<p>Naturally, I think you hit on something there. I know that was an issue for us. I think that fear of failure comes because the kids know they are intelligent, but are flummoxed at how to get out what’s inside their head in an organized and coherent way. They essentially give up before they even get started.</p>
<p>I think you read wrong. The OP states (in the first post):</p>
<p>“He gets near-perfect scores on all tests, but does not do homework or projects.”</p>
<p>That is, the kid pretty much knows the stuff already, and doesn’t need to do the homework to ace the tests. Poor kid. School must bore him out of his mind.</p>
<p>Yes, but schooling (and even life) is not just about what you know, but how you can organize, manage and produce. Again, there are a ton of kids who could ace every test but still manage to get the homework and projects done, even if it’s totally boring for them.</p>
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<p>I was also wondering that. And, why was this allowed to go on for so long. Unless I’m mistaken, I thought the OP said her son was now a junior and failing high school overall, not just merely one class. Why was this allowed to happen for nearly 2 1/2 years (December isn’t far off after all…) until deciding to finally do something about it?</p>
<p>Indeed, but being bored and fearing failure are quite different things! The kids you describe don’t seem to fear that if they do the homework they will fail. Neither, it seems, does the OP’s son. </p>
<p>Throughout k-12, a major concern for us was how to prevent S from being bored by the grade level curriculum. We saw that his being bored by grade level classes in the subjects in which he had above grade level knowledge had an effect on his performance in other subjects as well. We were concerned that he might shut off completely out of boredom–not fear of failure!.
Accelerating him in the areas of his strength conversely made him far more willing to work hard in other subjects as well and to excel in them.</p>
<p>“Why was this allowed to happen for nearly 2 1/2 years (December isn’t far off after all…) until deciding to finally do something about it?”</p>
<p>I’m not sure I get the idea that nothing was done about it.</p>
<p>Blue Alien, maybe you have not read the whole thread.</p>
<p>The parents did plenty, it would seem, during the first two years of school, to try to help their son with motivation and other issues, so that he could finish high school. </p>
<p>It is not that they were not doing anything, it is just that now, they are switching course, and trying to come up with an alternative path for senior year.</p>
<p>The OP even said that she/he has posted in the past for quite some time, and is now using a different name for the new situation. I think that the OP just did not want to go into a lot of detail about their efforts up until now, since it is a new ball game. Instead the OP is looking for ideas in order to move forward.</p>
<p>I don’t know about you, but I have three kids who are totally different. There have been very demanding years with each of them, no matter how successful (or not) they may have been in the past. I have learned not to judge, that’s for sure!</p>
<p>You may not believe the idea that “there is no such thing as laziness.” Until you have a kid with this type of problem or predicament, it may be hard to understand.</p>
<p>Tearing, a couple of years ago I was as hairless as you are. My daughter’s probably not as off-the-charts bright as your son, but their stories are similar: a top student who suddenly started doing poorly in school. She was failing AP classes while getting good scores on the AP and SAT Subject tests, and near-perfect reading/writing ACT and SAT scores. Despite her math phobia, she was the only girl in her class to be NM commended. Her teachers talked about what an asset she was in class discussions - even though she was failing their classes because she wasn’t doing her homework. It wasn’t drugs, it wasn’t alcohol, it wasn’t a boyfriend, it wasn’t a learning disability - what it was was a mystery, even to her. She spent summers repeating the HS classes that she had failed until 11th grade, when she was failing so many classes that summer school was no longer an option. (She repeated one class online - we hired a tutor to sit with her and make sure she did the work - then never submitted the assignments to the school, so she got no credit for the class!)</p>
<p>By the middle of junior year, it seemed that there was no point in having her continue in HS - at the rate she was going, she wouldn’t have graduated anyway. Our state offers a high school equivalency test which is accepted by all our public colleges and universities and many privates as equivalent to a HS diploma. She took the test and passed it easily, so she left school at the end of 11th grade. She enrolled in one course at CC that summer and did reasonably well, then took a full courseload in the fall and began backsliding again (though she still ended up with a respectable 3.0 GPA, far better than she did in high school.) </p>
<p>During winter break that year, she came to us and said that she wanted to volunteer with a charitable group overseas, so she took a gap semester and worked with disabled children in Vietnam, then came home and got a job at a local restaurant for the summer. </p>
<p>The life experience seemed to do for her what years of therapy, pleading, and threats had not - she finally began to take responsibility for her life and work, She spent a miserable semester in Paris with another CC, but got great grades, then came home and got all As in the spring. This semester, she’s getting A+s on her papers, and is planning to transfer to a four-year college next fall. She’s also holding down a part-time job and saving her money to go back to Vietnam in the spring.</p>
<p>There was a price to be paid for this path, to be sure - she missed out on the four-year college experience, had to watch her friends go off to college without her, and, due to her poor HS record, probably won’t be admitted as a transfer student to some colleges where she would surely thrive. (We are fortunate that our state flagships are very transfer-friendly.) But in her case, it seems that she just needed some time to grow up. And the HS -to- CC -to “gap semester” seems to have worked out well for her. (Knock on wood!)</p>
<p>There have been several questions about the reasons that my son is not
performing in school. I believe that the root of the problem is the
inappropriate educational environment that he has experienced for so many years.
