<p>For me, the second year was easier than the first. We are waiting a few more days until the beginning of the third. This summer with her home with me (H was away for most of the summer) was just wonderful, and I am feeling sad because it will likely have been the last one. I can’t really imagine her coming back home to spend three months ever again. So, yes, in many ways it does get easier. But I think it’s getting hard again. I dread the “good-bye.” I think H will take her up to school this time. There will not be room for me in the car, and it’s just as well. I don’t do the separation very well. But I know that a short time after the 26th we will all be back in the routine and it will be fine. I hope the same for all of you; that your worst will be the “good-bye” and then it will get mostly easier. Cry, for sure, but know that it will ease.</p>
<p>I dropped off my D yesterday and as I drove off, I was in tears because the rest of my life, my D will be growing up and away and into her own life. Plain and simple. When I got home, I reminded myself that if she were at home, she would likely not be attending college. We stayed home a lot this summer and spent a lot of down time together. I was able to get to know her better without the stress of a schedule. </p>
<p>After a few hours, I stopped thinking in such dramatic terms and focused on the here and now, and all of the little times and days we will see each other. Then I received a text, my first from her, sent from college:</p>
<p>“Hi! I just finished my French placement test! My roommate is really nice! :-)”</p>
<p>So I am thinking of less drama and just taking this new situation one day a time. I am really so proud of my D. </p>
<p>Hang in there!</p>
<p>Oh dear…I was there three yrs ago , and honestly feel like I am going there again soon. My oldest daughter left then and will finish her final semester soon in LA ( graduating a semester early ) I am so sad that she is making the big and most likely permanent move to the west coast…but on the flip side, she has her first interview for her mandatory internship with her dream network ( Comedy Central )
Bittersweet indeed !</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Some fathers miss their college kids intensely. Why should they have to “suck it up” if the mothers don’t?</p>
<p>Cry in the shower, go into their room and cry. I would go for walks w/ my ipod and listen to music my kids downloaded for me and cry. After awhile the feelings will be less intense.</p>
<p>If you are an empty nester, hard to believe, but true, you will begin to enjoy it.</p>
<p>Your days of parenting may not be over. I can attest to that.</p>
<p>I don’t see it as a loss. Isn’t this what we want them to do? Arne’t we darn lucky we and they can pull this off in this economic climate</p>
<p>They aren’t dead, they aren’t ill, they aren’t in jail, they aren’t living on the street, they aren’t mentally ill. They are very lucky young men and women going off on a wonder adventure of learning, meeting new people, exploring new worlds.</p>
<p>Yes, it okay to be sad, but you cant let that be the only most powerful emotion you feel. You need to feel joy, and feel pride, and feel a little bit jealous.</p>
<p>If yo have younger kids at home, take pleasure in the fact that know you will have more time with them, they will have a chance to shine and grow. You need to be happy for and with them.</p>
<p>My D, my second and final, leaves in 4 days. I know I will be sad, but I won’t feel it is a loss. She is still alive, healthy, learning and becoming the adult she should be. How can that be a loss?</p>
<p>I don’t see it as a loss at all, but an incredably happy occassion!!</p>
<p>^^^ good point.
