My first semester of college is wrapping up, and I can’t wait to go home. I feel depressed and disconnected from my school, and am constantly wondering if I would have been happier somewhere else, and I really don’t know why. I went to a medium-sized high school (about 1,250 students) and was super involved. I picked the school I did because it wasn’t as intimidating or expensive as a huge D1 school, but still a pretty good size (14,000 students) and had a program I was interested in that many other schools didn’t have. I got involved right away on campus and joined a sorority and club related to my major, went to all the sporting events I could, and made a lot of friends.
A few weeks into the school year, I found out the program for my major was shutting down at my school because it wasn’t getting enough students. I still had the opportunity to finish it out, but I felt like it wasn’t the best it could be and there were less opportunities available. I realized shortly after that the program really wasn’t what I thought it was and started becoming anxious and unhappy after not enjoying it. I constantly found myself looking up other majors and other schools. I finally decided to change my major, but I’m not sure I will love what I am changing it to. I was really passionate and excited about my first major—only to realize I hated it later—and my new one is kind of last minute back up plan. I start classes for my new program next semester so I just have to wait and find out if I like it, but even now I’m always looking up programs at other schools.
Even though my school is a pretty decent size, it’s in a very small, rural town and people don’t really care about going to sporting events or on-campus activities. A lot of people who go here have a very different background then me (like I said, it’s kind of rural and I’m from the suburbs outside a big city), and it’s hard to connect. There’s also not a whole lot to do in town. I see my friends who are at bigger D1 schools that I originally didn’t want to go to having so much fun at the football and basketball games and doing stuff downtown, and I keeping wishing I had that here. I think about transferring, but then I think about how stupid that would be considering that I’m already settled here and have friends and am involved in my sorority. I’d have to start all over somewhere else, and there’s no guarantee I’d like it. I think one of my biggest problems is that I don’t really like partying, and that’s all there really is to do here. But I know that at a bigger school, there’s a whole lot more partying (which is probably why all my friends think it’s so fun there) and without being able to join a sorority somewhere else (I’ve already been initiated) I worry I’d struggle to make friends and be miserable there as well. It’s also a lot more money to go somewhere else and I’m not sure my parents would be too thrilled about that.
I have a lot of friends at my current school and am involved, but it’s almost as if I did what I thought I was supposed to do to have a good time and it just never panned out. I wish my school had the “college atmosphere” that bigger schools have. I’m starting to realize I may have just picked my school for my major, and now that I’m not sticking with it, I’m not enjoying my school. I don’t know why I think completely switching schools would be better since I am only upset about missing out on a few aspects of college, though. I love my friends here and maybe I will enjoy college more with my new major, but I don’t feel like I’m getting the full college experience that I always envisioned and am constantly feeling depressed and anxious about it. So far, I loved high school way more than college and I know that’s not how it’s supposed to be. Any advice on what to do? And please don’t tell me to get more involved. I am really involved here already, and that’s not the problem.