My S is a very high functioning Aspie. He is a jr. at a competitive HS in IL. He is bright but but very lazy and unmotivated. Weighted GPA 3.6, ACT 32 with a mix of regular and AP classes. Lower GPA mostly due to a few Cs in Math. Luckily he is more of a liberal arts guy anyhow. Loves History and is an excellent writer so English is up there too. Right now he is thinking Journalism, but is still mostly undecided.
He is socially awkward. Although quirky, he had a good group of friends in grade school/early middle school. Unfortunately, puberty hit and he became more withdrawn. I can see he really wants to do social things with these boys but struggles to know how. He is trying however. His old group was more of the sporty spice type. His new group are boys he has bonded with through Cross Country or Tennis or his AP classes. I mention this as in my observation, he tends to gravitate and feel more comfortable with the quieter, nerdier type of kid that tend to participate in what I call the “gentler sports”.
My son’s executive functioning skills are truly lacking. He is a slob, extremely disorganized and needs constant reminders. or this very reason, he NEEDS to move out of the house. Even if he crashes and burns, I believe that he will come home a hair more independent if he is forced to figure this out on his own. If he stays home and goes to a CC I don’t think he he will never grow as a person as he is way too dependent on me. The other big issue with staying home is that I believe his only hope of a social life is to be a “regular” freshman thrown int the same situation as everyone else. He does need alone time to decompress, so a single may be an option.
That said, I think that he would do best at a school that attracts students like him. A good mix of kids from all walks of life.
Here is a list of schools that we have visited - S does not offer much but when he does his insight is usually profound
Wisconsin - Probably too big (although I do like the learning communities and the life skills dorms). I would push this but his insight is not necessarily that it is too big but instead too busy.
Purdue - He liked Purdue better than Wisconsin as campus a more self-contained. I fear it is too large and that he will fall through the cracks as he will not have the skills to self advocate. I do like that fact that it is not super greek and attracts a lot of engineering types from all walks of life. Even though Engineering will not be his jam, I think it will have a good mix of kids allowing him to possibly find his social niche.
Illinois - Pretty much the same as Purdue. It is very greek but it also has its fair share of nerdier personality types and unlike Butler there are enough kids that he may have a chance at making a few friends. They also have Private dorms such as the Newman Center which may or may not be a good thing. Great thing is that they will clean your room once a week and change your sheets every two weeks, For me that is HUGE!!! I won’t have to worry about his room hygiene as much. But he still may be better off in a traditional dorm freshman year so social reasons.
Butler - He liked the size of Butler but I have crossed this one off the list based on reviews and info from personal experiences from people I know. It is very Greek and with a student Body of less than 5,000 he would be the fish out of water.
Xavier - On paper this was my personal favorite. Small and they do a lot of hand holding so it would be less likely that he would fall through the cracks. No greek system, good reviews both from students on sites and from personal acquaintances. I have never heard anyone say a negative thing about this school. Admissions counselor in our area is amazing. Campus is lovely and manageable. My concern is the distance. We will drive him there and pick him up but he will most likely have to fly home from time to time. It’s also not a school that is close enough for me to check in on him from time to time to be sure he is doing laundry, eating foods besides sour skittles, etc.
Marquette - He says this his favorite. I think it’s because I told him Marcus Lemonis went there and he is a big fan but he says it is because the people seemed more genuine and down to earth. Oddly, I fear the opposite which is why I am not sure it’s a good fit. I may be wrong, but I see Marquette drawing a huge portion of it’s students from the Chicago suburbs. I fear it will not be diverse enough for him. When I say diverse, I mean people from all socioeconomic backgrounds regardless of color or race. When we went through the room and all the students had to disclose their hometown. 45 of the 50 were white kids from affluent Chicago suburbs. Again, that is not a bad thing or a good thing. I’m just afraid it will more like his high school experience. He is friendly with those types of kids at school but has nothing in common with any of them so he does’t hang with them socially. I fear this will be much of the same. It does however weigh heavily on the positives: School is a good size, close and easy drive so I can get to him often and he can come home often. Academically decent with a pretty good journalism program and will have connections in Chicago if/once he graduates. Manageable campus (although I didn’t love its much as Xavier) and they are getting a new Freshman dorm that opens next fall. Small enough that he may not fall through the cracks if advisors are truly on it. A building dedicating just for Tutoring to help kids not fall through the cracks. All good things.
He is also the type of student that is mostly self taught and does the minimal to get the grade he wants. Doesn’t do a lot of homework but can still pull off As on almost al of his Tests/Exams (except Math because you need to do the homework). I did mention he was lazy. I thought a school like Xavier would be a good fit as they have small classes, take attendance, etc. But I am now re-thinking that. Perhaps a larger school with a more “traditional” college experience may work better? I say traditional because my husband and i are both products of Big 10 schools where most classes consisted of a mid-term, a final and an occasional paper. Yes, some of the classes required more homework but fo the most part it was much more of an autonomous atmosphere. The benefits of a smaller school are the class sizes and the fact that you can get to know your professors. He may skip class and because he has a hard time socially will never be the brown-nosing kid that will want to get to know his professor. So I’m not sure that it will be an advantage. It may actually be a disadvantage.
All of that said, does anyone have any personal experience with an Aspie kid with traits like S and any of these schools?
There are a few others I would like to explore but have been reluctant due to reviews and what I know on paper.
Loyola and Lake Forest for their proximity
Maybe SLU but again the distance is an issue and it seems to attract the same the same type of student as Marquette.
Case Western - I have mixed feelings based on what i have read. The distance is an issue but my husband has close family in Cleveland and his Aunt taught there so there is more of a personal connection.
I know there are a list of others that may work based on services they provide; Kalamazoo, Beloit, Wooster, St. Olaf but again the distance, the setting or the academic offerings may not be a good fit.
I would love to hear any and all stories. It’s so hard to navigate this path. Everyone will have a different experience but if there is a common theme, I can at least weed out some of the crazy thoughts that enter and exit my head on an hourly basis.