Hi everyone, so this is the situation. A few weeks ago I committed to and enrolled at Denison University (2,000 ish people, Ohio) and I’m not going to lie, it was very spontaneous. I felt like I needed to make a decision. Hindsight is really 20/20. However, after paying my deposit, I felt wary. I also got accepted to UW Madison, my state school and I started thinking about whether I would be happier there. I got really good aid and awards at Denison but it still is a few thousand more expensive than Madison (times by 4 years = a lot more expensive). I love Denison on paper but I’m just worried that because it is SO small there may be cliques, social groups, and everyone will know everyone’s business. It is also D3 and there isn’t much school spirit. Whereas, at Madison, you bleed cardinal and white and morph into Bucky every gameday. Madison is super big though too. I know I should’ve waited to make my decision and deposit, but I just felt rushed and I craved that stability of knowing exactly where I would be next year. I’m afraid that if I choose Madison, then end up hating it and wanting Denison, I wouldn’t be welcomed back or even let back in because I would burn a bridge by depositing then ditching. I just feel like I have two schools on two different ends of the spectrum and with COVID-19, I just feel so lost, confused, and alone in this process. I’d really appreciate any help, insight, perspective, comments you guys can give me to help make my decision. Thank you 
You can withdraw your Denison deposit and go with Madison, no?
You are right, these two schools are very different. It might be helpful for you to think back and remember what type of school you thought would be a good fit. You say you love Denison on paper - why? What was appealing? Maybe ask the Admissions office if they can introduce you to some current students? My son is at Denison and he loves it, but he knew right from the beginning he didn’t want to go to a big school. Denison is small, with all the pros and cons that go with that, but he has found it to be very inclusive and friendly and has formed good relationships with his professors.
You can’t withdraw your deposit- that money is gone- but you can withdraw your acceptance.
The challenge is: is this cold feet? buyer’s remorse? it’s a very normal thing to second guess a big decision, and for the negatives of the chosen one to suddenly look big, and the negatives of the not-chosen one to not seem so important! (and equally the positives of the chosen now seem ordinary and the positives of the not-chosen seem extra shiny).
@tkoparent is right: go back to the beginning. What environments do you do best in? nobody else, just you? start with the education part, not the game day part! how do you learn best? what kind of motivation and structure helps you do best with your schoolwork? @tkoparent mentioned relationships with profs- is that something that matters to you? On the social front, what is your happiest natural state? etc.
How much does the extra money matter to your family? If a parent loses a job, would Denison still be affordable?
As a parent of both a Denison student and UW alum – my first piece of advice, is . . .it’s okay, nothing here is irreversible. Breathe. Covid is upending so many lives, and we are all just trying to manage as best we can. None of this is what we expected for ourselves this spring.
Next, on your decision. As @tkoparent said, my Denison kid knew when he visited his brother at UW that that was not his vision of college – he did not want a huge campus spread over a city, with buses and high rise dorms and lecture halls with hundreds of students. On the other hand, my UW kid stepped foot on campus and literally said “this is home.” So, there is no “best” school, only a better fit for a specific student.
My Denison student visited 15+ LACs on east coast and midwest, and Denison kept rising higher and higher, even in comparison to various top 20 schools. For him, it was the “best of all possible worlds” LAC – bigger than many, at about 2300-2400 students, in a charming village but 25 minutes from the state capital, great athletics AND arts facilities, two important prongs of his life. Traditional LAC liberal arts but also a strong Computer Science department, plus Data Analytics, Financial Economics, Educational Studies, Narrative Non-Fiction, and a new Politics and Public Policy program. Career services is phenomenal and begins to work with students their first year. Close relationships with faculty and staff. The list goes on and on. Needless to say, he is heartbroken to be gone this spring of his senior year.
You mentioned Bucky and bleeding cardinal and white – my UW kid was in greek life and spent plenty of time in the KK etc. He loved game days and all that went with it. Of course, athletics at Denison is not Camp Randall – students support their roommates, friends, classmates at games/meets etc. It is personal, and open and fun, but definitely not crowded or overwhelming the way it can be in Madison. But students are still big fans and many teams are big deals, including swimming and diving which has won multiple national championships, Men’s lax is a top 10 ranked team, etc.
There are lots of ways to compare the two experiences, but when I compare graduation between the two, that seems to encapsulate it for me. For my UW kid, graduation was in Camp Randall, he and his friends came and went during the ceremony while we watched from high up seating, hoping (in vain) to figure out which row he was seated in with thousands of other L&S grads who rose as a group to be recognized. It was perfect for him and his friends, they could choose to do as little or as much as they wanted with the event itself, which was pretty much how they approached their time at UW. For my Denison kid, the tradition is intimate, building from the 1st year tradition of Induction, when 1st years process in, cheered and celebrated by the faculty who will guide and shape them over four years, and then march in again, four years later. Graduation is close and personal, with every student announced, walking across the stage, shaking President Weinberg’s hand. That is the kind of educational experience my Denison student wanted, and that is what he has had. Neither school would have been right for the other kid of mine, but each was perfect for that student.
Sorry I meant you can withdraw your acceptance (if you change your mind).
It’s normal to have cognitive dissonance, aka second thoughts.
Normally, I look closely at finances, but a few thousand each year, over the long run, is not a lot of money, even if a few thousand is $5,000/year.
The real question becomes do you want a big school or smaller one? Go with whichever one you favor as you seem to like both schools, and will likely be happy at either.
If a big school will make you feel lost, then go with Denison. (Big schools though can be narrowed down by joining a sorority, clubs, or a residential college). If a small school is cliquey and limiting, go with UW Madison (although Denison probably has enough kids to find your tribe).
Denison University will be more comfortable during your freshman year, but might become a bit too small in subsequent years.
Wisconsin might be overwhelming in your first year, but a manageable adventure thereafter.
If you value occasional anonimity, then the choice is clear. If you function well among familiar faces & in small cliques, then the choice is clear.