@jdewey Just responding to a few parts of the article:
This is hardly unique to private schools. My public school did not have a bell and we showed up for class on time and remained attentive to the last minute without getting up and disrespecting our teachers. This is lazy analysis. This doesn’t show the difference between public schools and private schools. This shows the difference between good schools and bad schools. And schools that have bells and schools that for some reason just don’t lol.
There are bad private schools and good public schools.
On the one hand, we’ve heard people complaining about the political correctness that is “butchering” campus life. The debates and education about social justice, racial, gender and socioeconomic equality are considered intrusive, disruptive and interfering freedom of speech. On the other, we still hear parents complaining their kids are being treated unfairly because of the disadvantages in their backgrounds they have no control over. Personally, I have never felt Andover in general is a hostile environment to the 48% of students on FA. However, I do believe there are incidents of the nature and sometimes they could be serious. Otherwise there’d be no legitimacy to have campus wide discussions on equality every so often. I think parents indeed have a choice to make here - do you want your kids to be exposed to an environment with an over representation of the rich and powerful at such a young age? Do you consider it a learning opportunity or potentially traumatic experience to be exposed to the cultural shock you might avoid by staying in public school?
"hostile" I think is a little too strong of a word for the unwelcoming environment among some groups of kids.
Just because 48% receive aid doesn't mean 48% of the kids are disadvantage. The average aid at one DS was $20k. The average income that received aid was $250,000. If you are making above arguably $175k in a metro region, you aren't doing that bad.
“The caste system is alive and well at the upper level.”
One child had a roommate freshman year who still referenced The Social Register and suggested other children at the school that her child should get to know. 8-| Naive, small town me thought that stuff was right out of an Edith Wharton novel. I could write a book myself based on this one mom. The stories would amaze you. She fell into @Center’s definition of the second circle of wealth.
“Disadvarage” is always in relative terms. For teenagers in particular, it’s peer group and how they feel that define their experience. But, that’s not the point my post…
It is helpful to remember that when we say we were seeking more opportunities for our children, the person on the receiving end, possibly from the institution being abandonned, will hear it differently. Instead of hearing "We want more...", they hear "You have less...". There are those who might be saying "We want more" with the intention of throwing "shade" but more likely, they are saying what they mean with no hidden agenda. It's about me; it's not about you. The negative reaction to the comment, the assuming one is being dissed, reflects the receivers own issues-whether of jealousy or inadequacy or whatever. Nonetheless, it is helpful to remember to be considerate in how we answer their question about
It is sad that we can’t find joy in each other’s successes and opportunities but we are human and it doesn’t come naturally.
Our children have attended public, parochial, day and now one is at boarding school. The choice to go was entirely hers. We had no interest in letting her go. She was a star at her local day school and receiving recognition for being so. SHE decided she wanted "more". She recognized she could be pushed farther. We've been to the college admissions rodeo a few times and know that by making this change, she was likely giving up her opportunity to get into many top schools. Adcoms recognize one is coming from a stronger school, but at the end of the day, the ratings game matters. If they can have child A with higher grade point average and class standing, all else being the exact same for Child B-demographic, experience, standardized test scores, that is preferable. So while our child is getting a fuller, richer education, she is now among top students from around the world and does well but is no longer in that top 2. We have talked about the cost of her choice a number of times. She feels quite strongly about staying the BS course.
Metrics aside, I can tell you that from our direct experience, our child is receiving a considerably stronger education. Her old day school was fine and upstanding. Her present boarding school has her working at a college level. She was working on a paper yesterday defending the practice of eugenics. She has debated the thinking of philosophers such as Marx and Kant. She is working so very hard, more so than her college aged siblings (now that begs another discussion, but not here). When it comes time for her to go to college, she will do well. She may have traded the chance to attend certain top schools she would have otherwise been offered admission to, but she will find college to be quite do-able after her experience at her rigorous boarding school. It's hard as her parents to let her go and it is hard to have her choose to play the game her way when we know the cost in the college admissions game, but she wanted more, she is getting more.
It has been our experience as it has been for many others that our hometown friends have moved on without us. It makes us sad and is perplexing. We don't think it comes from a place of malice and we were fortunate to not have people second guess her decision, at least not to our faces.But it is isolating. Esp as we adjust to having "lost" our kid. Lost her. Lost the friends. Sigh.
