I think @Python20 replied to the wrong thread!
It was an analogy… swimming the English channel, I was in the kayak whacking him with an oar.
To make it clear he never swam the English channel and I never whacked him with an oar.
I was just trying to say maybe he is angry that I pushed him so hard.
Many questions about the math tutor, or my reluctance.
Background, for the people having trouble reading my posts. He said in one phone call, he wanted to drop the math class, and two hours later, called again, and said he would stick with it. I have heard nothing on the subject since.
Why is he calling me on math. Because his major would involve math, and I am pushing that major.
Edit here - He initially wanted this major, and then started to say over the summer, maybe it would be too hard, and he should do another major. I really don’t know what he wants. But, I wanted him to stick with his original idea, as I felt like he was too nervous to go for it and taking the easy route.
Easy on the criticism here…
Update - he called me over the weekend to say hi. I guess this is going to be his one phone call a week. I let him carry the conversation and he only spoke about new friends and a party he was going to. He did not mention his math class. I didn’t bring it up.
The background history, my daughter, a good solid student, did need a math tutor and it seemed to work fine. There were no issues. I never heard from the tutor. It was all good.
In 11t grade, my son wanted a math tutor. I got the same young man that my daughter had thinking it had been a good experience for her. He gave my son assignments to do, and then he would check over the math in the tutoring session. My son didn’t do the work and treated the tutor like someone who would just teach him the material without my son actually doing the work. My son always had an excuse why it wasn’t done. Now, I am a hovering mom. But, I’m not checking to see if he did the assignments. The tutor ended up calling me twice, fed up, and after this went on 3x, I told my son that was the end of the tutor. He got a B.
in 12th grade, he asked again for a tutor. I got a difference person thinking maybe it was a chemistry issue. Same bs. My son didn’t do the work and I got fed up very quickly, and that was the end of another tutor. He ended with a B-
If HE ASKS FOR A TUTOR, freshman year, maybe I would consider it.
But, he hasn’t.
Also, he has to decide is this really his major. If yes, he has to put in the effort of seeking help.
I can want it for him, but he has to want it for himself.
“Update - he called me over the weekend to say hi. I guess this is going to be his one phone call a week.
I let him carry the conversation and he only spoke about new friends and a party he was going to. He did not mention his math class. I didn’t bring it up.”
EXCELLENT!
Leave them alone long enough and they will come round to calling you!
I would not expect more then a weekly phone call. But if is does happen more often then great!
He’s already told you that he doesn’t want the math major.
ETA: OP edited the post so my response doesn’t quite read, but the gist is the same.
Clearly. Your wanting it for him is irrelevant and unimportant if that’s not what he wants to major in. What a waste of a college education to major in a subject only because your mother picked it for you.
Can’t get the quote thing down. Thinking my computer is older, but the brackets don’t highlight it.
It was the major he originally wanted on his own.
Then, over the summer, he started to say maybe it was going to be too hard. I encouraged him to stay with it, and plan his math class with the easier math class at the same time.
quote [OP - I give you credit for coming here and asking for advice. I 100% understand where you are coming from . My son was very similar, made a lot of poor decisions; signed up for the wrong classes, did not seek help when he needed it, spent his money foolishly, etc. Unlike the suggestions from a number of parents here, I did not say nothing, because the consequences were huge. I was gentle in my suggestions, but I did indeed make suggestions (“A 300 level Art History Class might be a little challenging your first semester given you know nothing about art.”) All common sense advice that was not taken.
It should not be taboo to give advice to your son. Even as adults, we need advice. Of course, whacking him with the oar won’t work, and you know that now. And if he isn’t open to the advice, it won’t be accepted. I am on board with how hard it is to just sit back. At this point, though, just being there is all you really can do. Go to his sporting events, be positive, remind him you are proud of all he is accomplishing, and send a care package every now and then for no reason other than you want him to know you are there for him.
I would not suggest demanding a weekly call. He seems willing to call without that. Let it go and see what happens. Keep the conversations light, no chiding, no advice at this point. Things need to settle down, he needs to get the primary message that you are there to love and support him]quote
Thanks for sharing your story. Very helpful. The oar was an analogy btw, sorry if I wasn’t clear. (No one got it.).
Thank you to everyone who sent me pms. So helpful and meaningful to hear your stories. Very appreciative of you all sharing with me.
You said you were “pushing” that major and that he wanted a non-math major. That’s what I was reacting to.
The quote function has nothing to do with your physical computer. It has to do with programming language. Here’s how you do it.
[college]Here type the text you want to quote.[/college]
HOWEVER: Replace this word:
college
with this word:
quote
Don’t forget the forward slash on the second command.
If I do it here, it will just produce the gray background over the text instead of showing you the command. That’s why I substituted the word.
