<p>I am a newbie to the forum. I thought I was out of the woods on educational issues when my daughter graduated from college and got a dream job (State Department). However, my stepson has become a real focus for my husband and I. </p>
<p>Short history - very very bright kid, does well on tests, craps out on homework/projects. Lives with his mom (dad shares custody) and grades have spiraled downward since 7th grade. Huge amounts of missed days, no made up homework, etc. Failed 9th grade. We began legal proceedings to get custodial custody of him before the school year ended, and we are at the final stage of hearings (dear lord this has taken forever) this month. If court grants us custody, he'll live with us full time, and we'll be putting him in school in our county before the next semester ends.</p>
<p>Guidance Request - if you were in my shoes, with a 9th grader (should be 10th) unweighted GPA of 1.21, missing 3 credits already for graduation - where would you go to get an action plan built to get him back on track for Graduation and try and make up missed time preparing him for college? Obviously, we are not naive enough to believe we can his GPA high enough to be considered for most colleges, but we have to try and find a workable plan to open as many avenues as possible for him.</p>
<p>If anyone has any recommendations, I am wide open for ideas ideas ideas. Prayers too, if you don't mind. LOL</p>
<p>No real advice here, but sending warm thoughts your way. You are taking on a challenge. I guess the key is to get the stepson to buy-in. You can’t force him to improve his work ethic unless he wants to.</p>
<p>There is some time here that he could get into a decent college. </p>
<p>Your post gave no real insight into the root cause of his poor performance in school. Addressing the root cause and getting his buy in will be the focus of any plan to get him on track.</p>
<p>From what we’ve been able to ascertain, there is no structure in the home currently. He does not have good study habits, location to study, there is no priority placed on his homework or projects. There are no resources (mother refuses to provide internet access even though we’ve provided desk top computer fully set up) and I don’t think he’s been to the library in his hometown. </p>
<p>We believe that if he has structure and focus, a priority placed on performance, some incentives to motivate, and active engagement of parents with teachers we can pull this out. I need to get an action plan in place and get my head around what I need to do (primary on this action for him) as it has been 5 yrs since I’ve had to deal with schools etc.</p>
<p>Did that help any? If not, I’ll be glad to elaborate on anything else that will help.</p>
<p>We believe in conversations with him that he’s ready to put the effort into making a better performance. He responds well to short term goals, so we just need to set those and then monitor them and celebrate his small successes to motivate him further. </p>
<p>He tells me he feels ‘sick to my stomach when I can’t turn in my homework’ so that tells me that he is definitely affected by the poor performance and I think the initial wins will drive him forward - I just need to get a plan in place - we will also be using tutors and have identified two to interview.</p>
<p>I am not sure how usefull tutors will be. He should be getting all the instruction he needs from his teachers at school. That said, we did have a tutor for my son at one point in later elementary school. She would be primarily going over his homework assignments and having him do a little extra reading (which is where he needed to improve). She did come just once a week as he had enough to do with his regular homework. He was in a public school but it was a magnet school that stressed the fundamentals.</p>
<p>I would get in touch with all of his teachers right after he starts in the school near you. Have them call or email you if any assigments are missed or are not up to standards. </p>
<p>My kid’s high school used a daily planner book that was provided to all students at the beginning of the school year. As long as it was being used, you could see what was coming up in the way of assignments and tests. Make sure he has one, either from the school or you buying him one, and make sure he uses it and you check it daily. Also, if he has no assigments, check with the teacher just to make sure he is really using it. And let him know you will be checking and religiously doing so. That way he knows he’s on the end of a very short rope and must toe the line.</p>
<p>It is going to take a lot of work on both his part and yours to turn this around. However, once he gets it turned around, it will be much easier on all parties.</p>
<p>Good luck and I hope for the best for all of you.</p>
<p>If you have the resources, I’d have him tested for learning differences. It will take too much time for the school to do it and you don’t have that time. I’m sure it is possible that he failed just because he had a negative home environment, but it sounds like he might have something else going on too. Good luck, it is wonderful that you are willing to take this boy into your home and help him succeed.</p>
<p>I think one of the first things you might want to do is get him some professional counseling. I have a friend whose daughter was going through some of what you’re describing and discovered that she was so full of anger from her parents divorce and aspects of it that she just acted out in so many different ways. Therapy has really helped her cope better and her grades have improved as a result.</p>
<p>He is very lucky to have such interested and accepting dad/stepmom who are fighting for him. Good luck.</p>
<p>We have friends whose son made a dramatic turnaround when he moved from his mother’s house to live with his dad and stepmom full time. There are some major differences–he was younger and had some learning issues–but having adults who supported his academic efforts helped him to succeed. After changing schools, he repeated a grade level and worked his way up to achieving the honor roll at his new school. Sorry that I don’t have any advice on an action plan, just encouragement that it is not too late for your stepson to succeed if he wants it.</p>
<p>^Agree with all that has been said. It’s not too late at all. He’s a freshman and presumably, will be going to a different school once proceedings approve this change. </p>
<p>I think your support will make a huge difference, but there’s something more to it. Going into this situation with your eyes wide open is critical. </p>
<p>*<em>It’s not just the lousy support he’s had at home, is it? What part is he responsible for?<br>
*</em>Think about what his peer pressure has been like and how that may have changed (for good or bad) once he had to repeat 9th grade.
