Nervous wreck over sorority rush!

Parents Forum
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<p>Tutu: it probably depends on the school. I would hope it was a thing of the past. My roommate made a point of wearing her Star of David. She wanted people to know up front. Actually I think money is more the issue. I was asked several places "where do you summer?" to which I always said "the same place I winter." </p>

<p>On my campus, the African American students joined the Service Sororities and Fraternities. One of the "Q Dogs" in my dorm said that the regular fraternities seemed juvenile. There were four Service Fraternities and Four Service Sororities in addition to the 16 Sororities and I'm not even sure how many Fraternities--probably over 25. Mad Bowl and Rugby Road were chock-a-block with Greek houses.</p>

<p>April: Back in the day at my alma mater, the girls had to go to all the houses. They gave you a specific time for each one. The first round the rushees cut. After that it was cutting from both sides. Supposedly it was more "civilized" bwwahahaha. The fraternities had Open Rush for about two weeks, after that the parties were closed. (well, not for girls) The men could go to just one house the whole time if they wanted, or visit around. There weren't any rules. Usually with the guys, if they didn't want someone to pledge, they made it pretty clear at their open parties. </p>

<p>Girls weren't allowed to do that. You had to do the poker face thing the whole time. Sometimes a girl would get cut only because she hadn't met a lot of sisters during a party so when it came time to vote, nobody knew this person. Our house usually kept the unknowns for a few rounds. Some houses didn't. Some houses were also famous for rotating an unwanted person to a group in the back so they wouldn't meet people. </p>

<p>And then there were two of my all time favorite dirty rush experiences. At one house we rushees were given a "Grillswith" (fried donut with icecream) on a paper plate and a flimsy plastic fork, plus a cup of cider. You were supposed stand and chat, and eat, and drink...yes you ended up with a soggy donut that you threw out discreetly as you left. Another house gave Rice Krispie Treats with napkin stuck to the bottom. You could just eat it and pretend it was delicious, or pick the napkin off, or throw it away. At first we thought these were mistakes--until everyone started comparing notes!</p>

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<p>what exactly is a rush?</p>

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<p>Tutu, as far as segregation by race, I know that the Greek scene at U/Alabama is still segregated. Or at least it was two years ago. Don't know about other Southern schools.</p>

<p>A rush is like speed dating only for different purposes. You go to a bunch of parties and supposedly see who clicks with whom. Only you questions like "Where do you summer?" which means "Is your family rich enough to meet our standards?", etc.</p>

<p>I would take the frats and sororities down brick by brick and sow salt in their grounds. And take away the kegs.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
the African American students joined the Service Sororities and Fraternities. One of the "Q Dogs" in my dorm said that the regular fraternities seemed juvenile. There were four Service Fraternities and Four Service Sororities in addition to the 16 Sororities and I'm not even sure how many Fraternities--probably over 25.

[/quote]

What are Service Sororities and Fraternities? How are they different from regular Greek Sororities and Fraternities? Who/what is a “Q Dog”? Thanks, I apologize for my ignorance.</p>

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<p>Tutu: Omega Psi Phi Bulldogs were known as "Q Dogs" on grounds. Most of the Greek sororities and fraternities we are referring to above are "social" --although they do have philanthropic causes. There are also "service" and "honorary." Actually they all serve the same purpose, which is comraderie and a network, well for those that are accepted anyway. <em>sigh</em></p>

<p>Try this: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fraternities_and_sororities%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fraternities_and_sororities&lt;/a> </p>

<p>needhelp: Rush is when the sororities and fraternities look over prospective members and theoretically vice versa.</p>

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<p>I'm new to this board, but your story really brought back bad memories. My daughter rushed second semester of her freshman year at a highly greek school. She was cut by my sorority and my mother-in-law's sorority in the second round. I think they had to invite her back because of the legacy status, and they were very nice to her and acted like she would get invited back. It is a very cruel process and very hard as a perent to get a phone call from a sobbing child who thinks she did somehting wrong. I think in her case the numbers worked against her- there were about 1000 girls who started rush and the sororities did not have enough spaces for all of them, though when I was in college, legacies were given preferential status and the rec letters meant something. She had a rec letter for several sororities, didn't seem to help. I was devastated and it took me a long time to get past it. She was like your daughter and dropped out before the preference round, because she didn't like the two that kept her on the list. She tried informal rush her sophomore year, but that seemed to be very limited and only very good friends of current members got in that way. She ended up doing a study abroad the second half of her sophomore year and that was a wonderful experience. Then last semester, (fall of her senior year) she did an internship at DisneyWorld. It was the best thing she has done so far. Encourage your daughter to try some other activities, it will be hard, especially when all of her friends are pledging and have a social life that she won't be included in. Just let her know it wasn't anything she did, that was what I kept having to reinforce with mine.</p>

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<p>As my father said to me when I told him I was pledging a fraternity:</p>