My son feels tortured to give us time on the phone every few weeks. He is always crunched with another deadline and on his way to another all nighter. The thing is, I know he does club sports a few days/week and I know he does do some partying on weekends though he insists he does not. Phone calls become a big stress deal because I know he doesnt have time and he thinks Im gonna keep him on forever because I havent talked to him in weeks. Just sharing.
Is the major engineering? If so, he better WANT to be an engineer, AND have strong aptitude in the area to make it through. It is one of the very toughest majors. it is one thing to be a business major or something like that and need to make it through Calc – it is a whole different ball of wax to make it through all the levels of math and the difficulties of an engineering degree if that is his proposed major.
Regarding him saying he wanted that major earlier, kids list majors they want all the time in high school when they have no idea what the actual work involved. Architects, doctors, lawyers, engineers, investment bankers – these kids have no actual idea what the field of study or job is really like. But it sounds good! So holding a kid to a major in an area where he has never had an internship or volunteered, never shadowed someone, or didn’t attend a hands on program to learn about it isn’t realistic. Even if they did those things, it doesn’t mean it is really what they want once more possibilities are opened up to them in college. Most kids change their majors (my youngest has flip flopped from Physics to Comp Sci and back to Physics again in the first 2 years of college).
Fwiw, OP, I got that the kayak and oar story was a metaphor.
I never really thought you whacked your son with an oar, 
Is there a reason why he can’t be undecided in his major right now?
Well, a little progress, OP. He called! As I mentioned way back on page one, don’t be surprised f you get him trained this year and then still have to remind him to call later on.
The major issue. I think you have to let this be and just be a sounding board. Let him figure out what he is good at and interested in. Maybe he isn’t good enough at math to be a math major? Accepting that could be a shock for him. You may have to offer support and ideas, but let him work it out. If he is a D1 athlete, he has a lot on his plate. He has to decide if buckling down and working harder will pul him through or if he needs to switch majors.
I’m hinking a kid who only got B’s in high school math should not be a math major or have a major that is math intensive. I don’t get why you are still pushing this when he has said he doesn’t want to major in it anymore.
I didn’t get the vibe that she was or is pushing math at all – just that when he started to doubt himself she encouraged him not to give up on his original plan without trying it first.
The OP said, “Why is he calling me on math. Because his major would involve math, and I am pushing that major.” Those are her words.
I saw that she tried to frame it as just wanting him to stick it out but I don’t buy that.
Fair enough. I do question why someone who needed a math tutor in HS decided to major in math (or a math-related subject).
You do realize that the semester is likely 30% over and that getting a tutor a week before finals won’t help his grade, right? Twelve weeks is a very short period of time. You do realize that he probably didn’t talk about math because … well, I am guessing test 1 was hard (they typically are). You do realize that you were in effect his tutor for all of HS and you have now sent him off sans tutor to fend for himself. You do realize that if he does poorly in this class, it is part of his permanent record aka GPA, unless his school has a very generous drop/add period. Changing majors is nice, but that GPA is not magically changed.
Sure he would have to work with the tutor and not just have the tutor do his homework or something, that should be more obvious to a 18 year old facing rigorous college classes than a 16 year old HS student in a much slower progression.
Since I am sure you have given him grief about the HS tutor and maybe even gave him the . . hunt down those resources at school, I am paying enough speech … now, you need to meddle more and suggest a tutor unless he really did pull off that A or B. If his answer is, I got a C but I found a really good resource here that is helping work through test one and I am catching up, that might do, if his answer is I got a C, woe is me … nope, either encourage him to drop down to easier class, drop the class, or get that tutor today.
Does he get more than 4 years to complete his degree due to D1 athlete status? At less than full pay? Otherwise, like 99% of us, it behooves you to get him through this program as efficiently as possible with decent GPA.
You are now his coach much more than his mom because he has grown up and is in a grown up “no excuses here” type environment. You need to stop counting phone calls and start trying to be on his side … not yours.
She never said he was majoring in math.
He needs math for his major. That can be business, engineering, science, economics and others.
I got A’s in math in high school and engineering-level math in college kicked my behind. I made it through first semester with a B, but couldn’t see taking 2-3 more years of math so I switched over to a liberal-arts based comp sci program. Best decision I ever made, honestly. The liberal-arts versions of the same mandatory math and science classes were much easier and not related to my primary interest anyway; they were just checklist items I wanted to get out of the way.
Freshman year is for figuring out what you want to do. Many kids change their major during that time. That’s why many colleges have a broad range of mandatory subjects - so kids can be exposed to various areas and find what interests them. There’s a fine line between encouraging a freshman to stick to the program when they’re discouraged, versus supporting a decision to switch to something they’d prefer. Listen carefully to your son and try to figure out which side of the line to walk.