<p>So I figured I'd ask this question here. Today I was talking with my mom how big of a change college is going to be. I want to go to a big city like NYC or Boston. We live in Denver, so while I have some street smarts, it will be a very new thing to me. My mom says that she wants me to be prepared and learn basic household tasks like laundry and then also maybe take a self defense class for women. That makes perfect sense and sounds like a good idea. Then she says, "I want to drop you off in this sketchy part of town at night, and then park a few streets away and watch you. I want to see if you know what you're doing." wait. What!? I protested, and she said something like I'm your mother and I want to be there for you for those first experiences like that. I understand her reasoning but I think she's going a bit overboard. How do I calm her down and "prove" I can handle myself without her?</p>
<p>How about telling her that you wouldn’t put yourself in a “sketchy” part of town at night by yourself. That’s the mature way to handle it. Tell her if you need to pass through questionable areas that you will always go with one or more friends or call a cab rather than walk alone. </p>
<p>The self defense class is a great idea. It’s also a great way to exercise if you like it, you can take karate classes. Great physical conditioning and great self esteem builder while also learning self defense.</p>
<p>The correct answer is “Mom, I don’t ever plan to be alone on the street in a sketchy part of town late at night. If I have to go to an area like that at night, I’ll make sure that I’m with other people, or I’ll call for a taxi to pick me up and wait inside the building until the taxi driver calls my cell phone.”</p>
<p>[Cross-posted with VAMom2015, who evidently thinks exactly as I do.]</p>
<p>being neither a mother nor a girl(obviously) i cannot truly fathom the feelings of your mother. still i have a sister and so…lemme guess. all mothers tend to get a little paranoid when their teen daughters move from a “smaller” city to a “larger” city. its nothing of much concern. listen to her and she would be happy. dont listen and shell sulk all day. unless she bothers you too much or your “public image” is getting damaged id say bear with her. if i were you i would definitely listen to her.</p>
<p>p.s. im a teen guy and sometimes(no, lemme correct, all times) my mum behaves as if…well lets just drop the topic. good luck to you.</p>
<p>I think your mom’s idea pf the “drop off” is a bit unrealistic because bad things happen when you least expect it. My brother was attacked by an out-of-town gang in our own safe suburban neighborhood. My wallet was just stolen in my local supermarket.
Then again, My daughter lived in New Haven as a college student and Boston as a grad and was never encountered a dangerous situation in the seven years of living there.
(She also tried to always have a friend when traveling at night, but it’s not always possible.)
Take the self-defense class, be aware of your surroundings, and go out with others as a rule. You’ll be fine.</p>
<p>It’s a ridiculous idea. Firstly, something could happen to you within the space of a minute and your mother wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Secondly, regardless of what happens, your mother probably would be ineffective at doing anything about it unless she’s built like Schwarzenegger or is a trained police officer with a weapon.</p>
<p>The safest thing to do is to avoid the ‘sketchy’ parts of town altogether and recognize that some areas that are okay at noon are not okay at midnight and if you happen to find yourself in the wrong part of town then leave quickly and look as if you do it all the time and know what you’re doing. </p>
<p>Taking a self defense course is a good idea whether you go to the hood or not.</p>
<p>It’s coincidental but I was talking to a Colorado resident last night who told me about the problem’s downtown Denver is having of late with hoodlums knocking people on the head and mugging them.</p>
<p>Next time don’t talk to her about how big of a change it will be. That kind of conversation will only worry her. </p>
<p>Instead, talk about how great it will be. Focus on the positive.</p>
<p>Suggest a trip to a major city like Chicago or NYC for a weekend. I live in a major city and first hand is the best way for someone to get to learn street smarts, but do it the smart way! It could be a nice bonding trip for the two of you as well.</p>
<p>You might ask to drop your mother off in a sketchy part of town, so that you can park a few streets away and watch how she handles herself. Let her show you her street smarts.</p>
<p>I had similar concerns as your mom and also made my daughter take a self-defense class but I agree with the other posters here-- the best defense is to NEVER be in a sketchy part of town especially at night. They even tell you this in the self-defense class.</p>
