I am happy to report that my son has not had any mean boy incidences. In fact, at this age, the boys are relatively easy, especially if they keep with similar interest boys. My son is a total nerd academically but fortunately, he is also very big physically (5’10’’ 150 lbs) and lifts weights so the jocks don’t pick on him. He does report that the jocks at his school tend to pick on the nerdy boys who are physically small, especially in the locker room after PE. He’s usually good at protecting his friends though and my son helps the jocks with their math homework so they respect him but I think it is hard if you’re small physically … with boys, I think it’s about size and not what brand you’re wearing (less materialistic).
I will forgo the dirty joke and say that I think this is true, especially as the years between 14-18 produce vast physical changes in kids. It’s really funny comparing the pictures of the incoming class to the graduating class four years later. In fact, the kids change so much, the school had them take new pictures for their IDs at the beginning of junior year. One boy I remember in particular was probably the runt of the freshman class. I thought he was absolutely adorable (thus, the problem). He was unrecognizable by graduation. Anyone who might have picked on him in ninth grade would certainly have thought better of it by twelfth.
Well, that was a lot of reality for Friday afternoon. Hopefully mine doesn’t have to experience too much of it. Thanks for sharing though.
@SculptorDad: I can assure you that the mean kids are in the minority. I have been extremely impressed by the many intelligent, creative, confident, and very kind young women I’ve met, at my kid’s school and at the prep school where I worked. Your girl will find a lovely friend group at any school, I’m sure.
ChoatieMom, you sound like someone I would enjoy having a glass of wine with … (smile)
Actually, my son just met a boy this year at school who remembered him from preschool - the boy is about 5’1’’ 100 lbs now - he asked my son: don’t you remember me, i used to push you in the sandbox in preschool? My son towering over him responded good humoredly, “really? try push me now.”
@SculptorDad Just curious, where did you here that ALL of the SRP applicants were accepted? That is not what I heard from my DD’s advisor. Interestingly, it is not just Science and Math that is important for acceptance, but the ability to express oneself well in personal presentation and in writing. Students who are considering applying take Public Speaking the year before to hone that skill and an excellent recommendation from the English teacher is crucial.
Wow @sculptorDad that is one impressive kindergartener. Maybe we ought to hook her up with the CIA, bet they could use a cunning manipulator like that, a 5 year old would go totally under the radar in the spy community. 
@Center - Thank you for that refreshingly truthful post #455.
I second @mexusa’s comment about Choate’s SRP; it’s highly selective.
Can’t find that post, but what I meant was EIP with it’s own research component, not SRP. (Though maybe I was confused and mistyped.)
Exact wording from Choate was; “So far we have been able to support all of our qualified students who have wanted to be involved in our Environmental Immersion Program.”
@labegg, some kids are socially precocious. I met quite a few girls at that age, though my experience has been all positive except that girl.
@scupltorDad my youngest sounds a lot like your daughter. Her experience at BS to date has been that there is minimized mean girl shenanigans - not eliminated entirely. It seems to be easier to avoid drama at BS vs her LPS. There are plenty of interesting passionate people to hang out with and she simply chooses to avoid @prep possee" as they are called at her school. As she didn’t start traditional school until 2nd grade and then was grade skipped- she hasn’t had to deal with mean girls for that long and has little patience for it. She has commented numerous times on the differences in the types of conversations that take place with her BS friends vs her hometown friends.
@Center - your post 455 is scaring me. My older child (in the lps) is binge watching Gossip Girls. Not helping!
@carpoolingma. It is surreal. I have lived it. I am not socially competitive so I just don’t play…Boarding school is different than day schools because there is no pick up and parents socials and play dates (younger) etc. But those very real social strata pecking order games live on in the offspring. Sorry I am a bit jaded.
interesting article
@Center Post #455 – This is exactly my experience. We have had this experience at so many venues I can not list them all from the Independent DS to the soccer club to the ski race teams. Moreover, I am friends with a women whose son was a full FA student at Andover. She talked about how the kids that jetted a way every holiday did not treat her child with dignity. She felt it was due to the FA. Children even in a uniform quickly know who is who by asking holiday and summer plans.
I am sure money matters even in boarding schools. But how divisive is that? Surely there are other, more immediate and practical things pertaining boarding daily life that also either divide or connect kids than money - academics, sports, EC, attractiveness, etc., etc.? Would kids avoid someone because they figured that she won’t be skiing in Alps during Winter break, when they themselves can benefit from the relationship in their academics and EC?
Never been a BS parent, but ^^ this was our experience at an elite private school our son attended before he started homeschooling. It was the weirdest thing I’d ever seen, though I was a PS kid all the way through law school so maybe my peon-ness shone through. 
