<p>This has been a weepy day for me and this thread has not made it any easier! I wrote D a note for hear lunch today as this will be the last time I pack a lunch for her. I have always written her a note on the first day of school for her lunch and on the last day she takes a lunch. She texted me today at lunchtime and said how much she loves me and thanks for all that I do for her.</p>
<p>In just over two months I will take her to school all the way on the other side of the country in the city she has wanted to live in all of her life. She will not be coming home until Christmas break as Thanksgiving break is too short for her to travel so far. My H and I are thinking of making a trip with D2 over Thanksgiving to surprise D1 possibly if it works out.</p>
<p>I just keep telling myself that this is all a part of life and that we have prepared her to have a great life at college away from us. It doesn’t stop the waterworks though!</p>
<p>Oh god, showmom858… This one got to me, really got to me. I did that too. I can remember those notes. Okay, I’m going to go walk the dog so I won’t cry! Hugs to you. Hang in there.</p>
<p>My heart was already heavy with realizing son might not live with me after graduation next spring. I was fine all year while he was in the dorm, this just hit me now that he’s back for summer break.</p>
<p>Well, here’s at least one positive point. My friend told me that she and her son’s relationship actually grew a bit closer after he left for college. They mature a lot between the time they leave and the time they come home for Christmas and some may even realize that thier parents do know some things! She said that when he comes home, they do spend a bit more quality time together.</p>
<p>God, I had to stop reading this thread half-way because I’m in school and I’m tearing up too much in front of my classmates. I’m still a rising senior and I’m already crying, I KNOW I’ll cry buckets and buckets when it’s time for me to leave. Actually, I am not even sure if I should leave or not, any advice? I’m an international so I’m going to be a 16hour flight from home if I got to the US, I’m not sure whether I should go or not. My mom and I are extremely close, we’ve been through a lot together, she’s my mom, friend everything. And I know she’s going to be very upset when I leave, she’s an Indian parent and we’re more attached in Indian families. She also doesn’t work and I’m afraid she’ll be really isolated after I leave. I don’t want her to go into depression. I can get a good education where I am so I don’t know what to do. :(</p>
<p>It took me a while to even go in their bedrooms after they left and then it took me even longer to leave their bedrooms. I remember sitting on their beds and crying. The sight of empty rooms and empty draws was awful. I did that with each kid that left, and four left in three years. </p>
<p>What you are feeling is so normal but it will get easier as time passes. They come home more often than you realize, and summer breaks are pretty long. Hugs to you!</p>
<p>Smellyharbour, if you don’t want to go because YOU don’t want to go, then don’t. But if you aren’t going because you are worried about your mom, then force yourself to go. Your mom would want you to follow your dreams. She wouldn’t want to hold you back. However, 16 hours is a long ways away. If you can get a good education where you are and you are happy with that, then stay. Basically, do what YOU want to do. Good luck and don’t cry… Your life it just beginning. The world awaits you. Go forth and create a beautiful future. :-)</p>
<p>I was enthusiastic about the college search, excited about the whole process - checking out the schools, the discussions, the essays, all the possibilities. Then he was accepted. I was ecstatic…until shortly after, when it hit me like a load of bricks. S was just about grown, ready to head out on his own. It seems like just the other day that he was a cute toddler I was chasing after though the playground. And I was bereft.</p>
<p>I’ve bounced back, mostly. Excited about his orientation, planning for what he needs to get started. High School graduation was tough for a few minutes. Again, the sense of loss.</p>
<p>I think I’ll probably have trouble again when it’s time to drop him off.</p>
<p>I suppose I try to hold on to the things in my life that are not changing, for emotional balance.</p>
<p>If you find you are obsessing too much or for too long,and can’t get rid of the negative thoughts, consider seeing a therapist. What you describe are some of the symptoms of clinical depression. I would venture to say that what you are experiencing is a transitory adjustment episode, but if it lingers, you may need medical help to get you through your feelings.</p>
<p>It goes both ways, too. My D1 was born looking outward; we had to reconstruct our “snuggly sack” so she could look out, not in. She ran to day care, ran to preschool, ran … to college. Always with a smile on her face, just so excited about the world.</p>
<p>She’s a rising college senior, just came back from a semester abroad, and after 3 weeks is back at her college 1000 miles away, for a summer internship. I am so glad she isn’t here this summer - last summer was hard for her, trying to re-enter the family. We love seeing her come … and seeing her go. It’s been a way of life for her and felt right for all of us.</p>
