<p>^ we know our kids the best. What some here might think as ‘crazy’, might actually be the best for our s/d’s.</p>
<p>Momof2012,
I am glad your son has been coming out of his shell and establishing relationships…the friendships will come in due time.</p>
<p>It seems as if he and the roommate might not have a BFF relationship but your son has already learned that he does not need to depend on the roomie for his fun and social life! As long as they can learn to co-exist respectfully your son will be fine.</p>
<p>The roomie obviously likes to have his privacy respected…it seems that he gives no info about himself or his whereabouts. I hope extends the same amount of respect to your son and his life, and that he places no demands on your son.</p>
<p>Next on Lifetime: The College Roommates of Jeffrey Daumer.</p>
<p>I’m pleased your son has begun to find his social circle and make some connections with people who share his values. Maybe the roommate will be AWOL often and he’ll have a single-ish room.</p>
<p>My D doesn’t like to drink or take drugs or go to parties either. Most of her friends at college have merit scholarships. If they were caught drinking or taking drugs, they would jeopardize their scholarships. My D said the policy is one strike and you’re out. My D specifically chose this college over our flagship university because it doesn’t have a big party scene.</p>
<p>Our neighbor’s son got kicked out of college for smoking pot. He was also arrested on a drug-related offense this summer while at home. His father actually condoned his drinking and drug use as part of the “college experience.” Now he’s back at home and going to community college.</p>
<p>I totally understand that you were hoping that your son and his roommate would become friends. It doesn’t appear that this may happen. At the beginning of her freshman year, my D’s roommate didn’t show up until the day that classes started. Everyone else had moved in four days before that. Then her roommate ended up going home almost every weekend. But this forced my D to go out and find some other people to hang out with who stayed there on the weekends. It all worked out because she made some good friends. She has a different roommate this year who seems like she is really sweet and considerate.</p>
<p>odds are the “missing roommate” either lives close by or probably already knows some people at the college and didn’t feel the need to participate in the week of wonder of whatever acronym colleges come up with for the week before classes. My oldest had “older” friends in his college town and I don’t think he went to one event after his wilderness orientation which ended at the beginning of the week of wonder business. I’m sure his roommate wondered why he was MIA and I’m guessing he probably crashed at his friend’s apartment. S1 was never really into “dorm life” and forced group hugs and didn’t really do any high school club or group stuff. He’s more likely to go fly fishing, hiking or camping than to a film on the quad type deal. Everyone finds their friends eventually that enjoy the same types of activities. The best advice i’d give a newbie freshman is to never write anyone off until you get to know them better. While first impressions are sometimes accurate they can equally be way not accurate.</p>
<p>As far as drinking/not drinking the kids that don’t drink do find friends that don’t drink. Sometimes it can take alittle longer because the parties bring kids together so the non drinkers need to find activities that bring groups of kids together.</p>
<p>Moma2012, I think you just love your son a lot and he feels the same. I think if he was a girl, many posters might feel a little different. That being said, it sounds like your son may be a little manipulative. He knows how to get you upset and likes it. Most older kids try to keep things from their parents that might make them worry unnecessarily. It sounds like you kind of play into it by asking him about everything that could possibly be wrong. He should be taking care of the small things himself but he seems (from your posts unable to).</p>
<p>Next time he calls don’t ask him about anything that could be wrong. If he gives you a laundry list of problems maybe just ask him how he is planning on dealing with them. He’ll figure it out.</p>
<p>Just a quick update -
Regarding the absentee roommate, who thankfully is not anything at all like a secret murderer /Jeffrey Daumer type of guy. Big HUGE laugh of relief, LOL! The roommate is mostly gone. He is very close to his parents/his dog and he goes home and he spends all his time there, from what my son can tell. The roommate’s courtesy levels are improving too… Last night our son sent him a text asking that he return to school at a reasonable hour. Good news- his roommate showed up at 11 PM, instead of 1 am as he did last Sunday.</p>
<p>Truth serum time! Saturday was not a great day for our son…He said he tried everything and he still could not find anyone to hang out with…or anything to do except to play online video games in his room. We talked alot, asking a ton of questions, just trying to figure out strategies. He was having an off day, although he finally figured out a difficult lab report. When he called us for help, we didn’t get overly alarmed and we didn’t pick him up and take him home or take him out for a meal. We did not visit him or suggest that we would visit him. We got a little annoyed with him and told him to keep trying…Then, we sent him a pizza at about 9 PM. He says he shared it near the tv area where some people were watching TV and maybe he did (LOL , or was he playing online Magic the Gathering in his room again?)
