<p>My daughter just went through rush at her school--successfully, as it turned out. She was most worried about finding the right fit and a tiny bit concerned about being rejected from the ones where she did feel comfortable.</p>
<p>IMHO, 2nd semester rush offers many advantages--the primary one being that she was able to determine that many of the sorority stereotypes she had heard about frankly did not apply. She was able to get a feel for which sororities really weren't "her". This was also a girl who had stated before attending college that she would be pledging a sorority.</p>
<p>In the end, it all worked out. I remember feeling anxious that week, waiting to hear how it went and concerned that she wouldn't get what she wanted. I've never pledged so probably can't appreciate the rejection component involved in all this. I, like you, didn't want her to get hurt. She didn't, was very happy and got her first choice. </p>
<p>Even among her colleagues who were extremely anxious, everything worked out. Some didn't get their first choices, BUT according to my D, ALL of them now believe it was meant to be. I guess you'd say, in spite of a system that can seem harsh, I now truly believe that you end up where you're supposed to. </p>
<p>I wish your daughter (and you!) all the best in this process. And I know you'll be glad, like I was, when it's over!</p>
<p>Fredo, I feel your pain, we have a couple of years before that's an issue. Most schools that I am familiar with that have that high a Greek %age have many types of orgs and many types of kids involved - this may be a long weekend, but I'm sure she will have a good outcome at the end.</p>
<p>How do you know which sorority is right for you? One semester is not much time to meet people and make such an important decision? And what if you later find out you made a mistake, then what do you do? Can you resign from a sorority? </p>
<p>Does being in a sorority mean you can only hang out with those girls and does each sorority also have a frat they hang with? Sorry for all these questions, but all this sounds bizzare to me. Can someone help me out with answers...please.</p>
<p>At some schools they do not allow students to pledge until sophmore year which means that they have time to check out various sororities , the types of functions /activities are involved in and how they deal with people in & ouside of their group. You are not expected to nor should you have to cut loose all of your other friends because you have pledged.</p>
<p>tribegirl: I deactivated after three years. You don't have to stay with the house once you pledge, but most people like it and do. I hung out with all different kinds of people. My roommates were from two different sororities.</p>
<p>I knew there'd be another KD out there somewhere!!</p>
<p>Well, rush is over for my daughter and it went poorly. She only got preffed to one house that she never could connect with. She struggled mightily to understand how rush parties could be so great and then get cut. She opted not to pref that one house and while she's comfortable with that one decision, it's torture for her to watch everyone around her go greek (at a very heavy greek school). She doesn't get what happened and there was alot of real sadness for her.</p>
<p>My heart is very, very heavy today. My sweet girl is hurting and it's causing me great pain.</p>
<p>A similar thing happened to me. I went to a heavily greek school. Did not get invites to the houses that I wanted and dropped out of rush.</p>
<p>It may be tough for her for a few weeks, because it will seem that everyone is talking about sororities. But it will die down, I promise.</p>
<p>I do remember the weekend that a lot of the houses were having initiation, I found another girl who did not get into a house and we left town for the weekend.</p>
<p>Most if not all of my friends were in houses freshman and soph year. I still hung out with them. It wasn't that big of a deal after a while. I did have some jerk tell me that I wouldn't get asked to fraternity parties because I wasn't in a house and thus could not recriprocate. I have to say, it didn't hurt my dating life. </p>
<p>My school also had a second semester rush--there are some good points to it and some bad. She may be able to do an open rush, or try again next year if she wants to.</p>
<p>fredo, your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry to hear how tough things went for your daughter. And I know it's just as hard for you, wanting to help and
feeling pretty helpless. Your supportive words will carry her through this. It sounds
like she made a good decision not to go where her heart was not.</p>
<p>A good friend of mine had a daughter who had a similar experience. She told me that
rush "can be brutal". The same thing happened to her D as a freshman at a heavily
greek school. Fast forward a year later....she went through rush again, found 2
sororities that seemed to want her and vice verse. But she ultimately decided that going Greek really wasn't what she wanted after all. The good news was it
truly was HER choice the 2nd time around.</p>
<p>Please know the CC contingent is with you and your D.</p>
<p>Thank you, thank you, thank you. All your kind words truly do help. We talked about COB'ing, we talked about rushing again next year as a sophomore when she knows many more girls in the sorority (sophs can rush). But the hurt is too new to really talk about that yet.</p>
<p>Luckily at her school, all frat parties are open so there's no real need to be in a sorority for frat party life (which is the center of the school's social life). And there's really nice upperclass housing available, although my D's first comment when I mentioned that was "but who will I room with?" She knows that she'll have to search a little harder for social connections now that the "built-in" one won't be available to her. She seems to be okay about it but I know it will be tough in the immediate future as she sees girls running to houses tonight after getting their bids, sees pledge groups form and sees all the girls on her floor bonding with their new sisters. I think she'll be okay in the long run but short term will be tough.</p>
<p>Again, thanks so much for the nice thoughts.</p>
<p>Fredo, I know it hurts. I "suicided"--- meaning there was only ONE sorority I wanted to join-- and did not get a bid. It seemed to be the journalism house--- several of my j-school freshman classmates pledged that house, but I didn't get a bid. I pledged late in my sophomore year to another sorority that actually was a much better fit for my personality--- which is rebellious! This too shall pass but it hurts like hell when you know your kid is in pain.</p>