<p>Totally agree with UCLAbandmom!</p>
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<p>Thank you! :)</p>
<p>Sounds very overbearing. I hope she doesn’t want to be there for all of your “firsts”! While she is watching you in the sketchy part of town does she think the wolves won’t smell her blood in the water? You’d probably fare well only to return to her to find that she didn’t. Not a smart move.</p>
<p>“My mom says that she wants me to be prepared and learn basic household tasks like laundry and then also maybe take a self defense class for women.” - Fine ideas. </p>
<p>The other idea sounds strange and dangerous. Tell your mom that you have no intention of going off campus into sketchy neighborhoods. And that if you go out at night in a city… you will follow campus recommendations to use the buddy system. </p>
<p>You mom wants you to be safe. Take her initial thought and turn it into a conversation about how you will be smart in college classes and in life. Good luck.</p>
<p>Your instinct is correct. This is not a good idea.</p>
<p>You can and should refuse to cooperate with your mom on her bizarre idea of dropping you off in a sketchy neighborhood so she can check your skills. It’s not safe.</p>
<p>Do you know anyone in law enforcement, for example among family, friends or neighbors? Maybe such a person could talk and redirect your Mom. Yes, you need to know strategies for street safety, but don’t field test them. </p>
<p>To reassure her you’re thinking about how you’ll handle yourself, you might google lists of street-smart tips and show her you are studying them. For example, walk quickly and with confidence; don’t talk on cellphone as you walk…those kind of tips.</p>
<p>I grew up in the Boston area and went to school “in town”. There are areas (like all cities) that I would only go into during the day and areas I would never go into. </p>
<p>I would never go into the sketchy part of town just to try it out. As others have pointed out, the whole idea is to avoid these places. However, you still have to use your “street smarts” in the good parts of any city. It is the situational awareness and not looking vulnerable that helps keep you safe.</p>
<p>Many colleges have safe ride home type programs. My daughter goes to WPI and uses that system if she is leaving campus for her apartment (a 10 minute walk) after dark unless she is walking with a group of her friends.</p>
<p>What a silly idea. The ‘sketchy’ parts of Denver are NOTHING like the ‘sketchy’ parts of NY or Boston.</p>
<p>If you don’t know how to do basic household tasks like laundry, I think it’s not such a good idea to be dropped off in a sketchy part of town. That’s a pretty big leap! :)</p>
<p>OP, I do understand your mom’s line of thinking; we think that the best way to see if you’re prepared for something is to push you in and see how you do, while we’re still around to rescue you. BUT, of course, in this situation – NOT such a great idea.</p>
<p>Something I’ve done with my daughter since she was little, and continuing right up to present day, is role-play difficult situations. To satisfy her, you could try this.</p>
<p>But I do think the thing to do is tell her how and why you would avoid dangerous situations in the first place – staying in populated areas, using the buddy system, knowing where the sketchy areas are and avoiding them, avoiding shortcuts.</p>
<p>A million years ago when I was in college, I took a safety class and here’s one of the most important things I learned: Bad guys want to surprise their victims. You reduce your chances of being attacked by looking like you know what’s going on around you. Walk with purpose and confidence. Keep your head up and constantly scan the environment. Be aware of your surrounding at every moment (hint: this means putting your cell phone in your pocket until you’re someplace safe).</p>
<p>BTW, you do know the key trick, right?</p>
<p>My kids used to give me the, “Don’t worry, I know where to kick 'em” answer- and reality is, very few girls can truly defend themselves. Even martial arts experts will tell you that there is no “perfect” self-defense. You have to stay as smart as you can, in the first place. </p>
<p>It’s one thing to put you in a different part of town, in daylight, and see if you can navigate- find the right bus, ask a shopkeeper for directions, shrug off some flirt. It’s another to think that a dark spot is the place to test. And, what? If you “pass” are you then safe forever? Maybe the words just slipped out and she knows the idea is lame.</p>
<p>Too many women are victims of over-confidence. Whether it’s in your own nice area, leaving a purse unattended or at a dorm party or on the streets. You can’t live in fear, but you can stay aware. And, I wouldn’t ever say Denver is safer than Boston or NYC. It depends on the circumstances. Good luck.</p>