As marite puts it, he has shut down. But I also think that he is now experiencing a toxic stew made up of depression, regret about having shut off so many options for the future, and a great deal of shame. This is the reason that my initial reaction, once I recognized that he was not going to finally pull things together this year, was to get him completely out of the situation and into something else that would allow him to be productive, feel successful, and mature. I’m now wondering whether it would be better to work on the current situation a little longer - neurological testing, therapy. If there is no improvement, though, my inclination is to get him out of school and into something else.</p>
<p>geomom and SDonCC, I think you are both right. Clearly, DS has suffered greatly from many years in classrooms where the material presented was well below his level. (No child can thrive in that situation, and most children are not asked to. If they were, then parents would be up in arms. I really don’t understand why so many people think that their children deserve an appropriate level of challenge, but see no reason that highly gifted children should have the same.) But just knowing the material is not enough; DS is not developing certain skills. If he could now magically be transported to the perfect academic environment, where every class was challenging and captivating, how would he perform? I don’t know. Would he still be able to ace the tests without study skills? Would he be able to research and write papers? Would he be able to carry though on projects? It’s impossible to know without the normal development of academic skills.</p>
<p>Thanks for your supportive comments, shrinkrap and compmom. Yes, we have made
many attempts to help our son as his issues became ever more serious. I started
to type a partial list of things we’ve tried, but even thinking of all the time,
energy, and money that has gone into this, to no avail, is so discouraging that I
thought better of it. I have started at least two other threads under new screennames
(other than my regular one; I don’t remember the screennames, let alone the passwords,
so couldn’t re-use those) over the last 2-3 years, soliciting ideas on how we could
help our son. There was much support and there were many good suggestions, many of
which I tried. We are in a new place now that I have come to terms with the fact
that there is no longer any hope of DS coming out of HS with anything resembling a
reasonable transcript. I am worried sick and desperate, and I never could have imagined
that we would be in this situation. But I have to keep trying, and I am very grateful
to all of you who are helping me to find a way out of it.</p>
<p>Thank you for posting that encouraging story, pamavision! It does sound like your daughter has overcome her problems although, as you point out, she still has lost opportunities and the HS transcript will dog her through the transfer process. I hope that she ends up with better college options than you expect. </p>
<p>Does she have any idea now what was holding her back in HS?</p>
<p>I think you should pursue several options at the same time. Have your child tested to make sure that there are no underlying issues; look into his applying to Simon’s Rock if possible this coming semester. And look into his taking classes at your local college (not the easy classes but genuinely challenging and interesting ones. They do exist!).
I agree that a big issue for highly gifted children is not just staving off boredom but making sure they cultivate the right study skills, time management and general self-discipline. My S still has to fight a tendency to blow off easy classes.
