<p>Though I go to a big party state university, nothings gone right. I am a shy individual, kinda nerdy, average looking, low self esteem because of 18 years of social conditioning where i get made fun of. I have tried improving my appearance with contacts and clothing, so Im decent at least but I still feel socially conditioned to behave with my head down and not be outgoing. anyhow, its my 2nd year, i tried turning over a new leaf but nothings changed. i tried making friends with dormmates but they keep to themselves with their doors locked and theyre always out. i tried joining a few clubs, but clubs are just clubs. i go there to do my thing: learn how to dance, do a sport, and leave. no one really ever goes up to talk to me wherever... and sometimes i gather the courage to do so and it goes nowhere. maybe people just dont like me for some reason?
i tried striking up conversation in class but it doesnt really lead to good friendships. i tried sitting next to good looking girls but its really hard to start up conversations and often times i cant sit near them because they have a bunch of guys around them already and stuff.
anyhow, so my days at college have regressed to going to classes, a few clubs, and returning to my dorm to study. this boring ongoing cycle continues day after day. i feel like im gonna explode. I know there must be tons of parties and stuff going on but when i walk outside i just see a bunch of people already in their own social groups walking around campus.... i walked all around campus looking for something fun or some hint of a party or something but there was nothing. anyhow, i dont really care too much if no one wants to be my friend. (though i would if i could want to meet some nice friends) but more importantly, if i could have nothing else:
i really just want to meet a cute girl. that would be great. I see a lot of cute girls walking around campus but when I try going up to them and saying theyre cute or something its weird and it leads no where.</p>
<p>looking back, I am not socially adept at all. I sometimes have a hard time comprehending and sometimes respond weirdly in response. Also, lately, I have been rejecting the people who are nice to me because they are the usual scum Ive always hung around with and Ive realized that they have qualities I want to get away from (needy, depressed, super stressed out, egotistical, selfish, low social-value, or rude)</p>
<p>well…first off never go up to a girl amd awkwardly tell them they’re pretty. They’ll think you’re a creep. Girls like clean shave cut/fit guys. Good start with the contacts and clothing. Cologne would help too. Go to the gym and get your buff on. You’ll gain confidence when you start to get fit/cut and girls will start to look at you in a different way. You’ll also notice the amount of attention you receive when you’re more appealing to the eyes. Hahah my suggestion is to find a gym that has work out classes where you’ll push yourself because you’re working with others and you’ll socialize with then which will help with your awkwardness. Good luck.</p>
<p>Jesus, not all girls are attracted to buff gym rats. The main thing is confidence, which you seem to be lacking. Maybe set up a couple of meetings with your school counselor to help build your self esteem and identify your social problems. Then when you try to talk to girls, just remember, however pretty they look, they’re just people too and they have the same thoughts as you. They get self conscious and worried around people they like. If you act confident in yourself and genuinely interested in what they have to say (rather than focusing obsessively on how you think they’re above you) they’re going to be interested. There’s nothing wrong with working on yourself first before you try to impress other people.</p>
<p>OP, I empathise with you, I really do.
As was previously stated, confidence is the main ingredient. Not arrogance, but just little things like being clean shaven, dressing nicely, conditioning your body, etc.are all signs of self respect and confidence. You go to a great university, you are likely very intelligent, another plus. Don’t just randomly tell girls they’re pretty, even if they are, but try to introduce yourself at parties or wherever. It helps if you have people to introduce you. In college, I made many of my friends by meeting them through other people.