**I too wonder if there’s a learning component that needs investigating, but his teachers should help you with that at first.</p>
<p>This factor alone could account for much of the problem. Kids generally don’t need internet access to do their homework in 9th grade. They usually have access at the school for projects anyway. But there’s no substitute for good attendance…it’s probably the single most important thing you can insist on.</p>
<p>You asked for ideas, and I don’t know what kind of resources you have, so I’ll give you one idea, YMMV. The best option might be to have him homeschooled with private tutors who can focus in on his academic areas of weakness and give him the self-confidence and motivation to want to learn on his own. I’d add counseling to overcome any issues, since it can’t be easy for any kid who is the subject of any custody battle, and I can tell you that from my own personal experience. If you do some online classes, including over the summer, he may be able to catch up with a documented record, and be in a position to do well in 10th grade in the fall, or if you do this for an additional year, by 11th grade at the latest.</p>
<p>Sounds like ADHD. My nephew has it … very bright kid now struggling with 9th grade, even though he’s on a drug regimen. Here’s what he’s like (for comparison):</p>
<p>Doesn’t write down homework assignments (solution: have teachers post them online). Doesn’t download the posted online assignments (solution: put internet connection in kitchen and have him download them just before dinner). Doesn’t start homework assignments (solution: have him begin homework at kitchen table after dinner). Makes “distracted” mistakes on homework (solution: scan homework for “stupid stuff”). Doesn’t put homework assignments in his school pack (solution: watch him put homework in pack). Doesn’t take pack to school (solution: put pack on table by door … and watch him put it on when leaving for school). Doesn’t hand in homework (solution: have teachers post list of missing homework).</p>
<p>If all this sounds like a lot of work … well, it is. Good luck, and keep in mind that people can overcome this and become very successful adults (as my nephew’s father did).</p>
<p>“Huge amount of missed days”
What does he do when he is not at school? Sleep? Watch TV? Hang out with friends who are also skipping school?
In my experience, many kids who are missing school for many, many days are smoking marijuana on a daily or near-daily basis. Excessive use of this drug kills motivation for some students!
I am not saying that your stepson is doing this, of course, but I am just bringing this behavior pattern to light.</p>
<p>Counseling - check
Planner - check
Testing ADHD - check
Tutoring Math - check
Skill Building/Time Management/Study Habits - check
Lots of focus and attention - check</p>
<p>Thank you so much for the wonderful ideas. Alot of what you posted was instinct for me with my daughter. We had a ‘job chart’ posted in the kitchen and the family checked off their jobs (ie responsibilities) every evening while dinner was being cooked. Computer/TV/Phone not allowed in bedrooms. Consistent homework area/time built into family schedule. If my daughter was sick, it was an immediate trip to the docs office - but for her that would have been the immediate conclusion cause she was never sick and such an over achiever I had to make sure she wasn’t over doing it. This kid has allergies (zoo maintained in home) and between the OTC meds and the allergies I doubt he can function well in school when the ‘season’ hits for him. Of course, we’ll be running an allergy panel on him the first week he’s here and getting the correct targeted meds for him. Reducing dust/animal dander will also make a huge difference. Mom just doesn’t have the skill set to get him up and out to school - I know I know - but this woman excuses his missed homework as if it is his father’s fault 2 hrs away. Seriously. We definitely know we’ve got to do some counseling as well. Both Dad and son need to go together and that is one of my “requirements” with this deal (we did a list of those when we discussed his son coming here to make sure we both understood what life would be like for us after)</p>
<p>What I am really struggling with - and this is where I desperately need some assistance. I need to make sure he’s got the right classes, right class levels, for him to make graduation. My daughter and I did that for her in 8th grade - we sat down and made a ‘living plan’ which mapped out all the classes she would take in high school, activities, interests, etc. and then used that as a ‘goal’ list for the rest of the 4 years - and we adjusted it as things changed - but it allowed us to make sure she got 4 foreign language courses (her goal) and all the advanced classes she needed. (she wanted to blow out high school so she could get the college she wanted - she only applied to one)</p>
<p>So now I am looking at the graduation requirements for NC high school students, and looking at entry requirements for some of our state universities/colleges and I am lost as a ball in high weeds.</p>
<p>Where would you guys go to get assistance in getting this ‘action plan’ worked out for him after having already failed 3 classes and currently taking his second PE course - I need to map out his courses and then identify any additional courses he might take to make up what we’ve lost.</p>
<p>Thank you guys so much for all of your supportive responses.</p>
<p>Did your daughter graduate from your local public high school? I would ask for an appt. with the guidance counselor at the high school to map out a path in advance, assuming that he will enroll there. While GCs might not always be your best bet for college advice, determining the high school path is where their expertise lies.</p>
<p>Good luck!! With your support, I have no doubt that matters will improve.</p>
<p>OP - Cut yourself some slack … it’s likely you’re going to need it. Figuring out where your stepson needs support is Job One. That’s a BIG job, considering his past performance. Your initiative to get him into college prep classes is laudable. But there appear to be many issues between where he is now … and success in college prep courses. JMHO of course. If you need verification, take report cards for the past couple of years to the GC of your local HS and get an assessment (without telling him that the kid’s really bright of course).</p>
<p>Yes, she did graduate from the school he will attend. I had not thought of contacting them in advance. As he isn’t a student there I am not confident they will talk details with me - maybe with Dad - but it is worth a try !</p>
<p>Agreed - I suspect that he’ll test into some advanced courses, but as mentioned before I am unsure if the GC will talk to us prior to registering him formally. </p>
<p>Having said that - it is worth a phone call prior to our last court date as I want to have as much in place as possible - I hate to move into crisis mode and prefer to have plans in place even if they have to be altered at the last minute.</p>
<p>I would guess that if he’s repeating the 9th grade, he will be making up the 3 failed courses from last year. He still has the full 4 years to complete graduation requirements, right?</p>