I would also emphasize to your son that he has not shut the door on good colleges. He does need, however, to turn things around. There is still time to do so, especially if he has a road map. good luck!</p>
<p>It is amazing that when you realize there is actually something medical going on with your child, how much better it makes you all feel (obviously, as long as it’s not serious). When we discovered that one of our kids very probably had Tourettes (and Aspergers), there was quite a bit of relief. No, you’re not just lazy, disorganized and introverted. No, we weren’t just crappy parents not giving you the appropriate guidance when you were growing up. There really is something going on that you can read about, do something about, and talk to the kid about. They become very relieved when they can put a name to it, and all of a sudden you and the teachers become more compassionate. They aren’t just “screwing up” and now it becomes, what can we all do to help you become more successful? What is the problem, and what do you want, what do you need?</p>
<p>Thank you, marite! Yes, I will pursue those options. I know that the Simon’s Rock application would be due in a month, if DS is to start in January. And I will look into local colleges that would have interesting classes and some sort of open-enrollment, unclassified student status. </p>
<p>We have been telling DS that if he turned things around last year, his chances would be very good for college, and that if he turned things around this year, he would still have some good options. But he can’t seem to turn things around in HS, so we will approach him about other paths.</p>
<p>Good point, Av8r. I would also add that it lets us know that we’re not alone, and that there are those who have gone before and who can offer help and emotional support for us parents.</p>
<p>Yes, Av8r, I can definitely see that some sort of diagnosis will change everyone’s attitude. For one thing, I have noticed that the school personnel are almost programmed to be very compassionate and understanding when there is a diagnostic label attached to undesired behavior. And I think that, if there is something going on neurologically with DS, it will be a great relief to him to know that it exists, and that he can learn to cope with it. So now I guess I am hoping for, as you say, a not-too-serious diagnosis.</p>
<p>Thank you.</p>
<p>Tearing, I think having the neuropsych done is a great idea. Gotta say, though, that from what you have posted, I think the problem may very well be the environment. Sure, some, maybe many, very bright kids do homework when they don’t need the practice to learn the material, as someone above said. But some don’t. They just don’t. My son knew that he could blow off math homework and still get a B in the class, so that’s what he did.</p>
<p>My son isn’t at Simon’s Rock because he has a diagnosis; he’s at Simon’s Rock because it is the best educational environment I could find for him, one that challenges him academically and engages him. He was very patient over the years in school, dealing with subpar academics in his special ed schools so that his other needs could be dealt with, but should he never have a good school experience? Once he was mainstreamed, classes were better, but still far short of what he needed. High school was going to get progressively worse for him, not better. He needed an environment that was challenging, and now he has it, along with a very supportive community. </p>
<p>Be forewarned about the Simon’s Rock application… as was pointed out today by someone who was a student here who now has offspring here, students have to do two essays for the application, but parents have to do four!!! :D</p>
<p>owlice, Do you think there is any chance that SR would consider my son, with his abysmal HS grades?</p>
<p>Tearing, if you’re willing to consider sending him to Simon’s Rock, what about looking into boarding schools? And, having him repeat a grade so he can make a fresh start and have more productive years on his transcript? It is very common that when kids switch to private schools, they repeat a grade. It does seem like a more challenging academic environment would benefit him, but at a place that would give him the support he needs to get work done. Getting more testing done would certainly help you and the school figure out what would need to be done, and perhaps even help you figure out what kind of school would be the best fit.</p>
<p>I am very curious as to what your son’s passion is. Though you may have already said it and I missed it. What drives him, what does he wake up for and want to do all day when he’s not at school? Is there anything he is obsessed with?</p>
<p>SDonCC, We did look into boarding schools at the end of his 9th grade year. The problem was that schools that might have taken him would not have offered the challenge he needed. I did learn of one school that specialized in very bright kids with issues, but everything I read about it, even on their website, put me off. Then I found some articles about a scandal there, a sexual relationship between a student and a faculty member. Around this time, we were really burned by a consultant, who was recommended by a CC poster, and who had all the right credentials and sounded great. He was in another city where we went to meet him. After he took our money, he basically did nothing. There are a lot of people out there preying on desperate parents. We have also dealt with wonderful people who did their best, but did not turn out to be right for DS. So we have wasted time and money, and we do not have an infinite supply of either.</p>
<p>I joined a local group of parents of teenagers with problems. A wonderful group, but the problems the kids had were much more serious - mental illness, drug using/dealing, etc. I’ve looked into therapeutic schools and summer programs. They all mention underachievement on the lists of problems they deal with, but when I talk to parents (and I called dozens from lists provided by the programs), I learned that the kids were all dealing with very serious problems. I was also having trouble with the prospect of sending my son off to be taken care of by strangers. If he’d had a drug problem, then I could have seen doing it. As it was, I could not stomach the prospect of sending him away at age 14, 15, 16, especially to programs that did not seem right.</p>
<p>At this point, it seems to me that the time for boarding school has passed. I also have to consider finances. We are going to be crushed by unexpected educational expenses. We planned and saved for college for two children. We are going to send our much younger child to an independent school for middle and high school, to avoid the risk of similar problems. Two or three years of unexpected boarding school expenses, as well as 6-7 years of unexpected independent day school expenses, on top of all the money we’ve spent on various other things for DS, would really cripple us.</p>
<p>But it’s not only that I can’t see how we would pay for boarding school, it’s also that DS is now about to turn 17, and life experience and/or college seems more the right choice for him. I think of Simon’s Rock as being like CTY, an environment in which he thrived. It’s hard to believe that they would consider a kid like him, but I will look into it. Maybe they would be willing to consider him for next year if he did well for the rest of this year?</p>
<p>Av8r, he does have a very strong science-related interest which he spends a lot of time on. He could pursue this at SR.</p>