Hang in there OP, I wish you the best.</p>
<p>Not a great start, I don’t know how else to put it, it’s so much easier said than done but just try to not be as shy. In reality girls don’t really like shy guys, unless they are good looking (if they are good looking they are also less likely to be shy).</p>
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<p>Of course it’s weird, don’t do that! You can only get away with that if you’re really good looking and even then depending on how slutty the girl is they may think you’re a weird kid or jerk.</p>
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<p>Yeah, they are pretty crappy personality traits, won’t be winning any friends or women with those.</p>
<p>The good thing is you know where you struggle, the bad thing is that you’re struggling in alot of crucial areas. The fact that you know what is wrong means all I can do is try and enforce;</p>
<p>Don’t be so shy, if someone speaks to you, answer with confidence, smile, humour doesn’t hurt.</p>
<p>Most importantly, don’t be so weird. There can be good weird, but it seems as though that’s not the kind of weird you’re exhibiting. Try and relate to the students more so with the way you speak, the words you use. Yeah I’m pretty much saying try to conform, it mind seem weak to be a conformist but not really, friends are more important.</p>
<p>Sorry for bumping an old thread but I want to address this^
Yeah um that ‘community’ was no help to me. They basically emphasize what I was doing before which is approaching girls out of the blue while they walk around campus</p>
<p>First step is noticing the problem. Next step is addressing it.</p>
<p>You mention that your conversations aren’t going anywhere. If that’s the case, there’s this great book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” by Dale Carnegie. It’s available quite cheaply and at several places. It teaches you how to change yourself to be a socially great (yes, great, not just tolerable / OK) person. It’s a very dated book (written in 1934, IIRC), but the principles are timeless.</p>
<p>That’s just one of several self-book books on this topic.</p>
<p>As for shyness / not approaching people: just force yourself to put yourself out there, and you’ll eventually get more confident.</p>
<p>I don’t think the principles in that Dale Carnegie book hold relevant to young people nowadays. Basically, it tells you to ask a lot of questions and seem genuinely interested in the other person. I guess that’s true to some extent, but girls really like their guys to be funny and charming. you almost have to be a d-bag. Next level attraction</p>
<p>That book is aimed at making friends / leading, not getting laid. I know some fairly anti-social people who have really hot girlfriends but not very many friends in particular. If that’s what you’re looking for, then yeah, that book won’t be of much help.</p>
<p>I personally think that just being social in general is a solid foundation to a bunch of other things, including meeting girls, getting a job, and other sources of support.</p>
<p>Attracting ladies is really quite another topic, but many of the skills necessary in doing so can be learned from close friends (hopefully, some of which are just naturally good with ladies) once you make those friends in the first place by being social. Yes, it’s possible to get the girls without being social, but a social life is like a multiplier in terms of how effective those attraction techniques are.</p>
<p>That book tells you nothing about being social. IMO being social is a direct translation of extrovertism. Dale Carnegie writes in that book that in order to win friends, you have to make them feel comfortable, that’s pretty much it. The whole book can be summarized in one simple, intuitive sentence.</p>
<p>Also, being social has nothing to do with how you can get a girl. Yes, you have to show the girl that you’re not a complete clutz when it comes to simple conversations. But other than that, it boils down to confidence. And most girls will prefer a guy that can tell jokes, because it’s true, just saying…</p>
<p>No Im not engineering. I dont want to disclose details.
Yes I want friends more than girls. Im not shallow. But girls are definitely important. I see so many walking around campus that I feel like Im wasting my time by not doing anything.
I just need to find a cool, easy, non creepy way to meet girls and become friends with them and the best way it seems to be is to expand my social circle but I dunno… I guess I just dont get along or connect with a lot of people. Most guys are caucasian guys who do average in school and usually just talk about football and ramble on about the most boring stuff</p>
<p>Everyone develops at their own pace. You are putting too much pressure on yourself. Be patient.</p>
<p>I was kind of an ugly ducking at 19.</p>
<p>And not very good with girls.</p>
<p>In fact, I was pretty lame with girls until I hit about 23, but then, I did well, and have dated some absolutely gorgeous girls in my life. However, even then, in between girlfriends, I did not do particularly well in the girl department.</p>
<p>No one ever said it would be easy.</p>
<p>I like the idea about going to the gym, because at least you will be accomplishing something, and you have just as good a chance of meeting a girl at the gym than you do at a bar.</p>
<p>Also, when you study, study in the library, where there are other people, not in your dorm room.</p>
<p>Further, perhaps you should think about transferring. You may need a fresh start.</p>
<p>Also, think about joining a frat, where there are 40 ready made friends, who are having parties with sororities.</p>
<p>College is rough for shy, average-looking men. I think the best thing you can do is to join a frat so that you’ll have a group of guys to hang out with and drink with on weekends. Also, you’ll probably have much better luck meeting girls at parties because, ideally, you’ll both be drunk.</p>