<p>"Son, I'm happy for you, and I'll be even happier when you outgrow it"</p>

<p>I didn't understand what he meant until sometime in my senior year, when I finally outgrew it. However, I still have fond memories, and I keep in touch with several of my former fraternity brothers.</p>

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<p>Fredo--sounds like your D is a great girl. </p>

<p>FWIW, I was sad for my son when he didn't get into a fraternity he wanted to in his freshman year, second semester. I wasn't big on frats in general, and was kind of surprised he was interested in Greek like the first place, but I remember being so upset at the idea of anything causing my kid pain. The mother lioness wanted to go hunt down whoever had hurt him and kill! (or at the very least go disband the whole sorry Greek system LOL) But the following year, he joined another fraternity, and he really got into it, partly I think to prove the other frat had made a mistake in rejecting him. He took it and ran in a way I would have never foreseen. He became rush chair helped grow and strengthen the fraternity--and later became president. The other presidents would ask him for advice. He's graduated now, but the brothers still call him his opinion on running the organization. He won awards for his work. He went from being this freshman kid feeling rejected to being one of four guys to be named to the homecoming court senior year at a pretty massive university. The point is, he's a good kid who studied hard, got back up again after a hard knock and made opportunities for himself, so it was nice to see that in the end, good things fell into place for him. Anyway, I keep relearning the lesson that life is always full of unexpected twists and turns. Fredo, bet your D is going to find some wonderful things on the road ahead.</p>

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<p>Fredo,</p>

<p>What happened to your daughter sparked at jumping off point for a conversation with my freshman D about the rush process at her school. While freshmen are not allowed to rush at her school she shared some insights:</p>

<p>Timing: At her school the fall rush had a big turnout thereby limiting the amount of bids for winter rush (she said about 9 people did not get bids in the fall and 21 this past winter rush)</p>

<p>Who you know: She still keeps in touch with her h.s friends, one at Tulane did not get a bid to the frat her wanted because he essentially was not making connections to the frat before hand where his roommate literally sought out the frat from day one and got a bid.</p>

<p>She may not have a chance to pledge the sorority that she wants to pledge (mine)because there is only one member on campus and she is graduating. Because it is a national sorority the low numbers of recruits stems from the sorority's obligation to abide by both the College's and its national organization's recruitment schedules.
The two guidelines often conflict because the national recruitment schedule is based on the semester system. So she may end up not going greek at all .</p>

<p>When rushees do not get bids I don't beleive that it makes anyone happy and the Panhellenic council realizes that. At Dartmouth there has been a few articles written about adding another sorority to ensure that eveyone gets a bid. </p>

<p>More rushees than spots: this seems to be a problem with every sorority on every campus in the country.</p>

<p><a href="http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2002052401010&sheadline=sorority&sauthor=&stext=%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2002052401010&sheadline=sorority&sauthor=&stext=&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p><a href="http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2004041601010&sheadline=sorority&sauthor=&stext=%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2004041601010&sheadline=sorority&sauthor=&stext=&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Winter Rush</p>

<p><a href="http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2005011401010&sheadline=winter%20rush&sauthor=&stext=%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2005011401010&sheadline=winter%20rush&sauthor=&stext=&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p><a href="http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2004041601010&sheadline=sorority&sauthor=&stext=%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2004041601010&sheadline=sorority&sauthor=&stext=&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Few sororities offer all rushees bids</p>

<p><a href="http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2003011501080&sheadline=sorority&sauthor=&stext=%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2003011501080&sheadline=sorority&sauthor=&stext=&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>In the end, whether we are pro or con on the greek system our kids want go through this process . All we can do is sit back, love them any way, rejoice with them if they get what they want, and tell them that this moment will pass if they don't get a bid.</p>

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<p>Nothing good can come from sorority rush. Its is a subversive way of segregation. Frankly a class action lawsuit should be filed against it</p>

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<p>^^^You are posting on a thread that is 5 1/2 years old.</p>

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<p>Despite the age of this thread, I think it deserved a bump–it’s subject is pretty timeless and great food for thought for anyone thinking of applying to a college where the social life is dominated by Greeks. Clearly for some kids, the harshness of the rush process could be completely inappropriate or at worst psychologically damaging. “What if you don’t get into a good sorority but everyone you know does?” is probably not a question contemplated by applicants to these schools.</p>

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<p>Oh, what if you don’t get into a great school and everyone you know does? I still can’t see the difference. These organizations can do a great deal of good. It depends on the individual as well as the campus culture. Bringing this up will only start another “war” between those who like Greek culture and those who abhor it. This brings up as many hurt feelings as being the last one picked in gym class. Since most rush is done until January, can’t we all just get along for a while?</p>

