<p>Oh, wow! I didn’t expect so much response to quickly. You guys are just wonderful! I truly appreciate all of your kind words of encouragement and empathy. I will go and try to find that post someone mentioned. </p>
<p>Yesterday, at the Orientation, one of the speakers, I think from the Counselor/Therapist Office, said “Just wait until it is one of those days when it is time for them to return back to school after a visit and they are in the driveway, trying to say goodbye to you and it is taking far longer than they anticipated ~ And they finally pull away from your hug and say ‘Mom, please, I’ve really got to get HOME now’ and the HOME they are referring to it not YOUR home…” I literally gasped when she said that! And my eyes just filled with tears that I managed to choke down. But I heard some other choking in that auditorium as well.</p>
<p>I did make it a point to tell him, on that drive home last night, that he should not misinterpret any sadness or anxiety that he sense that I feel as my being afraid that he isn’t prepared or afraid that he won’t succeed at his school. I told him that I’ve really and truly enjoyed being his Mom and I’m just sort of sad that this part of my life, a part that has been almost 1/3 of my entire lifetime, is going to be changing so much. I told him that not only do I love him, but I really like him and the man he continues to become and I will miss just having him around. And I assured him that I’ll be fine once I get used to it some. </p>
<p>He’s outside doing pullups…there were a LOT of beautiful girls at Orientation and the male to female ratio at his school is 1 to 4…lol.</p>
<p>Your conversation with him was perfect. Here’s something that I did that you might like. I tucked a letter away for each of my children to find when they were unpacking their stuff. It’s a great time to tell them everything you want them to know because they are vulnerable and they will listen. It was a special letter from mom and they all really appreciated it.</p>
<p>My oldest leaves two months from today. He’ll be 2,100 miles away. At least he’ll be in my hometown, with my parents and sister’s family close by - my dad is still a professor at the university. But I will miss him terribly. I’m trying not to think about it too much!</p>
<p>“I did make it a point to tell him, on that drive home last night, that he should not misinterpret any sadness or anxiety that he sense that I feel as my being afraid that he isn’t prepared or afraid that he won’t succeed at his school. I told him that I’ve really and truly enjoyed being his Mom…”</p>
<p>What a wonderful statement! Focus more on this with your son, than on the 2nd part of the paragraph. Not that you should in any way deny your sadness, but…if you dwell on it, it just might make him a little worried to know that you’re so sad…</p>
<p>I cry at Hallmark commercials, sad movies, graduations, when they leave, when they come home etc. So, my kids are used to it. Now, they seem disappointed when I don’t cry!!!</p>
<p>My older child graduated college, moved to Atlanta, (we live on LI) and is now back to go to law school in Manhattan and moving into an apartment on Central Park West and 87th street as small as a shoebox. </p>
<p>DS is going into his senior year of college and elected to spend the entire summer in the Berkshires doing a paid research project on Seneca for one of his professors. He was only home for two weeks.</p>
<p>DD was home for three weeks and moves into her apartment on Sunday.</p>
<p>I still get teary, and they’re doing great.</p>
<p>I am fine until they come home and then leave again. The wound reopens, but it closes again.</p>
<p>On the other hand, DS just called to wish me happy Bloomsday (from Joyce’s Ulysses.)</p>
<p>Your expressed this so beautifully. Hey, ours is a sr this yr–and I know we will be were you are in a year–we have a second one at home…</p>
<p>I think the grieving is because it is the end of a season…and while we are parents and are supposed to equip and ready them to be launched: healthy, confident and ready for more independence…that passing of the season (the end/death of a season) is very very real.</p>
<p>THANK YOU for sharing…you are not alone in the grieving.