<p>But I sense that being away this summer is hard for her. She’s out of sorts, partly because her BF is here, and they’ve been doing this long distance for 3 years now. But I’m noticing that she’s having to digest fully the fact that she is done living here, and should be. I’m sad, and I do much of what martina says above … but I think this time it’s my D who is having a rough time and kind of wishes she could crawl back in with us.</p>
<p>I agree, too, that this new friendship I have with the “grown-up” person she has become is very fun. But it is sad thinking about the time ahead when coming here will just be a “vacation” from her real life.</p>
<p>Thanks for starting this thread so we can talk about this.</p>
<p>^^ I dunno, I’m really excited about going and I think it would be a good opportunity. To be honest, the one university I kind of like here is very competitive and I actually don’t like it that much. I much prefer the US style of education because I don’t know what my major is going to be yet. The thing is, my parents have a lot of hopes pinned on me. They think I’m really smart but they haven’t seen CC kids! They think I’m going to get into a really good college but I’m unsure. But my mom literlly only has me, and some people (tiny minority) in my family are giving me lots of reasons as to why I shouldn’t go. They think that (among other things) going away will affect my family badly. I understand what they say but selfishly, I think going abroad will do me good. Let’s see how this year pans out.</p>
<p>I am the wife here;
I feel the same way but you articulated it well when you said the day to day living, hearing his voice, sharing some happenings in the day…some one Else will feed him do things with him…you will miss him.
I find myself with confused emotions, happy for his excitement, at the same time with that knot in my throat, the feeling my mom and i felt hen we said our good byes and i was leaving my parents for college…bottom line you will miss your S and it hurts. The answer may be distraction, may be a creative way to communicate regularly using technology. My S will be far. One thing I will be doing is praying for him regularly. If you have a good idea please share it, good luck.</p>
I think everybody’s different in that regard. I still vividly remember (and so does my Mom) how she cried HARD the whole way home after dropping my older sister at Michigan State (250 miles from home). This was a woman who never cried. Never. In my 16 years (at that time) I had seen her cry exactly once and it was when her father died. Even then, she was very subdued. This was so different, my Father was beside himself. He just didn’t know what to do. Pulled off the road three times and tried to help her, but she was literally beside herself.</p>
<p>To this day, we sometimes talk about it, and her sad refrain is, “I just
never saw it coming.”</p>
<p>EmmyBet - My D is exactly like your D in that she never looked back at me as I stood at the window of her kindergarten class and has always been focused on her plan and moving forward. She is one of the most mature 18 year olds you will ever meet so I don’t worry about her living in NYC. She is a determined young lady who has worked very hard to get where she wants to be and I am excited to watch her college journey even though there will be tears in my eyes.</p>
<p>Great thread. Two months from now I’d like to read how the first-timers handle the drop-off. I’m one of them and honestly can’t tell how it will go* for me/us. :o</p>
<p>*Public heaving sobs or gentle eye leaks running down my cheeks or something in the middle. :(</p>
<p>Hi Texasmom- Even though you are happy and excited for your child there is still a loss. It is “the end of an era”. Last year when D left,I realized that in all likelihood she will never live at home with us full-time again. And although she loves school and is doing very well there and I know that is where she needs to be right now, I still miss her a lot. Like you, I have a younger child at home, so no empty nest just yet, but the dynamic is different. I can relate.</p>
<p>songbird, that reminds my of watching my dad send my much-older brother to technical school a couple of states away. I don’t even remember my mom being there, but I remember my brother pulling out of the driveway and my dad coming in and just putting his head on the table with his arms crossed over his head. I left at that point.</p>
<p>Last year my husband and I and son flew out for orientation and move in. After the final visit together, my husband and I planned a nice dinner out. I clearly (well somewhat) remember saying goodbye to my son - going into the car - starting to cry and telling my husband I just couldn’t go out. We went back to the hotel and I just got into bed. I was an emotional mess. My husband, of course, proceeded to the nice restaurant without me. He said it was fantastic - LOL!!!</p>
<p>So glad I’m not sitting at the office reading these posts. Quite embarassing to be crying while working.</p>
<p>CC has such lovely people.</p>
<p>We will be dropping off S NEXT year so this is still quite relevant. I like to be prepared, so keep the advice coming.</p>
<p>We did drop him off at a 6 week program last weekend. Gotten very few texts, no phone calls which means all is going well. No tears when we left. But it is only for 6 weeks…</p>
<p>I’m thinking about all of you who are dealing with taking your kids off to school. There are a lot of us who would love to listen if you need to vent. All the best to all of you !</p>