We raised them to be achievers and follow their dreams , but it is okay to feel sad that they are leaving home 
:(</p>
<p>Imagine if you were sending them off to war. How scary would that be? Or if they were going in for Chemo? Or like my friend, whose daughter has an addiction and some mental health issues. Or a dad whose son is Iraq. Now that is scary stuff.</p>
<p>If I cried every day for six months, what would that have done to my daughter who was still at home. I took joy in spending time with her, and soon I will take joy in taking classes, spending time with my friends, and my husband, walkinjg my dogs, doing my crafts, etc. </p>
<p>Its great to cry ,and its fine to be sad, but there is so much joy and happiness in the process, we should focus on that.</p>
<p>THink about it this way, you have other kids at home, give them hugs, do things with them if you miss your oldest. Maybe I am strange, but I just don’[t get this “loss” thing. I just don’t.</p>
<p>My son went to college 3 years ago and I forced myself to emotionally prepare for the separation day months in advance. Yes, it does get easier with time. Yes, your relationship with your child is changing. Yes, it is exhilirating to watch your child grow into being an adult and on their own and achieving. Yes, you can develop a life that only includes weekly phone calls and occasional visits from your son. </p>
<p>All of what I said above definitely applies to our father/son relationship. I am extremely proud of how my son has grown as a person and what he has accomplished on his own in these 3 years. I am thrilled beyond words that he is planning to go to grad school. He will be the first in our family to do so.</p>
<p>My daughter will be going to college in 3 years and I already know the separation will be harder as she is the last to go. I also think that for a dad who has both a son and a daughter, it may be harder to see the daughter go. I expect them both to achieve on their own, but I don’t relish the idea of being away from my daughter while she is doing it.</p>
<p>I am already preparing myself with hobbies that I have put off during child raising years.</p>
<p>Of course, I am sure that DuckieStyle was joking with the post about sucking it up, but sometimes thats hard to do, even for a dad. Sometimes it may be hard especially for a dad.</p>
<p>I am a very rational and analytical person. I make most decisions with my head, not my heart. This one though…yes, it’s good they are moving on, yes, they are supposed to be moving on, but…it felt like nothing but pure loss to me. Worse than loss. More like someone had violently ripped an appendage off and nothing could be done to stop the impending blood flow. Being one of those incommunicado s’s certainly didn’t help the situation any. Everywhere I turned, it seemed as if it hit me–the empty kitchen chair, his favorite food, mail arriving for him, his little sister inconsolable, etc.</p>
<p>To the OP and anyone else in this situation, I don’t have any answers, but I do have tons of empathy. I can say it will almost surely get better as time goes on. Unfortunately, mine was also determined to have his “independent” streak simultaneously, which only made things worse. Slowly but surely, things continued to be easier and get better.</p>
<p>Sophomore year send-off was much, much easier and now we move him tomorrow into his rental house. It is exciting to send him off now, but I know how difficult it was two years ago.</p>
<p>To tell you the truth, I never felt crying was about them, but me. It was a big change in my life. Hell, I knew they would do well. So much of my life was based on them and their achievments.</p>
<p>I soon learned what everyone told me/us. You will enjoy life w/o children. Then things went to hell. Another story (told on past threads).</p>
<p>Like many on this thread, DH and I were in the same place this time last year with our only two leaving…and like GA2012 says, it does not seem any easier this year. That said, I remind myself ( as I did throughout their freshman year) that we are blessed to have a family who love and truly miss each other, but can still feel proud in their independence and success.</p>
<p>For some people, good-byes and transitions are easier than for others. After 30 years in medical oncology, experience has taugnt me that people handle tough times in their lives ( separations, bad news, illness, etc.) much the way they have handled and lived out the other parts of their lives. Take advantage of friends/family who offer a shoulder, ear, lunch, etc. It was a life-line for me. And as many have said before, it seems absolutely awful at first, but gradually, it does get easier. </p>
<p>Know that there are many wonderful people on this thread who can be of tremendous support. Take good care.</p>
<p>I think that the hardest part of my kids leaving the nest was the realization that I had moved into a new part of my life and am approaching old age, and the thought of that doesn’t bring the joys in our culture that my earlier life transitions had brought.</p>
<p>You might like this thread.
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/544135-help-oldest-daughter-going-off-college-we-need-support.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/544135-help-oldest-daughter-going-off-college-we-need-support.html</a>
Or it might make you cry.<br>
That’s okay; crying is cathartic. And remember… They are not going off to war. They are moving into their dorms. ;)</p>
<p>^ Well said Northstarmom. Just put my younger S on a plane to start college. What now (and I work). My poor older son leaves in a few weeks to return to school. I say poor because now he is the focus of my need to mother. :)</p>
<p>The key is to realize on the day they are born that they are only there for a few years.</p>
<p>Too late for us. </p>
<p>We should go to some expectant-parent forums and tell them.</p>
<p>
So true! I miss my kids and love them lots (DD is abroad for another year, and DS is a junior at college and was working at his college town over the summer), but what makes me sad is that DANG, I’m getting old, and there is no reversal in the life process. I would dearly love to turn back the time clock 20 years - just for a day or two - and have my kids be toddlers and young children again, because I miss their little selves. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way, so I’m waiting for those grandkids!</p>
<p>"I would dearly love to turn back the time clock 20 years - just for a day or two - and have my kids be toddlers and young children again, because I miss their little selves. "</p>
<p>I miss my 20-years-younger self. :)</p>
<p>Funny ^ 
Me, too, though I don’t miss my mullet. I wore that unfortunate hairstyle for way too long… :eek:</p>
<p>I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I am also struggling with both girls gone. :(</p>