medical school. It would save them time and money, and they wouldn’t be stuck working a crappy lab tech job for $12/hr that is a temp position with $40k in student loans because they couldn’t get into med school. Many people actually would be better off never going to college.</p>
<p>Why does everyone seem to assume there are jobs out there for this young man? In my community, college grads are applying for burger-flipping jobs, and not getting them - there isn’t work to be had. Coffee shop jobs? You’ve got to be kidding.</p>
<p>We had hundreds of applicants (many of them with college degrees) for about 10 jobs stocking shelves at night at a bigbox store.</p>
<p>maybe he is being extremely practical and is why he is relunctant to have his mom go so deeply in debt. My kid was one of the lucky 2010 college grads who got a job in her field of study But many of her friends are working at the mall, waitressing, interning (with little to no pay). and these are kids who got their BA/BS degrees in May 2010.</p>
<p>also- best preparation for real world that my kid got in college–
SHE WORKED ON AND OFF CAMPUS!! Worked 2 years in campus food services and did bartending in town. She was able to get bartending/ restaurant jobs easily. I’m sure it was because she had the experience. So encourage your kids to work while in school. That bit of experience may help them get something when they graduate and at least help them temporarily until a job in their area of study comes along.</p>
<p>Why do so many here seem to think that this is a “practical” discussion about money, education, and jobs? Seems to me its more driven, espeically on the son’s part, by fear. No matter how good a kid he is and how strong a high school student he was, he is likely deathly afraid of going off to college, being on his own, possibly wasting Mom’s money, flunking out, wondering whether he’ll fit in, leaving home, etc etc etc This ain’t at all unusual. On some level most kids have these fears. But a smart kid can mask all those fears that with arguments about economics. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t let him defer or go to community college. That would be just let duck his fear. It wouldn’t help him grow up at all. Send him off to college for one year. Yes, he might be unhappy or flunk out. He might get by and then decide to take a years iterregnum to think things over. But he might well discover that college is pretty good after all and not at all like what he imagined. It is a risk. But since when was raising kids not one?</p>
<p>I do not agree with the gap year idea. I would not even suggest something like that to him as an option. I just do not believe that someone who is struggling with what they want to do should take a gap year. I think if he took a gap year, he would feel behind and would have even more conflict. </p>
<p>I agree with other posters who have said that he may just not know what he wants to do. I am wondering if he also feels extra pressure be cause he is worrying about the cost. He may not want to put that burden on you. </p>
<p>It sounds like it is not a matter of you convincing him that he should go, but you convincing him that it is not a waste of time. I don’t think you have to worry about that, I think as you have stated he will change his opinion once he gets there. </p>
<p>The fact that you said he is good at making friends is a huge plus. </p>
<p>When he brings up…“college is a waste” ask him what does he think is better and really listen to him. Based upon what he says…explain why he is wrong. ha ha </p>
<p>I am not one of those people who believes college is not for everyone. I think that is a load of crap. I think anyone can gain something from college. Certain majors may not be for everyone and certain colleges may not be for everyone, but everyone can gain something from college. Education is never a waste. The social aspect alone is worth something. </p>
<p>Decide what type of things that he is interested in and convince him to take those types of classes. </p>
<p>Tell him not to worry about what degree he gets. Many employers are interested in a degree not the major. Tell him he has the rest of his life to work and whatever job he is interested in getting, he can get it after he graduates from college if he choses. If college graduates are having a hard time finding a job, high school graduates are having a harder time. </p>
<p>I am convinced it will be fine.</p>
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<p>Anyone can gain something from college. But not everyone does gain something from college. Some do not “find themselves” soon enough, so they take courses aimlessly and declare whatever major is easy to declare, and still do not know what they want to do after graduation. And the high cost means that going without much of a purpose is an expensive, high risk endeavor.</p>
<p>Of course, for some people, going to college now might not be the right thing for them, but they may later figure out what they want to do later and go to college with a purpose at that time, getting much more out of it.</p>
<p>If you haven’t done so already, have him make a budget. Research what living expenses will be, figure what he’ll need to earn to pay his share of your rent/mortgage, his share of the groceries, etc. If he’s thinking of moving out w/ or w/out friends, have him price apartments, then remind him what utilities, internet, phone, etc will cost.</p>
<p>I’d tell him his options are, I’ll help support you during college, OR you need to start paying your full share after graduation, and develop a plan that has him out of the house, full self-supporting within (fill in–1 year, 2 years?). ie, if he doesn’t want to go to college, what will his career goals be? What kind of training or experience will he need.</p>
<p>I bet partly he’s just stressed out about the future and partly just yanking your chain, as teens will do. Act like you take him entirely seriously, and have him start on the no-college plan. My nephew was forced into going to the local U and after two aimless years, dropped out and moved to Florida to do yard work w/ his buddies. Last I heard, after a year of that he’s suddenly really interested in college. Unfortunately, his grades weren’t great, so that will haunt him now…</p>
<p>“I’d tell him his options are, I’ll help support you during college, OR you need to start paying your full share after graduation…”</p>
<p>If thousands of college graduates can’t get jobs flipping burgers, or stocking shelves at night (forget “coffee shops”), why do you think it is realistic to assume he can do so? It would be a bonus if he can, but to assume it seems downright cruel to me.</p>
<p>“I have given some thought to the idea of a gap year, but I am wary of giving my son “full control” over such a decision. I understand that it is his life, but if he is going to do it, I want to make sure that it is something constructive, like maybe living abroad or apprenticing, and not just working at a coffee shop.”</p>