On Sunday I found a few websites that were very valuable. FINALLY! The websites gave details of outdoor recreation activities! You can reserve activities and pay for them online.(Was this covered at orientation? Did our son not listen?)We talked more…He said he will try the activities… A day trip to a beach- very cool- night canoeing- awesome! 5K runs! There is funny stuff available on campus- kickball tournaments, even Hary Potter quidditch. Our son “liked” the Facebook page , the one that has ongoing info about the activities. </p>
<p>Of course we were not pleased that our son didn’t find these outdoor activities on his own, but then again. let’s look at this in a positive light, OK? This is the fourth week away from home and for 4 weeks our son has been trying and it does appear that has had some fun at times and that he is making some friends. This is a process. It all takes time. I think we are heading in a positive direction. Don’t you??? Wish us all luck! Best regards to you all…</p>
<p>Your S plays Magic the Gathering…</p>
<p>Many schools have MTG clubs, has he checked on this?</p>
<p>Is there a store (typically a comic book store), that has MTG nights on Tuesday and Friday (Friday Night Magic)? My son loves MTG, on our most recent prospective school visit, I dropped off S at the MTG store on Friday evening. He obviously knew no one, but spent 5 hours playing there. Gave me time to explore the town.</p>
<p>Does your son go to USF?</p>
<p>FIT???</p>
<p>Haystack
I just discovered that he found the MTG info on his own. He has been in touch with other MTG players. Ha! Is that good or bad? We’ll see how it unfolds.</p>
<p>Seems like a good thing to me. The MTG Friday Night events in my college town are packed with students and faculty.</p>
<p>OP, </p>
<p>Sometimes when a student is studying in his room, other students interpret that as he needs some isolation to get work done, and are not going to “bother” him to join in on some activity.</p>
<p>Encourage your son to do some of his work in public spaces. For example, do some reading in the floor lounge, or problem sets at the local coffee spot, or in the more social areas of the library etc. It’s easy to look up and strike up a conversation.</p>
<p>Are any study groups forming for any of his classes or discussion sections? Any departmental/professional interest clubs holding meetings?</p>
<p>I would add my two cents to the above, urging him to do his work in the floor lounge/library, as well as joining the study groups/professional/departmental clubs.</p>
<p>What really makes me sit up and wonder is the OP’s sentence in post #68 - Last night our son sent him a text asking that he return to school at a reasonable hour. Good news- his roommate showed up at 11 PM, instead of 1 am as he did last Sunday.<br>
Wow! That’s a bit more control of a rommate than should be.</p>
<p>Hello mhmm
I respectfully disagree. Asking a roommate to return to the room at a reasonable hour on the night before classes is a reasonable request, at least in my world. PLUS-I’ll offer some context-This particualr roommate had voiced a complaint to us when we met him, He said during summer school this summer, his roommates would come back to the room at 3 am and that this was a problem for him. We witnessed our son responding to this, by saying he would not be doing that. </p>
<p>Also- it is just fine for roommmates to say things in a diplomatic way if there are things that need to be discussed. </p>
<p>I had roommates while in college and I did very well with them, in fact I was in their weddings and we keep in touch now, many years later. One roommmate told me to clean my laundry and get organized. We are still pals. I just communicated to her on Facebook yesterday about her triathon performance. </p>
<p>Mutual respect is always a good thing. Asking to be respected is not bad. It is good. Offering to respect others is also very important too. Learning these skills is part of life. It is a process.</p>
<p>Hello to all
I was amused by those who were addressing me as OP—I think you are labeling me-- overprotective parent (ha ha, you are funny!-)</p>
<p>Finally, finally, finally-There was a fantastic e-mail from the school just yesterday that gave a rolling calendar of events and provided detailed ways to get involved. Wahoo! I was so glad to see this. I was begining to think that the talk of student activities that they mentioned in marketing was all hype. This was my primary issue. I was worried that the only thing students did was attend parties, and while I am a social butterfly and I love parties, my son is just warming up to the idea and is somewhat reticient, somewhat cautious…</p>
<p>There really are many activities! It is so cool! Maybe this was sent before and none of us noticed it. I don’t know, just so glad we found it. </p>
<p>I’ll continue to encourage him to study in a public places, and to join study groups, to write the details down and not miss the carpool to next meeting of the professional group he joined earlier, and to talk to the people in his running club more than he has, and to see if there is a carpool to the MTG place…they are all good tips. Thanks! I am sure now that he is on a solid path. Thanks!</p>
<p>Good luck to all of you. Wishing you the very best.</p>
<p>OP: I am also concerned that your son is texting his roommate asking him to come home by a certain time. That is very controlling, and I would personally be very put off if someone I just met was doing that to me. Reputations can travel fast in dorms.</p>
<p>1am is not a late time to come home when in college, assuming the roommate is not coming in drunk after partying right? Also, why is it a problem (or a cause for suspicion) that the roommate was gone often? I hardly remember seeing my roommates in college, and between class, honors frat, part-time job I was barely there myself.</p>
<p>OP = original poster…lol</p>
<p>Finance Grad
Let’s agree to disagree.</p>
<p>Um one am isn’t late in college. It’s how they come in. But 11pm seems odd for adults to expect other adults to be home by. My daughter had soccer games that started at ten.</p>