My husband didn’t even graduate from college so perhaps people thought we were the riff-raff. 
Seriously, it was bad. I often wondered why we were paying so much for that experience.
ETA: a decent # of the kids at that school went to BS for high school.
@SculptorDad this has absolutely not been our experience at Exeter with any of our four kids. All have been friends with families from varying levels of wealth. We have hosted kids and our kids have been hosted with zero of what has been mentioned. I always felt like passion, work ethic and intellectual curiosity set the pecking order here. Our son has experienced some pretty amazing things with his wealthier peers/ fancy dinners, staying at their homes, was invited to europe (but I wouldn’t let him go prep year). We have had kids to our home to eat Easter brunch or jump on our trampoline - simple pleasures.
One of his best friends was his freshman roommate. I will never forget dragging our “older luggage” into his dorm room on a hot August day. Where we were met with a wall of Amazon boxes that his roommate had delivered ahead of time with every luxury from home. At first glance, these 2 boys could not have been more different, one private plane, New York childhood and one middle class southwest childhood. But they always respected each other and took the time to see the person each was- not where they came from.
I am only speaking from our experience at one BS with 4 kids- so certainly not implying everything is always rosy. But have faith it will work out for your daughter- I am sure it will!
@SculptorDad – I can not speak to how divisive money is at boarding school but my oldest went to a DS and we have families that could donate $1 million at a shot so obviously that was not their only charity. They did not associate with the dads that were not at their level. They were nice and all but it was as if you weren’t there.
The identical thing happened at our soccer club. We had 3 parents that were uber-wealthy. And you know it thanks to Zillow. Even though the boys were at the same level the parents never mingled. They were not initially friends until they joined the club but after that they would say hi and they go to their circle.
If you think about who can and does go to HADES and when you later look at who these kids marry. When do you see a Bush or a Kerry marry Genius Joe from the Engineering family. The caste system is alive and well at the upper level.
@Center post was right on the money from my experience.
Responding to the OP:
From the circles I run in (or used to), sending you child to a BS kinda has the same vibe as that new program at International School of New York. When describing the goal of the program, he said “they’ll learn all about private aviation — we’re guessing jets, helicopters, and seaplanes — as well as social media, how to tell the quality of diamonds, and types of caviar.” They’re both viewed as bastions for social elite.
And to be frank, aside from very poor students, you do have to have quite a bit of social capital for BS to even pop into your mind as a resource to look into to find the best “fit” for your child’s academics. Most don’t have the luxury.
Many of the perks of BS spoken about here can be found at a good, small public school. I found a website citing 5 things most don’t know about boarding schools.
- There is a boarding school which will fit your requirements.- This is different for different districts, counties, and states. For my high school experience, I was able to choose public schools, there isn't just one school where everyone has to go to.
- The teachers in boarding schools will care about your child.- This is great, but I don't really appreciate the insinuation that non BS or private schools don't care. Public school teachers get a pretty bad rap. There are good teachers and bad teachers at every school. (Google St. George's in Rhode Island.) Yes, there are many times where teachers can be overwhelmed but in my high school, my teachers cared a great deal. I would have lunch with teachers, hang after school with teachers, have real conversations, and even exchanged phone numbers prior to graduation.
- Boarding schools are more affordable than you think.- Of course, public school wins in this category, as it is free. But, if you are making the choice to pay for a school for "fit," you're generally coming from comfort, even if you aren't rich. Paying for "fit" is a privilege especially when you have a free option available no matter how crappy it may be. Yes, they provide financial aid. But let's take my college for example, 60% of students receive no aid at all. Does that mean NU is exclusive for the rich? Of course no. But statistically, there are more rich kids than there are not. That brings me back to the perception of wealth. If most students are rich with few low income and middle class students, then of course, a school will be looked at as mainly for rich kids.
- You don't have to worry about your child while she is at boarding school.- Parents worry. I'm in college and my mom has seen our extensive security measures and has seen the support system around and she still worries lol. That's how parents show their love.
- Your child will learn to love learning.- There are bad seeds everywhere and good seeds everywhere. My high school did not "teach for the test." It's why we had so few APs. Almost all of my classes were real world, problem solving based classes. I learned skills that have real world application outside of the regular NYS standards. It made school fun.
When I eventually have kids, I don’t know where I would send them. Obviously, I don’t know what my situation will be, but I certainly hope I am rich enough to be able to comfortably send my child to a top boarding school. I hope I am rich enough to send them to an elite private school. I hope I’m rich enough to live in a district where a top public education is a given.