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<p>Mizzbee, I’m certainly not starting a “war” here. All I’m suggesting is that students entertaining the idea of attending Greek-dominant schools consider the possibility of rejection and how they would deal with it, particularly if they had many friends who were accepted. Some kids would shake it off and move on easily. Others would be very troubled and feel they had chosen the wrong college. This is not a commentary on the organizations themselves, just a caution to students who may be looking to Greek life as a key element of their college years yet not appreciate the potential downside to the rush process. As this dusty old thread shows, it doesn’t always work out as planned. In the CC discussions of fraternities and sororities I’ve seen in the last couple of years, I don’t recall this particular point being raised. It’s just food for thought.</p>

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<p>At the U of Texas, freshmen rush sororities the week before school starts. Very few non-freshmen rush. Some of the mothers stay around til rush ends (the day before school starts); a number of these moms were staying at the B and B I stayed at around that time this year. One of the moms who posts on the UT forum said that when she was at UT, she knew someone who dropped out of college after a bad experience with sorority rush. It can be pretty darn stressful. (I think it would be better to have the rush after school started, rather than before school starts.)</p>

<p>My favorite UT sorority guideline: The sororities prefer that the student provide no more than five letters of recommendation per house.</p>

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<p>Campus culture is an important facet to Greek Life and should definitely be taken into consideration. Being in a sorority at a small liberal arts college (Rhodes, Beloit, Colorado College) will be very different to a large state school (Michigan, Alabama, Penn St, UCLA) especially one that is in the South.</p>

<p>However, in the case of Fredo’s daughter, one key point remains. She did have an invite back to pref (the final round) but chose not to go as she didn’t like the group. Now this is her her perogative, but at a school where rush is competitive, where this could be the one chance to be Greek, and where the houses can be quite large, my advice would have been to go to Pref, list the sorority on your pref card, and if offered a bid, then taken it and gone through the new member period to get to know the girls and the sorority better. You can always not initiate if you really didn’t like it. </p>

<p>Sorority rush is set up to ensure that an equal number of girls are placed in each house as far as possible. It is also mutual selection - as far as the rushee is choosing, then so are the houses. After each round a computer matches the rushees choices with the houses lists and invites are based off this matching. It is also not a case of ‘not enough spots’, as quota is set at preference round, after releases and withdrawls. Numbers from Auburn and Alabama (2 very competitive schools) indicate that the number of girls released completely is very small (and will almost certainly in large part be due to grades) but that the number that withdraws, despite having houses to choose from, is much much higher. </p>

<p>It helps to understand the Release Figures Method of return rates. If House A consistently is ranked No 1 by rushees over a 5 year period, they will be required to release a larger number of girls than House G, which consistently is put at the bottom of every girl’s list. The idea is make girls consider a wide range of houses than just the ‘top tier’ and to stop the ‘top’ or more popular chapters from stringing girls along by inviting them back then releasing them just before pref. At campuses where this has been in use for some time, it has raised numbers placed for all houses.</p>

<p>But yes it hurts and anyone considering rush, should think about their personality, their campus and whether it’s right for them. There are a lot of happy stories out there about COB and rushing as a upperclassman during informal rush -although I will reiterate, at schools with competitive rushes, freshman formal recruitment is usually the ONLY chance to go greek.</p>

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<p>PS apols for contributing to the bump of an old post…!</p>

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<p>I think it all depends on the campus Greek culture and, somewhat, the student personality. Two of my kids would take a non invite and move on, one would be hurt and ponder it for a while.</p>

<p>One of mine found her sorority to be a lifesaver, she attended a large public (Cal) and was on a sport team that was keeping her busy, but she did not really fit with the girls on the team in terms of making BFFs and was quite lonely. With a busy premed schedule and sport team, she really needed a quick way to make that campus small and find friends.</p>

<p>She rushed spring on freshman year and whilst she was a legacy to the so called #1 house, she found them to be not as good a fit as one that a friend was a part of and she only preffed that one house. It was them or nothing, she ended up with a great experience and encouraged others to rush.</p>

<p>DD is not a drama queen kind of kid and she found the rush all night evaluations to be very much at risk of junior high ridiculous reasons for one girl or another to be cut, even in her middle of the pack sorority. She called me once to whine about how stupid it was to be up all night and have some of the girls have the silliest of reasons for cutting some one and worst of all from DD’s perspective take an hour to discuss cutting Suzy because she did not use product in her hair. DD thought the reasons were dumb and the time taken to go over it were painfully ridiculous.</p>

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<p>“…cutting Suzy because she did not use product in her hair.” Well, there’s the first round of ammo if anyone really does want to start a war!</p>

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<p>Yeah, MJ, a dangerous comment to type, but DD felt that her Grekk experience was great and really allowed her to connect quickly with some nice friends, even though there is a lame junior high girl in every crowd.</p>

<p>So, trying to point out that there is an valid argument in there, there are really “mean girls” who revel in power everywhere, but that does not mean the entire system is flawed, though it could be at some schools.</p>

<p>There are ‘mean girls’ everywhere in real life, too.</p>