@laenen In addition to the point of “disadvantaged in relative terms” I made earlier, specific to Andover, there are indeed a good number of students from disadvantaged background even I n absolute sense. While it’s true that the school’s FA program is very generous and in certain cases benefit even the higher income families, the truth is that it’s still a need based program. 13% of the students are on “full scholarships” which include not only tuition fees and room and board but also books/supplies, travel and even an allowance of spending money. It’s reasonable to believe that at least there are as many students on FA are from the “true” middle class families. In a school of Andover’s size, that means there are at least 300 or so students who are by definition from somewhat disadvantaged background, which is bigger than the size of the total student body of some smaller schools. If there are issues that seriously concern such a big group of students as a whole, they are likely concerning all 47% of students who receive FA and those that are barely able to be full paying. That’s why I think It’s meaningful to have discussions about equality on campus. Meanwhile, the reality is that in private schools and private colleges there are indeed an over representation of the well off. Although my experience at Andover is that it’s really not cool among students to flaunt wealth and good fortune they inherit from parents instead of intelligence and talents, we shouldn’t expect others to change their ways of life just to make us feel better. The differences are out there regardless how you feel. You just wouldnt get to see them in such a stricking way if you were not living in a dorm with a few daughters of investment bankers from Manhattan! As a matter of fact, some parents choose not to send their kids to private schools for exactly that reason, and I don’t blame them. It is a legitimate consideration.
That’s wonderful for her and your family. However, it lends credence to the notion that BS is for the privileged. Most kids can’t just say “Hey Mom and Dad, I want more for my education so I want you to pay for my education even though you don’t need to.” Now, there is nothing wrong with that. More power to you! But there is a negative connotation with that type of privilege and financial security because the overwhelming majority of people don’t have that.
I don’t think anyone has problems with the education aspect of it, it’s the social elite aspect of it. Many people have negative views of those who have a higher socioeconomic status than them, and yet aspire to be those people anyway.
"However, it lends credence to the notion that BS is for the privileged. Most kids can’t just say “Hey Mom and Dad, I want more for my education so I want you to pay for my education even though you don’t need to.” "
@CaliCash There are plenty of self-directed kids wanting a boarding school education that relies on full or partial financial aid. Kids can say, “Hey Mom and Dad, I heard about boarding school. I want more for my education so can I apply and see if I get accepted and get some of that financial aid they have available?” Happens quite often actually.
@doschicos I don’t doubt that happens. My middle class middle school had a program where some student were nominated for a program that gave them an opportunity to attend a boarding school for free. A few went to Choate, Loomis Chaffee, and Lawerenceville. They turned out really well. But of course, those students were just particularly driven. They would’ve been successful at any high school.
But for most people, when you hear “boarding school”, you don’t think “Low income and middle class kids on scholarship.” You think “wealthy, entitled rich kids.” It’s about perception. Looking at my college again, 40% of kids are on some sort of financial aid, but seeing that 60% are not, we have a reputation that says we are for rich people.
@calcash There was definitely more to the conversation. When we expressed our lack of support, we also shared that we would not be on board with the financial implications. Without saying more, finances were part of the equation, very much so, but the school clearly wanted her as much as she wanted them.
@CaliCash Finances were certainly a part of the equation. We could not just pony up the cost. As she was interested in the school, they were likewise generous in making it work for her to be there.
I think although it is not unheard of it is uncommon for a child to request BS (or any type of fee based service i.e. summer camp, enrichment program, etc) and offer to research financial aid options. I think those traits come out in their high school years.
I have a new reason for sending my child to boarding school, one that I think a lot of parents can get behind. Since DS has been home for Spring break (He got home late Friday night), I have had a home cooked breakfast, 3 home cooked dinners (by him, not me), his bed has been made everyday, the floors have been swept (voluntarily), laundry is being done, dishes are being done… he’s either gained a lot of maturity and responsibility while he has been away, is really bored since all his local friends are still in school, or is disgusted because he thinks we live like pigs. Regardless, as long as he keeps it up, he can stay.
I hope this isn’t considered resurrecting an old thread. I just had a doozy. My son spent the weekend with his grand-parents. He asked me if he could tell me something if I promised not to say anything about it. Apparently grandpa told him he should not be going to boarding school in great detail. Of course, as a 13 year old in 7th grade who looks up to his grand-father this made him feel uncomfortable–despite having many good reasons himself. I used it as a teachable moment and reminded him that it is up to him (and to us) to make our own assessment of what is right for HIM and not to worry. Argh however.
She fell into 