<p>My sister just finished up the rush process at her school, and let's just say it was...traumatic. At her school they go back a week early for the rush process and spend their days and nights meeting different sororities. At the end of each day they rank the sororities and then see who matches up. They make a few cuts, until it goes down to one. After the first day my sister and her best friend listed 5 sororities that they loved. My sister was incredibly positive about the process and said she LOVED the girls in the sororities. This from a girl VERY anti-sorority. So when the next day came she was crushed to see that she only got 1 of the top 5. They automatically fill the 4 spots with any others that would take you, so she ended up with 1 soror she wanted, 1 she could deal with, and 3 she hated. Me and my mom prayed for her to get into that 1 sorority, and the next day she was cut. So she was left with 3 sororities, only 1 of which she would even think about it...but she didnt really think she wanted. She stuck with it, "suicided" by only allowing that sorority, and ended up getting it. She loves it now, but she absolutely hated the process and I think my whole family is in agreement that it makes girls feel like ****. To be completely rejected by your peers is nothing anyone wants to experience, and THAT is why I chose not to apply early to Dartmouth. I have heard stories of the guys starting freshman year to get in the good graces of the frats at Dartmouth, constantly sucking up to them and never making a false move. It sickened me....</p>
<p>...but now I find out there are underground frats at Princeton and it makes me a bit nervous. I'm considering rushing lol - I guess you just have to see the situation first hand!</p>
<p>Hugs being sent your way Fredo and for your daughter. I don't know much about the sorority scene in college but what I do know is that as a mom, you can't bear to see your child hurt or sad. It is very very hard. I also know that you have the wisdom and experience to know that right now, it is very rough for her but she is immersed in the moment and this whole deal will pass and things will get better. It is just a big topic on campus right now so she feels left out. But as you say, some of the social scene is not dependent on this and also she will mesh with other girls not in sororities. She probably doesn't want to hear this but she actually did get invited to one sorority. I am proud of her for not joining that one when it did not feel like the right match and not acting out of desperation. Hopefully within days, she will get over this initial disappointment and something else will take over her attention. Perhaps there is an organization, activity, or club she can join where kids bond through the mutual interest. That is another type of "belonging" and it happens more naturally as kids share an interest and nobody has to be invited and all that jazz. The sorority rush stuff sounds like it is something with lots of potential for hurt feelings, not fun! I guess it can be fun once you are part of the group but this a aspect rather sucks. She WILL get over it. The thing is, right now it is a very disappointing experience. Unfortunately life is full of them but when you are a parent, you hate seeing your kid have to bear it. It will get better. </p>
<p>I hope she has at least one friend who is not doing sororities just to hang with during this week when this is all the rage. </p>
<p>Take care. She'll get through it. I'm sorry you have to see your child feel pained. That is tough. Nobody wants to see their child go through that and it likely pains you more than her cause you can't bear seeing her have to feel this way!</p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>PS, while I said I am not up on the college sorority scene, this may sound strange but when I was in high school, there was a sorority and a frat in my community for high schoolers and I was in that! I have never heard of that in this generation but we had it in high school! Kids came from more than one high school. I remember pledging freshman year of HS!</p>
<p>Oh fredo, lots of warm hugs directed to your daughter and to you. What a horrible process, although I'm sure you will be there for her and with time she'll find her way out of the hurt.</p>
<p>I know there are people who have a great time with the Greek system and think it's so wonderful and valuable, and I'll probably get flamed for saying this, but I think it's all a steaming load and should be trashed immediately. I went away to college to start over, to get away from being ostracized by all the cool kids in high school, and if I had been at a school where the Greek thing was a big deal and I was put into competition with everyone else, well... I don't want to even think about what I might have gone through.</p>
<p>There are many other ways to get great housing and social activities without the competitive nature and harmful aspects of the Greek system. Tell me all you want about your great experiences, but when people like fredo's D are crushed in this way, doesn't it make you even reconsider your stance just a little bit? </p>
<p>(PS: That's just a rhetorical sort of question meant to engender thought.)</p>
<p>Mootmom, I have to say, that whole scene does seem wrought with heartache that just is not necessary. My D is a freshman in college and sororities are not big at her school at all. I feel like she has so many friends from various things, including a close knit dorm. There is no "picking" and "choosing" in these overt ways. It has all be very pleasant! I can't imagine adding this whole thing to the mix. I dunno but it sounds like lots of hurt feelings and all. I am glad my D is not involved in this and in fact, the whole friendship and bonding thing is more natural and also through various activities....there are dorm friends and then friends she has through various outside activities. It is not frought with all this angst. My kids did not seek out colleges with big Greek scenes and in a way, I'm glad cause while there likely is a lot of fun and closeness once you are in these little groups, this part that Fredo is relating sounds rather sucky to me and competitiveness when it comes to something that should be natural...friendships!
Susan</p>
<p>I am so sorry she is hurting, and vicariously, parents too. It will be tough for next few weeks as othr gals go thru initiation and hang with their new 'sisters'. I strongly suggest you encourage D to get involved with an EC. </p>
<p>I have no idea where your D attends, and what the criteria are for being accepted. Did she always want a sorority? Did she get cught up in the rush process because it seemed like everyone else was? I truly believe there are lots of gals who never wanted to join, and others who tried, but also didn't 'fit'.</p>