<p>Agreed. Moreover, back when I was attending college such behaviors will prompt social censure and even ostracism. </p>
<p>A HS friend in another dorm had a roommate like that freshman year and felt taken aback as he felt it wasn’t the place for fellow undergrads…especially ones who exhibited symptoms of being overly sheltered to give him dorm curfews.* </p>
<p>What was more galling was that HS friend stayed out that late because he used to spend late evenings in the library studying and completing assignments for his 16+ credit workload at his college…and wasn’t much of a partier. </p>
<p>Even the RA of the dorm felt that roommate was being too high-handed and dictatorial and told him that imposing curfews unilaterally was a good way to alienate most undergrad/young adults…especially independent minded ones. In short, an exhibition of extremely poor social skills.</p>
<ul>
<li>One thing about growing up in '80s/early '90s NYC and attending a urban public magnet was that it forced us to be quite independent…especially considering some of us had commutes of an hour or more each way and may have ECs/after-school jobs on and off the HS grounds.</li>
</ul>
<p>Cobrat, thanks for elaborating, that was what I was getting at as well. Part of the college experience is learning how to live and deal with people who have different schedules/lives. If the student is the type that can’t handle it, it will not work out well for them.</p>
<p>What if roommate didn’t have class till noon one day and had to work till 2am? It happens…would roommate have a right tell other person to not make a sound before 11am?</p>
<p>I think the ops son would have been better off in a solo room</p>
<p>"Interestingly enough- the roommate moved his stuff in on a a Saturday but then did not return until dinner time of the following Saturday, two nights before classes started. He was AWOL for almost a week and during that time he did not reply to our son’s questions: “Where are you?” that were sent via Facebook (he did not give my son his cell phone.) We thought he might show up at any time, even in the middle of the night, since we had no idea where he was. We never did find out where he was. </p>
<p>We were in contact quite frequently with our son and we helped him with lots of issues. I am glad I pushed him to socialize and leave the room and go to events by himself… When he had no roommate, he was forced to establish other friendships. " — this is the post that actually was the red flag , before the texting the roommate post.</p>
<p>Your son is looking to the roommate to be an instant friend. However much we as parents desperately want our kids to make life long friends in college, sometimes it just doesnt happen. That aspect of college life has been way too romanticized, imo.
In terms of mutual respect – I fully agree. You absolutely must have it in life. If the roommate comes in late and is loud, plays music/computer games, talks on phone, or what have you – time to go to the RA and resolve an issue. If the roommate comes in quietly and goes to sleep - what harm is there? I would wager that by midterm time, they will both be in the library studying half the night.</p>
<p>I was out past 1 am frequently. I was a night owl, and my roommate was an early-to-bed person. It annoyed the heck out of ME when she started yawning loudly every night at 9 pm, lol! I just tried to be very quiet when I came in late.</p>
<p>Yea, my daughter and her roomate just had an agreement that when you came in at night, no matter what time to BE EXTREMELY QUIET until you can see if the other person is sleeping or not. Just be reasonably courteous. It’s not really reasonable for college age kids to be giving each other curfews. It might cause him social problems.</p>
<p>Yeah, I agree that texting to tell him what time to come in (even if they had talked about it before) is setting himself up for a problem with the roommate. Even if the roommate did not say anything, all it takes is telling that story to someone else on the hall, and it will make them think he is a jerk. Okay to tell the roommate (face to face) to be QUIET when he comes in. But texting with a “curfew” (even in a friendly way) is out of line. Your son is not his parent, and honestly does not have any say over when the other kid comes/goes/gets up/etc. Noisy arrivals/departures can be addressed, and the dreaded “hits snooze button many times” roommate definitely needs to be talked to. But telling him to get in by a certain time, no dice in a college setting.</p>
<p>He has been at school for almost a month now. I can see why you needed to maybe encourage him or give him a little shove at the start, but your posts seem a little over the top at this stage to me. He has found a club he likes, a few friends (although they are not always available), is well into his classes. Leave him alone now. I detect from your posts that maybe you are an extrovert and he is an introvert. Let him figure this out on his own from here on… no one needs their mom running their social life (even if they haven’t got one) after the first few weeks of college. I have extroverted parents who LOVE a party, and would have loved to dictate my social life at college. I am more introverted. Thankfully they did not try to do this! I found my own group in my own time. Just let him be now.</p>
<p>My son and his roommate are friends. Also my son has made some other friends. It is good now and it will only get better. It is a fantastic opportunity! Thanks for everything. Please, no more posts. Again, thanks for everything.</p>
<p>I got things wrong about what was going on. Lots of things were wrong. Really wrong.</p>
<p>Maybe that’s what happens when you don’t see your kiddo for a while, I guess, and phone conversations are brief? It also is what happens when you are a flawed individual- and yes, I have many flaws. It reminds me of this quote: “I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” </p>
<p>Once we skyped and I had more communications -I realized all was well- very well, in fact- and I was just being a complete worry wart. </p>
<p>Now I want this whole thread deleted, but this site does not allow deletions. Please don’t follow this thread anymore and please do not comment on it. Thanks so much for respecting my wishes. Take care and farewell.</p>