I am encouraged to read that its a real transition and that I am not alone in knowing the truth that it is approaching…and you expressed it so well.</p>
<p>Hi all,
I’m new to posting (but not to reading CC!)–just wanted to say I’ve teared up 3 times reading this thread…I look forward to lots of empathy and support in the next year!</p>
<p>I’m right there with you all. I have one more (precious) year with D, but then, she will be off doing what I really do want her to do: exploring the world, finding her place in it, and becoming an independent adult. </p>
<p>And there has been no greater joy in my life…ever…than in being her mother. Watching her leave will just break my heart.</p>
<p>I hope you are all still here a year from now, because I can promise you I’m gonna be a train-wreck. It won’t be pretty.</p>
<p>Oh yes, I relate. In fact, before I sat down to read a few posts, I happened to make a list of the activities that are now “closing” for me now that DS3 graduates. Scouts (Merit Badge Counselor and Committee Meeting Scribe) and HS volunteer are my two main ‘jobs’ that I stop. But I’m not quite ready! I hate all these “last” parties that have filled my calendar this month.</p>
<p>Fortunately I’m not kicked off CC, but our school websites are closed to me. Sigh.</p>
<p>I do want to compliment your message, especially:
See, I think the mom/son relationship is truly different from the mom/daughter and that’s what you were noticing. Girls are so much better about keeping in touch and reaching out to their moms. But boys forget to do that. So I make a point to regularly call my boys. They always have a phone!!</p>
<p>OP - just want you to know that I understand what you are feeling and it will get easier. In my experience - the weeks before dropping S1 of at college last August were the worst. I was very emotional - finally watched "Marley and Me’ and had a good cry. I thought I would cry the whole way home from NC after dropping him off - but it wasn’t like that. Once we were en route home - I really felt ok. I knew he was at a great school and that he was going to be fine. I think like many major life changing events - the anticipation is worse than the actual event. </p>
<p>In some ways - we had more contact while he was away at school. Junior and senior years of hs - he was busy and stressed. Our conversations were brief at best. But away at college - he didn’t call often - maybe once a week - but those conversations generally lasted 30 minutes or more and he often told me more than I expected to hear about his classes, friends, activities, etc. </p>
<p>My final point - it goes by so fast. I can’t believe his freshman year is already over and done - it really sped by. Before I know it - he’ll be returning to school for sophomore year. And this time, I’m not sad, I’m not apprehensive at all. Because I know he’ll be fine and I know I’ll be fine too.</p>
<p>texasmom…i guess u figured out that u aren’t alone! i am going thru this with you. unlike u, however, i would describe my relationship with my one and only (going off to college this fall…8-hour drive away…somebody help me…lol) as close. i was verrrry young when i had him, so we learned a lot and went thru a lot together. your comments about the daily presence got to me. i’m gonna MISS my boy!!! but i’m so happy and proud of him, that the joy outweighs pretty much everything else (well, almost). i’m excited for him. rather than seeing this as a time filled with sorrow, it helps (me) to think of it as a new adventure we’ll be embarking on together. </p>
<p>Calimamai, I too have a close relationship with my son. We went through so much together… It broke my heart when he went to school. I came home, sat on his bed, and sobbed as my husband held my hand. You know, it was alright though. He called fairly often and shared a lot of exciting news with me, and he texted me all the time. I had a rough few weeks. It did get better and I was alright. I have to say, he’s a senior now (1 semester left to go) and I still get a little teary when he leaves. I do miss him, but my he has grown into a fine young man.</p>
<p>You’re welcome. I’m getting ready to drive my youngest to school this fall… I’m going to lose it for sure! It never gets any easier (I have three kids) and he too is going 8 hours away… At least I know it will be okay eventually and that sound you hear… That’s my husband and I jumping for joy in our empty nest. I can’t wait to spend more time with the love of my life… :-)</p>
<p>I keep coming back to read this thread to day and every time I start to tear up…I am going to have to get a grip It is so comforting to know that we are not alone! Hugs to everyone!!</p>
<p>Wow, this thread has opened the waterworks for me. I’ve been doing fine for weeks, but today, as we booked hotel rooms for move-in day and I was looking over the parent schedule and saw that we would have to miss the “required” parent orientation because our flight out, while the latest we could get, is too early – well, I got sad. And now, reading all these stories, boy, I’m really a goner. But I know the ebbs and flows are natural. I just have to ride it out. You will, too, OP. (((HUGS)))</p>
<p>The best comment I ever heard concerning parental dismay over child leaving for school was told by the father to me. He overheard his wife in the kitchen saying over and over, “He’s not dead, he’s just away at college.” Whatever works.</p>
<p>TexasMom…My (only) son started his freshman yr. in college last September. It was so hard to say good-bye at the car; he was beginning his new life, and I knew I had to let him go. I did cry. Then as we pulled away, I saw him running to his dorm room. Running. He was happy to begin his new life. I had to control myself to not call him the first week; I waited for him to call me. It was especially hard for me, as I am a single mom; although his dad picked him up from college this summer, etc. Now…it is almost a yr. later; he came home for one night with his roommate and then the next day they flew off together to roommates family (out of state). It was a whirlwind as they unloaded then packed again. When my son left initially, the quiet was deafening. But…he comes home at breaks and it is a never ending parade of friends and music jams. You will get used to it. It is harder for us to let go than them.</p>
It is so comforting to know that we are not alone! Hugs to everyone!!</p>