Hey Everyone,
This is my first time using cc so please tell me if I’m doing this right or wrong in any way lol. So I was wondering if college board or any else has released a sample essay. I have seen many essay questions and passages along with guidelines on what to do, but haven’t come across a ‘perfect’ essay example. It would be wonderful to have an example so I have a standard to aim for. Does anyone have any suggestions on where to look? Thanks in advanced.
Sample Essay from College Board that “received” a 12:
I cannot help but believe, despite my slight ambivalence over the issue of privacy, that the trends which now-a-days indicate a slight reluctance on part of people to keep some things private, are dangerous. Shows like “Jerry Springer” in the USA tend to reveal information that is inherently dangerous for young children, and thus should be kept private.
A problem with capitalism that I have become cognizant of, through my observations, is that if some activity can help amass profits, it is widely employed. This almost insane drive to attain profit maximization not only ignores external and societal costs, but is setting dangerous cultural precedents. Since lurid, sensationalist confessions by ‘average’ people are quite appealing to the general television viewer, it is unsurprising that myriad shows have propped up on television, which pander to these very wants by exposing stories and information which is better kept dissembled.
In this context, the show ‘Jerry Springer’ epitomizes my argument. In this show, an array of family problems are presented to an audience, not for information dissemination, but for ‘entertainment’; In this case, which means—and I think this is quite obvious—nothing but mockery and amusement over the antics of people who choose to expose their problems. These ‘personal predicaments’ range from some less disturbing ones, such as people cheating on their friends or marital partners, to extremely grave ones, such as people sleeping with their relatives.
I am not someone who would like to contravene principles like freedom of expression, or freedom of choice. But democracy as a system doesnot herald absolute freedom for its own sake; rather, it champions the cause of ‘live and let live’. The latter principal is surely being violated by people who choose to expose such stories—for no plausible reasons I can conjure, since no family problem has actually been solved by such shows—to impressionable young children; for TV ratings and parental supervision do not always work.
Am I exaggerating? Is it not harmful or psychologically detrimental when a child is exposed to such ideas? You be the judge.
Score Explanation:
This essay demonstrates clear and consistent mastery, effectively and insightfully developing a point of view on the issue (“the trends which now-a-days indicate a slight reluctance on part of people to keep some things private, are dangerous”) with clearly appropriate reasons and examples. The essay displays outstanding critical thinking in linking the “harmful or psychologically detrimental” behavior publicized on the “Jerry Springer” television show with capitalism’s “almost insane drive to attain profit maximization.” The essay is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating smooth progression of ideas (“I am not someone who would like to contravene principles like freedom of expression, or freedom of choice. But democracy as a system doesnot herald absolute freedom for its own sake; rather, it champions the cause of ‘live and let live’. The latter principal is surely being violated by people who choose to expose such stories—for no plausible reasons I can conjure, since no family problem has actually been solved by such shows—to impressionable young children”). The essay also exhibits skillful use of language, featuring precision and variety in vocabulary and sentence structure. This outstanding essay receives the top score of 6.