Need Criticism/Suggestions for my Cornell Essay about Philosophy

<p>It's about time I got started on my college essays. I just finished my Cornell Essay and am debating about whether a paragraph which makes my essay a bit long, is needed or not. I need people to read my essay, and critique it and make suggestions for improvement. Post in this thread or PM me, if you want to read and critique my essay.</p>

<p>Thanks</p>

<p>Bump. 10char</p>