need advice-- social, networking, girls

Colleges & Universities A-Z University of California - Berkeley
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<p>I am Asian, came to states a few years back, my college is on the east coast, I just came to Berkeley for summer session.
It kinda surprised me that when a lot ppl asked me if im an exchange student..... I dunno how they tell the difference between me and those Asian kids born in the states... Frankly I don't have enough confidence in my English, but I CAN talk (Sadly but true, yesterday my housemate asked me where i come from, I spelled the name of the town 3 times, just 5 letters, he couldn't get it....... Is that accent that bad?...... I don't think i have asian accent... but maybe some accent that i just cant find anything wrong with it myself....... a girl at work told me my thick accent made it really hard for ppl to understand me if i talked fast...)......... seriously....... I don't talk much tho...... even before i came to the states...</p>

<p>I've been trying really hard to adapt to new things, rarely use my native language or hang out with those who speak it... The result may be I spend a lot of time alone, getting so used to watch movies just myself (A friend told me he haven't been to the theater for a long time cuz he couldn't find a date........). I do want friends, want to date... it just seems that a lot of things are easier when i do it just with myself...... My conversation with people are pretty short for most of the time, maybe i have only said hi to some ppl that i've known for a year........
I want to change.... part of the reason I drove 3000 miles to Cal...... sadly again, no romance on the road...... I didn't even talk to a girl iirr.....................</p>

<p>How to strike a conversation with people in my class? Im in EE lower level class right now, but 3 days of class only knowing one guy in my class, my lab partner.... maybe i can count TAs as well.......
I tried to talk to a girl sitting in front of me....... You know it might be really hard in EE class........ Plenty of girls on the street, just not in EE class.... it's 10% girls. 90% guys...
I dunno a nice way to start a conversation... with time or some other restarins....... A lot of ppl don't get to classroom until 2 mins before class start, and start packing 10mins before it ends.....
EE lab is a good choice to make conversation with girls? just pick an empty seat by the girl(if im lucky of course...) and say Hi,do u mind me sitting here? Then maybe i can continue the conversation?</p>

<p>I don't drink or smoke, no drug either..... but i dol want to have fun... it just takes some extra effort for me to quit doubting myself and worrying what others think i guess....</p>

<p>a while back a girl approached me at ice skating and asked me to buy her hot chocolate... i was shocked(first time ever to be approached by a girl...) but the conversation didnt last long...... the girl figured out i knew nothing about alcohol and smoking, probably lost interest in me... maybe i was good at ice skating, but just not social at all...... there are things that i dont want to adopt... e.g. i hate people smoking around me.... I just want to be myself but still have friends to hang out with.... A friend trys to help me out by inviting me to hang out with his friends(grads), just feel they are a bit beyond my age and i know nothing about a lot of stuff they talk about(their classes)
i want a date.... sometimes i kinda regret that i ended a relationship before i went to college........ but i have seen so many sad "love stories" around me....... it might be easier to be alone? lol if i need some entertainment, i just go to movie at a random time... no need to worry about a lot of things if i have a date with me...... maybe less fun tho..... I guess i just want some friends to hang out with, a few to talk with & know me, hopefully a girl to date but not get too emotionally attached
one more thing, i can drive(got my licence about 4 months ago and just did a cross country), but I am scared to drive in Cali(i dunno how i survived LA traffic....never seen so much traffic and so many aggressive & reckless drivers, lane change without blinker, passing without clearance....... i cant believe so many ppl think they can pass another car with less than 2 cars clearance......forget about 2s rule in the driver's manual..... no offence, i came from an extremely rural town in the east and most ppl are really nice drivers....)
and parking is hard...... expensive but still hard to find spot... and hour limit.... just curious, has anyone taken bus instead of driver for the first date lol it sounds really lame to me..... maybe walking is a better idea :D I can walk really long but maybe the person with me won't make it... </p>

<p>so how should i spend the 2 months at Berkeley this summer? need advices thanks :)</p>

2

<p>Your post would be easier to read if you capitalized your sentences and used periods.</p>

<p>I only read the first paragraph, but is socializing that important if you’re just going to be here for the summer?</p>

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<p>hey realdreams, i think before you start dating youre going to need to get comfortable with yourself and your surroundings. Is there a reason why youre so shy? Try to find out what your interests are/what youre good at/know a lot about and look for people with similar likes and interests. Here’s some options to meet people gym, swimming pool, zellerbach hall concerts, this weekend’s SF Pride parade, on the bus. I suggest you start off with accepting your friends offer to hang out with his grad friends. Im sure they talk about other things than just classes, especially once youre there theyll take you into consideration, and as the new guy theyll give you lots of attention which is always good when youre trying to meet people. Try to sit in some classes where the class being taught is your language in an advanced level, therefore those in the class will have an easier time understanding your accent. Look up the information to the classes on the schedule website online. But if its a small class you might want to ask the professor first if you can sit in, email him/her? Good luck!</p>

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<p>If you’re really looking for someone that bad, I’ll hang out with you and try to get you talking to some girls, haha. Just talk about yourself, there’s gotta be something interesting about someone coming from the east coast to take summer courses in the west.</p>

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<p>cool story, bro.</p>

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<p>^Only stoners say bro. Why don’t you give some helpful advice instead of just saying cool story?</p>

