<p>Ha! Just wait till next summer. They will tell you they shouldn’t have any curfew. After all, they’ve been coming home whenever they wanted all year at school, and you never knew; what’s the difference?</p>
<p>There was more about curfew on one of the related threads, but here’s my experience. At the end of my senior year back in the dark ages, my curfew was lifted. My parents did a lot of not great parenting, but this was genius. Friends and I stayed out until 3 a.m. several weekends and then got bored with it. We didn’t have cell phones, remember, so no calls were expected. I think my parents went to sleep, but maybe did shifts. Anyway, after figuring out that staying out was no big deal, I didn’t need to anymore.</p>
<p>Other than our state’s driving law, my kids never had a curfew. Neither have ever needed to stay out terribly late but are required to call or text. They do okay at remembering; not great. I have enough of their friends’ numbers that they don’t want to be embarrassed by me calling them.</p>
<p>Summer '09 before S went to school was tough especially since he was one of last to go - almost a month after most friends. I’d call it ANGST-filled. We all experienced short-temperedness with each other. </p>
<p>D is a camp counselor living 5 hours away from home. H & I have two 2-week trips with her right after camp, so we’ll see how those go. One she can bail on, the other is about her. We’ll see how these go. I visited her at camp for a show this week and now am missing her more than ever. I can’t imagine what this fall is going to be like. She has two weeks before school at home after camp and these trips to get in all her snarkiness. I’ll post back then!!</p>
<p>We all have issues through out our lives, even adults have “stage” (like menopause) we need to deal with. Part of growing up and being an adult is to control impulse and not lash out at people at will. I would still expect respect and civility from my kids.</p>
<p>From my kids I’ll take one or two snarky remarks, but I put a stop to it pretty quickly. We were on a 2 weeks family vacation in June, both 22 and 17 year olds started having some attitude (too much together time). Both of them got a talk to from us, and it ended up being the best vacation ever. If we didn’t say anything, they would have continued, and it would have bothered H&I until we exploded, and that would have been worse.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your input. A lot of your posts made me chuckle. Nice to hear your stories and know we are not the only ones…:)</p>
<p>One friend, a devout mother of four, says “God knows how hard it is to let go, so there is this period when He helps you transition from ‘I never want to let them go’ to 'Let me help you pack that bag”. </p>
<p>So, here’s my secret (maybe I should change my posting name. . .). I will use my aching back (I almost always have an ache somewhere) and say “I need to lie down. Will you please do dinner?” and then I go disappear with my hot pad. Magic happens. It’s not quiet. It’s not how I would do it. But someone other than me makes dinner. </p>
<p>Important note: one must disappear to the bedroom. If you linger in the living room then you get feedback, whine and other misery. </p>
<p>Some of it is funny. “A clove of garlic? Mom, is that one piece or the whole thing? Do I have to peel it? It’s smoking. Is it supposed to do that?” I answer all from a reclining position, and, so far, no house fire.</p>
<p>S1 is a rising college sophomore so I experienced everything you are talking about last summer. Based on that experience I totally expected we’d have a tough time this summer too. But actually he has been very nice, respectful and appreciate this summer! It’s not perfect he sleeps too much and still doesn’t talk as much as I’d like him too. But all in all, I really don’t want him to go back. Last July I was ready to send him packin’!</p>
<p>I think it’s an individual characteristics and mainly moms have this nature to be more finicky about things that seems natural to dads.</p>
<p>I’m sure OP will actually miss her DD more when she will be gone to college.</p>
<p>ordinarylives – thanks for the sympathy! I was pretty annoyed. Especially since H came up at 2 am (which is when he normally goes to bed) and dramatizes the whole thing way out of proportion: “she left with some guy I’d never seen before – I called her – she didn’t come back – I don’t know where she is.”</p>
<p>So I go nuts, texting her (phone’s dead) and all her friends. She calls back from a friend’s phone, calm, sober: “I told dad I was driving a friend home and I’d be back in an hour.”</p>
<p>So he says, “I’m sure I told you she’d be back.” When he did no such thing. I don’t brag much, but I really do have an incredibly accurate memory – phone numbers, dialogue, what people said and how they said it. He did not tell me she’d be back in an hour. If anything, he went out of his way to calibrate his words for maximum anxiety production in me. Which is what he does.</p>
<p>So from now on, I’ll ignore him. I read getalifemom – that feels right for her right now. Over the weekend, D needed more running clothes. I could have handed her my credit card but I lept at the opportunity for “car time” – I read once that the only times your kids open up to you is when they don’t have to make eye contact. So I drove (slowly) and we talked about school and how it’s exciting and scary at the same time – lots of stuff. </p>
<p>Then she suggested we try a new restaurant for lunch. And we talked about curfew. She is very responsible and she’ll be 19 in September, so we agreed: she tells me where she’s going, and who she’s with; she has her phone charged and I have the cell of at least one friend she’ll be with. And I will not stay up. That’s the plan. I’ll let you know how it works out. </p>
<p>I only took Lamaze class once, when I was pregnant with D. I remember the teacher said: there are several stages of labor, but the toughest stage is transition.</p>
<p>No cookie cutter.</p>
<p>D1 - All the aforementioned hassles. She was happy to leave (for a week) and we were happy to have her go. Life was more peaceful until Thanksgiving break. Then there was Christmas and the realization that Community College was in order. Ah, the ship corrected after a semester of Community College.</p>
<p>S1 - Circumvented college altogether. Wild ride.</p>
<p>S2 - NMS - no summer job, but, exceedingly easy to live with as long as I don’t hover over HIS college pursuits too much. Every family needs ONE easy one. </p>
<p>S3 - HS class of 2014. Following in the steps of S2. More guidance this one needs, yet, the force is strong with him…</p>
<p>Sounds familiar…the S is decent some of the time but any advice or requests to do stuff around the house are met with a lot of attitude.</p>
<p>Wish that he had a job but he didn’t have any luck in the past few months…and once late June came around he just gave up. Ugh.</p>
<p>Will miss him terribly in the fall (and will worry about how he is doing for sure) but he needs this and his parents need this.</p>
<p>We have been getting the occasional lecture with Freudian tinges about our presumed anxieties now that the last birdie (she) will be flying. Her friend wants to major in Psych & I think she has been reading something. </p>
<p>I personally think her cat will be much more unsettled than we shall. I do promise to hold kitty & be company to her. Kitty has slept on DDs bed with her for 15 years.</p>
<p>My sister isn’t going to college and is still more angsty than even her worst years for teenaged angst-- and she had a goth phase! There is an element here that I think has less to do with leaving the nest and more to do with the end of high school in general, because it happens with kids that aren’t going anywhere any time soon, too. Like, “I’m not in high school anymore, so I /must/ be a grown up. NO REALLY LOOK HOW GROWN UP I AM.” I’m not behaving like a raving beast like my sister is, but I am feeling a similar sort of stress post-college so I can imagine how it must be for an 18 year old’s sensibilities.</p>
<p>In the last 24 hours I’ve been screamed at for asking what time she works today (we’re sharing a car), asking her to not blast music at 3am, asking her whether she preferred vanilla or cream cheese frosting on her homemade cinnamon bun, and for not rushing out to the store (without the car because SHE HAD IT) to buy a new lightbulb for the porch light the instant it burnt out. Am hoping this phase passes quickly!</p>
<p>@hammer 1234: Same story at my house!</p>