<p>I only read the first and fourth pages of this thread, but in my opinion, working at minimum wage and paying his own way would probably be far more informative than messing around in clubs in Europe or Asia or someplace. Since the whole world speaks English, it is unlikely that he’ll be forced to learn a foreign language.</p>
<p>I say, give him two choices. Go to college with your support or don’t go, but on his own.</p>
<p>I don’t see how an 18-year-old should not be able to take care of himself. Many youths with far less support and information than your son survive. I’m sure he’ll be fine.</p>
<p>If you try to control his actions, be prepared to live with taking care of him to the same extent. He’s a big boy or he’s not… do you really want a young adult living in your basement? I know some people on CC have little faith in their kids, but I assure you that every last person in my family has had this deal and all of us are college graduates and are gainfully employed (or on maternity leave). None of us ended up in a homeless shelter.</p>
<p>Trust your parenting up to this point. If you’ve done your job he should be fine.</p>
<p>“do you really want a young adult living in your basement?”</p>
<p>Why are you blaming the victims? There are thousands and thousands of college graduates across the U.S. living in basements through no fault of their own. Many of them would take burger-flipping jobs if they were available, but in many areas they are not. I know in my area, they are now rare, and coffee shop work? No way!</p>
<p>But if the OP’s son is lucky, he can get a job, save some money AND travel if he chooses.</p>
<p>“Why are you blaming the victims? There are thousands and thousands of college graduates across the U.S. living in basements through no fault of their own.”</p>
<p>Well, in that case she wouldn’t really be the victim, would she? Her son would be. Right now, he has no debt. He could move to any part of the US and try to find work. Let him see what the job market is really like by making him work. Then he can make a truly informed decision (rather than a mom-guided decision) about whether college is right for him.</p>
<p>I appreciate that economic times are tough–I won’t tell you what my husband did to get a job but if you read all my posts you will see that we have faced / are facing tough times ourselves–however, that does not mean that the mother needs to dictate her son’s career path. In fact it can be counter-productive.</p>
<p>Okay, but just don’t blame, or punish him, or cut him off, or banish him from the house, or chastise him, or feel he is a failure if he can’t get a job (ANY job) when tens of thousands of college graduates (many of them tens of thousands of dollars in debt, or whose parents spent tens of thousands) are in the same position.</p>
<p>The problem here is it is the mom who wants her son to go to the college more. It´s kind of like food battles with some toddlers. Some parents would go to great length in making sure their kids ate. I always figured that they would eat when they were hungary. I have done my part in providing the food.</p>
<p>“I always figured that they would eat when they were hungary.”</p>
<p>Have you been talking to my husband? He always makes this joke, that he’s “so Romania”. That’s when he’s BEYOND HUNGARY. Get it? LOL, right?</p>
<p>My kids can wait days until some random stranger sneaks them gummi bears. Seriously. We live in Germany so Omas are lurking everywhere waiting to stuff candy in kids’ mouths. I still don’t give in to food requests (meal planning is a different story, but you don’t complain once food is served). At least they live for something other than food, since they are used to being hungry if they don’t eat their lunch.</p>
<p>“or banish him from the house”</p>
<p>No, he can pay rent for the room, like we did.</p>
<p>Having someone who lives in the house, who is not in school, pitch in with the finances, is not a “punishment.” It’s life. For many generations kids were asked by their families to leave school so that they could pitch in with the finances, and in some places kids still have to do this.</p>
<p>This mother is offering her son the opportunity to go to college, but he thinks it is a waste of his time and money. Fine. He will need to find work and pitch in. It’s not a punishment, just life.</p>
<p>Saying this in a completely respectful and constructive way, maybe you are the one who should be set straight, consider your son’s viewpoints, and let him make the decisions he thinks will be most beneficial to his life. Like you said, he is probably very smart, so if you care about him at all, don’t pressure him into anything he will end up hating.</p>
<p>Maybe this was already covered, but if he thinks college is such a waste of time, who decided where to apply, filled out the applications, wrote the necessary essays, got referrals, etc.??? He has been accepted at the school you had hoped for, but did your son have an integral part in choosing schools and in the application process? I’m a firm believer that kids appreciate what we do for them so much more if they are the leader in the college selection process. I can’t imagine spending the funds to send a child who thinks college is a complete waste of time off to college. There are no incentives to do well and he is basically telling you that from the start. So many kids are just not ready to start college straight out of high school and there is nothing wrong with that. It sounds like you have done a great job saving money and planning for your son’s college future. Have there been on-going discussion through-out high school to that end, or is it something you have always just assumed? In any case, it sounds like you need to sit down with him and find out what he would suggest as an alternative to college that is NOT a waste of time. A year or two working at a hands on job never hurt anyone, and it might give him that time to figure out what he would like to do. The two of you might come up with a list of criteria he must meet to continue living with you if he is not going to college including things like rent, helping around the house, who will pay for transportation, gas, insurance (including medical insurance), food, clothes, etc. I would prepare for such a sit down by coming up with a budget that shows all of the expenses he will have when he is working- a lot of kids just don’t realize how much it costs to get by. You might also talk to him about taking just a class or two at a local CC, while working to support himself. Don’t be too hard on him as he is hardly unusual. I think the kids we all hear about on this forum tend to be the higher achievers so it makes it seem as if your kid is a failure if he doesn’t want to attend college right away. In reality, there are a lot of kids who are like your son and they do take gap years, or go to CC’s until they figure it all out or mature. If you send him off to school, you have no way to control how he performs, because the only punishment for him not doing well is to bring him back home, which is what he wants to begin with! good luck!</p>
<p>“Having someone who lives in the house, who is not in school, pitch in with the finances, is not a “punishment.” It’s life.”</p>
<p>That’s great, IF he can get a job. Otherwise, just send him off to the Salvation Army shelter.</p>