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<p>^what about surfers?</p>

<p>

qft. yeah, usually people who aren’t in tune with themselves and go out and date do so in order to fill their “void” (punny only if you’re a girl, which you’re not, so don’t laugh, take this seriously :l ) and hide behind their partner’s stronger personality.</p>

<p>as for what to do for 2 months, i dont think dating’s a good idea since you’ll have to break it off by the end of the summer (i guess you could just for kicks, but eh, to each their own). just take care of yourself, don’t care too much about what other people think about you, make a couple quality friends. you dont have to go out and drink if u want to have fun, you can still go to parties and not drink. you can just throw your own DL parties with some friends doing w/e it is u like to do. go out and explore berk/SF, lots of cool stuff to do and places to see (dont bring a car to SF, IMO…) don’t stress too much over the idea of a girlfriend. just go out and be yourself. this is berkeley afterall. soak in the sunshine (well idk, it’s hot in LA, but i’m guessing it’s not too gloomy in berk right now.)</p>

<p>also, i seriously doubt anyone in this thread read ur full post, OP. it was kind of a rant. and people are giving BS replies to stuff you werent even asking about (myself included. and yeah, i didnt read it all either, lol sry)</p>

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<p>Gotta agree with everything Crowslayer recommended to you.</p>

<p>As someone who moved up from LA I gotta say making friends up here in Nor Cal is the easiest thing in the world as everyone just seems… well… nicer. If you say hi to a random person they say hi back, not run in fear because they think you’re about to rob them. ;)</p>

<p>Seriously though man, just relax. A lot of people I’ve met on campus seem to have this weird idea that they have to meet people in their classes, and they end up pressuring themselves to be outgoing. That’s just stupid. Go OUT! Berkeley is a college town. Explore Shattuck, there are a bunch of local hangouts and pool halls and whatnot. Not drinking isn’t as limiting as you might think. You can go to a party or a bar or whatever where others are drinking and just not drink yourself. If you feel awkward without a drink in your hand order a soda and carry it around, nobody’s gonna sniff it to see if you’re really drinking or not.</p>

<p>Also remember there’s a bar right on campus that you don’t have to be 21 to walk into. Bear’s Lair, it’s where the food court is in Sproul. When you see a crowd in there just walk in and chill, talk to people. Every time I’ve been in there people have been super sociable. Go hang out, watch a game, and talk to people.</p>

<p>If you take anything away from what I’m saying I think the most important point is you can’t FORCE yourself to be outgoing. If you’re not, you’re not. Your accent isn’t going to limit you if someone genuinely wants to talk to you. Just be who you are, strike up conversations with people who seem interesting to you, and remember that not everyone in the world is destined to be your best friend/girlfriend/whatever. But we live in the age of Facebook, so if you get along with someone when you’re ready to bounce just throw out a simple “hey we should hang out, add me on FB” and do it right then. It’s way less intimidating than trying to pull a number so it should be easy for you, and it’s less of a commitment for them because hell, it’s FB, most people don’t even know who half their FB friends are.</p>

<p>Hope this helps, good luck to you.</p>

9

<p>

I wonder why this is the case. I would make more sense that the opposite is true - that people think they’re about to be robbed here in Berkeley while people in LA are more nice, since it is less of a crime infested city. I am glad that people are so nice here, but I wish people were nice in both cities >.<</p>

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<p>@SL65AMG:</p>

<p>1) I’m not a stoner.
2) You shouldn’t judge; Stoners are people, too.
3) You’re right; I was too lazy to read the entire post and offered no advice.
4) You offered no advice to him by telling me that I offered no advice.</p>

<p>@OP:</p>

<p>Just keep doing what you’re doing. Sooner or later people will see that you’re a nice and friendly guy if you just stay consistent.</p>

11

<p>Hah, I was half kidding. I love So Cal. But people are definitely more stand-offish there as far as strangers on the street. Depends on the area but yeah, I noticed on my first visit up here to Berkeley. You can just walk up to people and say whatever the hell you want and people will genuinely respond. There’s like this weird super-friendly vibe floating around… maybe all the marijuana smoke floating around seeps into people’s brains and gives them a “peace and love” type of attitude… LoL. Either way, it’s definitely a different experience.</p>

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<p>Search into your soul to find the answer. It seems that you tried to run away from your problems by coming to California. Man up and grow a pair. Its all about the confidence with the ladies. Other than that, cool story bro.</p>

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<p>Thanks guys. I feel i should be myself… definitely spend more time outside(with other humans…) tho :stuck_out_tongue:
At where i come from, pretty much everyone will kinda respond to strangers on the street, but in Berkeley, not so much… anyway i’ll try these places
The other day I walked a couple miles on uni avenue and shattuck st., didn’t find anything particularly interested me…</p>

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<p>

what would interest you?</p>

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<p>I’ll chip in about the accent: I’m born and raised in the United States, but my parents never bothered to learn more than a bare minimum of English. As a result, I’ve always had to speak to them in their native language.</p>

<p>Today, I speak both languages with equally strong accents. According to my friends, while they can clearly understand me, I have this unique accent that people can’t quite pinpoint.</p>

<p>So, yeah, even having spoke English all my life (just not exclusively), I still have an accent. You’ve only been here a few years, so having an accent is not unexpected.</p>