Need Advice with essays

<p>I am applying as a transfer from a small highly ranked/highly selective liberal arts school on the east coast to Berkeley, Davis, and Santa Cruz (I'm a CA resident). My gpa is a 3.12 because of a combination of factors that included me not liking the school which made me depressed as well as health problems with I'm now being diagnosed/starting treatment and I'm hoping my health problems will be fixed by the time I start school in the fall and also choosing terrible professors who grade harshly as opposed to others (my school does not curve). So I'm obviously worried I won't get into schools because of my low gpa (I have mostly Bs/B+s with a few As as well as one C- and a D- in chemistry which I'm now retaking).</p>

<p>Because my health problem hasn't been diagnosed yet (it is an intestinal issue; all I know for sure yet is it is not chron's disease) I'm not sure what to write for my explanation on why my grades are bad. So far I've just written basically that I have a health problem which is now being treated and it should be better by the time I start school but I'm concerned it sounds like it is a mental health problem which I know are stigmatized and even though I know there's nothing wrong with having a mental illness and it can't be helped I'm concerned about them thinking that. But I also don't want to go into detail about my illness because it's gross.</p>

<p>I am also wondering if it would be okay to focus a little bit on why I want to transfer in my personal statement about my career goals. I'm not focusing too much on the major portion since I'm applying to different majors at all the schools. One of the main reasons I want to transfer is because my school doesn't really have opportunities for me to study what I want while the UCs do; is it okay to say that I want to transfer in order to get these opportunities or should I leave that out of it and just say what my interests are? I'm interested in public health/animal science and the combination of the two which Berkeley and Davis definitely are focused on.</p>

<p>I'm also wondering if even though I'd love to attend Berkeley if I should not focus too much on public health in my statement and more on animal science since Davis is slightly more realistic for me to be accepted to.</p>

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<p>You should be writing HOW your illness has affected you but NEVERTHELESS how it has enhanced your confidence to work a little harder. You need to turn the blemishes of your life into the positives that have made you into the individual you are today. They don’t want to read a personal statement of someone complaining about their illness - they want to know how you have managed to continue your everyday life even while struggling with the illness. </p>

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<p>Yeah…that’s kind of the whole point. Did you read the prompts closely? </p>

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<p>Davis does not put as much emphasis on the personal statements than Berkeley does…</p>

<p>Thanks for your help! Would you recommend maybe using my illness as my second statement (the experience that means a lot to me) then? I was just talking about it in my academic explanation statement (for why my grades were not good my freshman year) or would that be too much? I was just going to use a small well written story for my statement about a small event that happened to me and gave me a realization but I’m not sure if I should instead use my illness now saying it made me realize I still have to work to persevere through hard times. I’ll definitely use the suggestion you gave for the academic statement too.</p>

<p>I’ll focus more on the public health aspect then since that’s what I’m applying to at Berkeley. For about if I should focus on why I want to transfer I meant if I should explicitly state “I would like to transfer because my school doesn’t have these opportunities” because the prompt isn’t asking why you want to transfer but is instead asking what your career goals are and how the school will help you achieve them. The UCs breadth of majors would definitely help me achieve that so it would be a part of my essay. Like I’m not sure if talking “badly” about my school in that way would be viewed negatively (it would just be one sentence but no clue how admissions views it).</p>

<p>How many units do you have? If you are under 60, your HS transcript will be weighed in the decision making process because you’ll have to apply for sophomore status. This would work in your favor because your GPA is not very good. </p>

<p>With that said you probably have 0 chance of getting admitted. While you might be a CA resident, priority is given to Community College transfer. 80-90% of transfers are from CCC. 3.12 is very low. </p>

<p>Right now, especially with your health problems, you seem like a total risk. If you enrolled in CCC, then got straight A’s for a a few semesters, you could prove that you have gotten over there issues. As-is I would not even mention it. </p>

<p>Furthermore as a transfer, prompt 1 will ask you about your intended major. If you list a bunch of different majors it will make it seem like you are indecisive.</p>

