<p>Yes, the housing form...my son is a slob. I am not, but he is and his father is. I told him that he better be honest on his housing form...fortunately his freshman roommate was also honest and they lived happily ever after in their pigpen. The problem is the kids who are not honest on their housing forms. bbkitty therin lies the problem, one person's messy is not quite another. In my opinion if you can't get from the bedroom door to the bed when they live with you during their teens year they best put extremely messy on their housing forms. If they leave food wrappers and pop cans in their rooms and the clothes don't quite get to the dresser and closets...yup they are just plain messy. If the clothes are generally put away, the floor generally clear of things and you can see some of the top of the surface of their desk - they put neat on the housing form. If they change their sheets weekly, hang up their clothes, stack their books neatly and sweep and vacuum their floors and dust regularly they put extremely neat on the housing form!</p>
<p>H had a roommate in college who was a meticulous dresser and very fussy about his hair and looks, but a terrible slob around the room. Never did laundry, and would even wear H's clean socks and underwear. On parents weekend, all the other parents would go to lunch or the football game-- this guy's mom would spend the whole time cleaning his room and DOING HIS LAUNDRY while he went to the game. Ugh!</p>
<p>After we were married he came to visit. We looked out our apt window as he pulled into the lot-- just in time to see him dump all his trash and McDonald's wrappers and cups out of the door of his car directly onto the ground! What gall. He is now a neurologist, of all things.</p>
<p>'rentof2, clearly my S has been living a double life all these years, in my house and yours!</p>
<p>Luckily he and his room mate have a 3-room double, so they each have their own bedroom. I'm hoping he confines his mess to his own room...</p>
<p>Three weeks into this semester, I received a call from D's roommate's MOTHER. The mother called to tell me that "we have a problem". Her daughter "could not take it anymore"-seems our D stayed up late to study, kept her D awake and was not as neat. While I was inclined to agree with roommate's mom about some of her D's concerns, I was stunned that I was hearing from D;s roommates mother. This mom has also been to talk with the RA during parent's weekend. </p>
<p>I strongly encouraged other mom to have her D talk with mine-thought that might be the most appropriate thing for two young adults to work through issue and work through the problem on their own.</p>
<p>We did encourage our D to talk with roommate-D is trying to be mindful of roommate's schedule, etc. I have decided that roommate matching is more important than I realized-entire situation has dampened D's enthusiasm for school.</p>
<p>Would bringing an actual pig into the room get some attention from the disgusting roommate?
If not, may I suggest a really great book called "The Naked Roommate" Not only is it very funny, but it has some very real world suggestions for dealing with all kinds of bad roommate situations. I plan to get this book for my D as one of her graduation gifts.</p>
<p>I've got a messy kid. He comes by it honestly; no one would ever call me neat. I'm paying close attention to the suggestions about filling out the housing questionnaire, not that Fang Jr. would in a million years call himself anything but "extremely messy." I hope whatever school he ends up at doesn't put him in a room with a neat kid. It would be a disaster.</p>
<p>One stroke of good fortune for my messy boy and his neat roomate: Messy son has the bed/desk/closet/floor area farthest from the door. So Neat Roomie doesn't ever have to walk through my son's stray books/papers/clothes to get to his side of the room! And messy son always has a clear path to his messy nest.</p>
<p>History mom, I took that tactic with my D1 in HS when she went through the I want to pick a fight with mom stage. I had no interest in being in a fight, but she would cook and leave a mess, I would bag it up in grocery bags and put it in her room- no fight, just out of my way and waiting for her to clean- it got us through that time</p>
<p>"Three weeks into this semester, I received a call from D's roommate's MOTHER. The mother called to tell me that "we have a problem". Her daughter "could not take it anymore"-seems our D stayed up late to study, kept her D awake and was not as neat. While I was inclined to agree with roommate's mom about some of her D's concerns, I was stunned that I was hearing from D;s roommates mother. This mom has also been to talk with the RA during parent's weekend. "</p>
<p>Pat on the back to you for gracefully handling a difficult situation.</p>
<p>If I'd gotten that kind of call, I doubt that I would have been able to be as tactful as you were to that mom who seems to be the epitome of a helicopter parent.</p>
<p>Son's school doesn't bother with roommate matching as they found out random assignments work just as well- makes sense based on answers given on questionnaires (I would have changed some of son's answers for summer GT camps...). I dislike clutter and remember one roommate who filled her "half" of the dorm room with numerous posters (including a grossly hairy nude, was it John Travolta who posed for Playgirl in the early '70's?).</p>
<p>When son was a freshman we moved him in and stopped by with forewarning days later, but before classes started, with two grandparents (H's M, my F) to show them his room and drop off some stuff- son's towel bar was empty, towels on desk, bookshelves nearly empty, books on chair, etc... his roommate had gone home for the weekend leaving an unmade lofted bed. The following May I cleaned a disgusting microwave turntable (the last spill was still liquid) before loading it up to bring it home. </p>
<p>Sophomore dorm room- saw it twice- move in and move out days. He discovered that when you leave a mac and cheese messy microwave bowl in the dorm hall sink over winter break you lose it- at least it was cheap. This summer I told son I would not clean "his" (by default of being only child) bathroom since he should learn how before moving into his apt this fall (I had stopped dusting his room years ago, and couldn't find his floor to vacuum)- it was his problem if he wanted to take a bath, and his own dirt. H once removed four bowls with spoons from the upstairs computer room. I no longer need to do a house check before running the dishwasher.</p>
<p>When son was considering apt mates I asked him if they knew how messy his room was, apparently they had no problems with things. This August he and apt mates staggered their move in days- two moved in on the first available day (a Sat) and then on Wed son moved in- there was an open dishwasher full of clean looking dishes and a huge bunch of very ripe bananas in the kitchen (I seem to remember good prices that week and suspect a mother helped provision her son). A few days later son's HS friend and now roommate (an added person agreed to by the others) moved in. The following Wed we brought more stuff, I stayed with the car while H helped unload it- he reported the same bunch of bananas was still there, only blacker. He also stated no intention of entering said apt again...</p>
<p>Son's roommate is a transfer student he had gone to a cross country camp with- a week in dorms. In talking to his mother I found out they/he? ironed T-shirts- I had discarded the idea of an iron or ironing board for son. She, like me, had sent all sorts of cleaning supplies- I'm sure other mothers also did, but she had talked to her son about weekly cleaning, with daily touchups (I have the time and used to clean house every two weeks when son was young, now every month). I haven't talked to her since taking those last items but in conversations with my son I don't detect any problems between the two or others. I wish I could find out how the roommate adapted- does he clean as often, or did son and the others corrupt him... Son has an odor sensitive nose at home, how he has done things at school...</p>
<p>bbkitty, S's school had roommate matching and he put down "messy", appropriately I thought; I was very surprised when he turned out to have the reputation (even in a 4-person sophomore suite) of being the "neat" one. His situation was probably better than that of your son's because he and his freshman roommate were similar on many dimensions and became good friends. I'm a fan of roommate matching when kids are honest--it helps avoid the total mismatches, even if definitions differ somewhat. D's school doesn't have roommate matching, and she and her roommate aren't well-matched at all, but they are co-existing in part because they negotiated the big issues and D is good about talking to her about noncompliance. D does vent to me, however, so hopefully there is some measure of venting to a parent in your son's complaints. I agree with everyone else who says guiding him to a strategy for handling it himself will serve him well in the long run.</p>