<p>So I'm a freshman and I live in a suite, and my roommate is gone for break. I'm still here and so are my suitemates, one of who is my friend. They are in a room that connects to our hallway and shared bathroom/sink area, but I am in my own room (alone for the week). </p>
<p>Last night I had the guy I'm dating stay over (he does most weekends) and this morning my suitemate was like, "So I'm guessing he stayed over last night." I was like "Yea..." and she was like, "He's not gonna be staying all week is he?" And I was like "I don't know maybe.." and she was like "Oh well I don't know if we're all comfortable with that (meaning her..the other 2 don't care)." </p>
<p>I told him last week that it would be fine if he stayed over all week since my roommate is gone and his roommates are obnoxious and he needs to rest for finals which he can't do in his room. I really want him to stay over, and I don't see why it should be a problem if he's just in my room and not in theirs. </p>
<p>The only time they even have to notice him is if he leaves my room to use the bathroom, and it's not like he's taking showers or peeing all over the place, so it honestly doesn't involve my suitemates if he stays over.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I don't want to upset my suitemate cause she is my friend...</p>
<p>I really want to keep having him here, but I don't know what to do. Please help!!!!! Thank you!</p>
<p>When you say “so it honestly doesn’t involve my suitemates if he stays over” you are making that judgement for them. </p>
<p>Seems to me that they are the ones to decide if an added person in the suite involves them or not. </p>
<p>It’s OK for a suitemate to say “ummm, I just don’t feel comfortable” without having to spell it out for you . . just like it’s OK for you to say you want this friend over the whole week.</p>
<p>After you talk about it then you get to decide whether you want to p*** off your suitemate deliberately or not . . . all part of learning how to live with other people.</p>
<p>Maybe asking if he spends every other day or something so it’s not all one way?</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice, but can you help me understand why it would bother her? Like I said, we’re just in my room…not hers…
I really don’t get it!!
Maybe I’m an idiot, but I need to get this!</p>
<p>Maybe she doesn’t want him using the bathroom? Or just doesn’t feel comfortable with a boy in the house that she may not fully trust yet? It doesn’t really matter what her reason is, but ask her how you can help remedy the situation. Ask for a compromise but understand that she wouldn’t be saying this without a reason behind it.</p>
<p>I would love to just tell her he won’t stay again tonight, but he has a huge exam tomorrow and I promised him he could stay here cause of his roommates or I know he won’t get any rest and the test is really important for his major.
Do you think she would be okay with it if I explained this to her and promised he’ll stay in my room (not use the bathroom or anything)?</p>
<p>I agree with suzy. She’s not comfortable with his staying over, and you should honor that. You shouldn’t have promised your boyfriend without making sure it was OK first. You’ll have to apologize to him and tell him he can’t stay.</p>
<p>I would ask her what specifically makes her uncomfortable - tell her you want to come to a reasonable compromise. I assume these suites are similar to what I stayed in when I was a student, and each room has a door that can be locked off. If she is concerned about him being in “her” suite, you could agree to keep your door closed, and let her know if he is in the bathroom (or agree for him to not use your bathroom, if there is a common area bathroom available), and she can keep her door locked, so he has no access to her room. She has a right to help set rules for use of the shared space (the bathroom), but your room, which is not her space - just as you have no say in the use of her room. </p>
<p>If she is concerned about noise, or some other way in which he is disruptive of her ability to study, work with her to set guidelines for quiet hours - which may already be in place in your dorm.</p>
<p>If push comes to shove, have him stay until you’re ready to go to bed, and return to his room only to sleep.</p>
<p>CTScoutmom, I guess I would agree with you if the school is aware and allowing the guy to stay over. If it’s against the rules, there is no room for compromise - he can’t stay.</p>
<p>Obviously finding a compromise would be best…try to find out what is bothering her specifically, so you can honestly address her concerns.</p>
<p>but OP, why do you think it’s ok to upset YOUR suitemate…when really the best solution is for him to step up to the plate and work things out with HIS roomies, so that he can study/rest in his own space. He has an RA who could help him work things out.</p>
<p>As of now, he should certainly work to diminish his presence in your room–your roomies are also under the stress of finals, and if he is adding to their stress, not cool. There are places he could study all over campus, the library, study lounges, class rooms.</p>
<p>Back in the dark ages, I had a suitemate ( 4 girls, 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, small living area and kitchenette) who had her boyfriend over all the time…and she expected the rest of us to disappear when he was around so they could have “privacy.” The reason they never went to his suite? Because he did not want to inconvenience/upset his suitemates. Somehow she failed to see the irony. We did not include her in our housing plans the next year…she was really upset about that because all of a sudden she didn’t have any girlfriends to live with. And her boyfriend was not interested in having her over at his place all the time either.</p>
<p>I had suitemates last year who I loved and they had a friend (who was a girl like all of us) stay over. It was okay when she crashed a night or two, but it started to get to the point of every single day.</p>
<p>I only shared a shower/toilet with my suite mates, but even still, it was really annoying having that extra person there for such a long period of time.</p>
<p>I did say something and my suitemates respected me by asking her to not spend the night anymore, because she had her own dorm on campus.</p>
<p>Your suitemate has the right to get bothered and you should respect her for that.</p>
<p>You really should have asked. You can’t just tell someone they can stay when you share the space with other people. Your roommate has a right to her comfort and her comfort trumps his. </p>
<p>Ask your roommate if it’s OK for him to stay tonight and only tonight if he has a “big test” tomorrow. Then tell him that he needs to find an alternative arrangement.</p>
<p>Agree with romani above ^^^^. It’s not up to you to judge WHY your suite mate doesn’t want your BF staying over–seems that they’ve been pretty tolerant to date with letting stay over every weekend. It is their finals week too & not fair for you to stress them out by having someone stay over that doesn’t belong there.</p>