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<p>Yes. That’s a subject that’s more preferred for that prompt.</p>

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<p>That’s okay to list. However, you don’t want to negatively criticize your college - because it’s not really their fault. You simply didn’t find your passion there and therefore thought your career goals may be accomplish at the University of California because of the opportunities available related to your academic major. </p>

<p>Now there’s three things that may work against you with Berkeley: </p>

<p>1) Public Health is a capped major.
2) Your GPA is very low for Berkeley.
3) You are an out-of-state college student (even if you’re a resident of CA). You don’t have priority and you’re not really seen as a competitive applicant. Looking at these factors, you really need to polish this personal statement if you want to have a chance.</p>

<p>bomerr: I’m not sure how many of my units will actually be transferrable but I’m applying as a junior so unfortunately my high school grades/tests aren’t considered. I know that it’s very unlikely I’ll be admitted (and thanks for your honesty!) but I’m just hoping for a miracle. I got into Berkeley in hs and not going there is seriously the biggest regret of my life. I’m applying to some other private schools on the east coast too and my grades from this year will be a lot better and they’ll be able to see those but unfortunately the UCs (where I really want to go for both the academics as well as proximity to home) won’t.</p>

<p>For prompt 1 I’m not listing majors but instead I’m talking about my career goals (working in public health especially in food safety) which I think generally relates to all the majors I’m applying to at these schools but I’m not specially saying that I want to major in x.</p>

<p>ocnative:
Do you think I should apply to another major at Berkeley instead? At my current school I’m a double biology and an anthropology/sociology major. I’d probably have to end up going to grad school anyway for my future career goals so would it be better to apply as an anth or soc major at Berkeley? I really love those subjects too but without grad school they really aren’t useful but they definitely can be for public health.</p>

<p>ps sorry I’m not quoting! I’m on my phone and having issues haha</p>

<p>“Prompt # 1 (Transfer):
What is your intended major?”</p>

<p>You kinda have to name the actual major.</p>

<p>Honestly you should just finish up where you are and goto grad school.</p>

<p>Many applicants apply to different majors and model their essay around their career/educational goals and never state their major. But, the key is having a definite goal and not writing a vague wishy-washy essay. If you have a clear goal involving public health AND animal science you should be able to convey that in your essay. If you’re just hoping to get in somewhere and not sure what you want to do it will be obvious in your personal statement.</p>

<p>Honestly, you have a low chance at getting into the UC system because your stats are low and you’re OOS at a 4-year. I would look at other universities to transfer to as backup. </p>

<p>I also had a serious illness. Instead of taking a year off I tried to push myself and my grades suffered. I had to stay in CCC another year to prove I can perform. It really hurt me to stay another year, but sometimes you have to slow down and think about your longterm goals. I would weigh your other options and really think about the current state of your health, maybe even consider attending a CC and raising your GPA, or like bomerr said working towards grad school.</p>

<p>I definitely have a clear goal for what I want to do as well as experiences that made me interested in that goal and I’m basing that essay on those experiences I had which led me to be interested in that field of study. </p>

<p>I know my chances at a UC are super low but I’m applying just in case to make sure it won’t happen; I definitely am not expecting to get in and am more hoping for a miracle haha. I have two private schools I’m applying to also and one which gave me a big scholarship in high school said I would definitely get in and actually still get a smaller scholarship and the other I believe I have a decent shot at with my upward grade trend this year which I think I’ll end up having about a 3.4-5 at the end of the year.</p>

<p>I really did want to go to a ccc after my first semester last year but my mom wouldn’t let me because she is crazy lol. She doesn’t financially support me or anything but I feel like it’s not worth it to push and completely ruin our relationship forever (her stance against it is that bad. She wouldn’t let me take medical leave last year even when I was only able to go to class about three days a week and had two long hospitalizations). Not sure why she’s so nuts about it either since two of my older siblings went to a ccc and transferred and ended up doing really well for themselves.</p>

<p>But thank all you guys for your help and suggestions and I’ll definitely be using them!</p>