Just got a text from my daughter (college freshman) saying she’s a little stressed out because her roommate is asking her to do a lot of cleaning and chores, including:
making her bed every day
straightening up everything every day
do a "deep cleaning" weekly of windows, mirrors, sink (they have a sink in their room), medicine cabinet, desks
vacuum once a week
wash sheets once a week
My daughter, frankly, is kind of a slob. At home she never made her bed, and her clothes pretty much lived in the laundry basket (as in, she washed her clothes, got them out of the dryer into her laundry basket, and used them out of the laundry basket for the week). Floor not entirely covered with stuff, but certainly not pristine.
I also said she could compromise by agreeing to make her bed every day, because she can just fling the comforter over the bed even if there’s stuff underneath. (There won’t be food or anything gross – she’s a slob but she’s not a pig. She doesn’t even like to throw out food in the bedroom garbage can – on move-in day she went down the hall to the dorm kitchen to throw out the remains of a plum she was eating.)
I also told her that she may need to ask the RA to step in and mediate between her and roommate. She said she’s going to try to handle it on her own. She was not nearly as judgmental of her roommate as I am – she said “it just threw me because it’s just so foreign to me.” Haha.
There could be worse roommates! I think your daughter has the right attitude, to at least make her bed. How long would it take to vacuum, windex the mirror and windows, wipe out the sink? I’m sure the roommate will do most of it.
My DD’s roommate was all about rules in the first week. No boys in the room (at all!), no noise etc. Roommate was the first to bring a boy in, late! My daughter is very easy going so just agreed to everything and then did what she wanted.
I’m sorry but I don’t agree with you. Your daughter is not in a single. She is sharing a space. I don’t think the roommate requests are nuts. You say your daughter is a slob. It sounds like the roommate wants her room to be a bit tidier than what your daughter is used to doing. I don’t think it’s nuts at all to clean the room once a week. To be honest, it will be squalor very quickly if they don’t keep up with it.
If the two roommates share the tasks, it will go more quickly. And a dirty sink…not cleaned weekly…yuck. Get them a box of Lysol wipes so they can wipe it out every day.
I’m with the roommate…I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a shared room to be kept clean…on both sides…with both roommates helping in the chores…
Your daughter says she can handle it…so let her. It is very possible that the roommates will come to a reasonable compromise. Let them deal with it.
I don’t think picking up once a week and running the vacuum around would kill anyone, and if she can just pull up the comforter to call the bed made that’s a good gesture. The rest - well that’s the roommate’s problem.
Yeah, but they’ve only been there 3 days! This is not a case of the roommate trying to live with a slob and finally asking her to mend her ways. This is someone laying down the law right from the beginning.
My D is a very sweet person who is anxious to accommodate everyone. I know she will do her best to make her roommate feel comfortable.
Kudos to your D for wanting to work through this herself.
Many schools have freshman roommates write up a roommate contract, laying out expectations about cleaning, guests, noise, and so forth. If your D’s dorm didn’t do this as part of move-in, your D could google for examples and then use that as a way of leading into the discussion and agreement with her roomie.
The roommate’s preferences may be indicative of her home environment, but it’s possibly health related (e.g. dust sensitivity).
If it’s not health related, then negotiation is the key. If there’s going to be more mess than the roomie likes, which things is she willing to let go? If there has to be some joint cleaning, how would that work? I can imagine, for instance, that your D’s bed/sheets/desk are her affair, but everyone has to take turns wiping up the sink. I give you exhibit A, the bathroom that D1 and D2 shared. One was constantly haranguing the other to clean up hair and toothpaste drips.
Good luck to her–good idea to use the RA only as a last resort.
(and man oh man but it was hot in Claremont yesterday!!!)
Also, I would have a very different reaction if the roommate just asked for an agreement that they would wipe out the sink and run the vacuum every weekend. The “deep cleaning” of the windows, mirrors and desks is what sounded crazy to me.
Also, the demand that D wash her sheets every week! What the heck is that about?
Hoo, boy. Washing the windows weekly? That is obsessive. I’d be good with daily bed making, weekly vacuum, and weekly cleaning of the sink & mirror. And you have to pick up your junk to vacuum. But frequency of sheet washing, daily “straightening”, and how your kid keeps her desk are not the roomate’s deal. And I’d tell her that if I were your kid. Living with a 50s housewife – ugh.
I think it is fine to talk about things like vacuuming and whatnot. But if someone told me to make my bed once a week, I’d look at them like they have two heads. My bed is not common space. If it smelled or something, sure we could talk about it. Other than that, the comforter position shouldn’t make a difference.
The problem, IMO, is the roommate coming in and demanding these things- if that’s how it is happening. If you want something done, do it. shrug
making her bed every day <<< none of roomie’s business
straightening up everything every day << none of roomie's business
do a "deep cleaning" weekly of windows, <<< silly
mirrors, sink (they have a sink in their room), medicine cabinet, desks <<< reasonable…mirrors get splashes, and sinks get gross with toothpaste and hair. Medicine cab???
vacuum once a week << reasonable if they take turns
wash sheets once a week <<< reasonable but none of the roomie's business...make it easier by having a spare set.
I hate to make my bed. But I absolutely made my bed every single day when I lived in a shared dorm setting. It’s piggish not to. It’s also piggish to leave stuff on the floor. Dusty pig, your screen name is rather ironic.
Can’t even imagine where they are going to find a vacuum in a college dorm. Just dropped D about a week ago and a vacuum was not among the things we packed.
@dustypig so the apple does not fall far from the tree?
Are there any rules your daughter would like to lay down in return for agreeing to these? That would help balance the power and control issue from the start.
I think it is not fair if one roommate wants things neat and tidy and the other wants piles of clothes around the room, and then for people to say “Oh, everyone should just do what she wants to” because then the slob wins. These rooms are small, there is no way the neat roommate should have to look at a pile of laundry 24/7/365. She can’t keep her eyes only on her neatly made bed.
I had a roommate in college who, I swear, jumped out of bed and made it. I wanted to be neater to make her happy, and she was okay with my using the bathroom before I made my bed. She never said one thing about making my bed, but I know she wanted it done (and it was a suite, so we had another room to study in and were rarely ever in our bedroom, but she wanted it clean). She was very good at sharing things (stereo, albums, food) but she was particular about it and how you took care of her stuff. She made me a better roommate, a cleaner roommate, by having her little rules. Yes, I learned to hang up my stuff, to clean up after cooking, to not leave stuff all over the room (and later we shared an apartment, that was pretty clean too).
Your daughter will do fine. The neat roommate will become a little less picky and your daughter will work at making her side of the room a little (lot?) cleaner.
