New to Forum..sending my first off soon, too soon for Mom

Parents Forum
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<p>^^LOL Men are so pragmatic. Why waste a reservation at a nice restaurant? </p>

<p>I’m about to let go of child #4, and I think it gets a little easier with each one…but it’s still hard. Boys don’t write or call (mine don’t) and aren’t very good at sharing, in any case. At least child #1, my D, would call & tell me what she was doing, ask for cooking advice, and so forth.</p>

<p>Last child is going to school in town (but still living in the dorm) so that will make it easier. And I’m tired of 3-4 hour car rides to visit/fetch these kids anyway! And I have to remind myself I’m also tired of making lunches, getting up with him for the bus that came at 6:25…so there are some good things coming. ;)</p>

<p>He did such a thorough job of washing the dishes last night while I was out…I was amazed and pleased. You have to understand, this kid has trouble with coat hangers!</p>

<p>A similar feeling… I remember crying a little when they each went off to the first day of nursery school or kindergarten. While I was happy for them, I wondered what they were doing each minute and I sort of felt like my job was ending. Or being downsized, at least.</p>

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<p>My kids say I will melt into a puddle of tears when I see Toy Story 3. We’re supposed to see it tomorrow at the IMAX in NYC. Thank goodness for the 3-D glasses.</p>

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<p>lesliehr - Oh yes, you will cry at Toy Story 3!</p>

<p>My S has attended boarding school throughout high school and I always tell him there is something about the airport near his school that makes me cry. He said he heard there is the same “thing in the air” in the airport near his college.</p>

<p>I was prepared to cry when I dropped him off but I was not prepared to cry when I left him again the first parent’s weekend… when he left after the first Christmas break… or, heck, even when I left after visiting him in his senior year!</p>

<p>I hope, will all those teary farewell’s during HS, I will be the only dry-eyed mom leaving the dorm this fall :slight_smile:
We’ll see…</p>

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<p>I had a very difficult time the entire first year my D was gone. She and I are very close and it was hard on her which made the separation even worse for me. She has now graduated from college, but is here for one last summer. I expect when she leaves in the fall that it will be the last time. That realization is frightening for me.</p>

<p>My S will head off to college in August and I don’t expect it to be such a shock to me, having been through it all four years ago. But I’m trying to look at the situation in a good light because what else can I do? I can’t change things – a big part of my life is over. I have been a very lucky stay-at-home mom, and raising my kids has been my career (one I think I have done fairly well). But my job is ending, and I feel at a loss as to what direction I should go now. I’m trying to look on the bright side, and think about all the travel I would like to do, but I know the empty nest will be hard to deal with for a while.</p>

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<p>OP - we only have one child and when he left for college 2 years ago, we became empty nesters overnight! The book, letting Go, was useful. I recall walking about the house and looking at objets in rooms or in the garage and thinking, this house, this place, this stuff is no longer where/what he calls home! Very sad. Winter quarter was the worst of it. Spring break counldn’t come fast enough and then the last quarter zipped by. he worked at home last summer and this year he has been much more communicative in his calls, emails and texts. His second year has flown by and I seemed not to have the time to be depressed. He is working away from home this summer and in september goes to Vienna for 10 weeks. We’ll have 3 weeks together in december and soon thereafter, he would have finished his third year. One advantage of getting older is that time passes so quickly. One downside to getting older is that time passes too quickly! It does truly get better. then they may “disappear” for awhile after college but hopefully they’ll alwayd be nearby thereafter. Good luck.</p>

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<p>I often console myself with the idea that I, as a parent, have to grow up too. I have to grow up, and out, of my role as protector, seer, doer, and back-stop for the child leaving the nest. I must morph to a space behind the looking glass to watch and applaud rather than live with and protect. </p>

<p>My youngest, at the tender age of 4, said that life must be hard for Moms, because the kids get to live their lives, and the Moms, well, they just watch, more so with each passing day in the life of the child…</p>

<p>And so it begins, the process of leave taking, for my DS2, who also will be a senior in the fall. </p>

<p>To the OP, the sentiments of parents everywhere are much the same as your own. Our touchpoints - the ages and stages that seem most painful - differ but the path is much the same rocky journey.</p>

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<p>I have marked most of the “end of an era” moments in my life with tears. However, I consciously put a dam on the waterworks in front of my oldest when he was starting his freshman year.</p>

<p>He was happy and excited to head off to college, and I was happy and excited enough for him that I wanted to make sure his joy was not dampened by concerns about his blubbering parents and how we would handle this new chapter in all of our lives. I also wanted him to know we were confident that he had made a good decision and was going to do great at his school. So we smiled and he smiled – and things went fine. He called and texted often (and still does, two years later), and I actually have loved having him tell us excitedly about the cool things he is doing, or ask our advice about something he is considering. In many ways, our relationship has become closer since he went to college because our conversations don’t mainly center around the dishes he left by the couch, or what time he is going to be home, or when he can mow the lawn.</p>

<p>We were at college orientation for our second child recently (two years after our first), and a parent who spoke as part of a panel mentioned that she was a wreck when her oldest son went off to college, and also cried every time he went back to school after being home for a weekend or a break. After a while, she noticed that he hadn’t been home for a while, and mentioned it when she talked to him. “Yeah, Mom, it’s just too hard on you,” he told her. She said she immediately decided she needed to buck up – and she did.</p>

<p>All our lives we parents have done stuff we never thought we could do – simply because we love our kids; this includes suffering druglessly through labor and delivery, changing nasty diapers, cleaning up vomit, sitting through painful piano recitals, resisting the urge to punch a kid or teacher who hurt our kid’s feelings, etc.</p>

<p>This is another little sacrifice you make for your kids: you smile, tell them how excited you are for them, and then listen happily and with encouragement to their reports of life on campus. That’s not to say you are not allowed to shed a tear or tell the kid you are going to miss him/her. But as a parent, you want to make sure they are not starting this new era in their lives plagued with worries about how their parents are handling it.</p>

<p>You are going to be OK, TexasMomto2, and so is your kid! Think about how you wanted your own parents to handle it when you headed off to college, and do that for your son.</p>

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<p>It has taken days to get through this thread because I kept losing it at work when I was reading!</p>

<p>I think I am going to avoid Toy Story 3 until after Sept. 10th – DH will be in Australia for work, S1 will be in Budapest for a study abroad, and S2 will be finishing his first full week of college. It will be time for a good pity party where I can let it all out without inflicting it on everyone else – and then I will start the next chapter of my life!</p>