<p>Hi college confidential. I have a quick few questions. I moved into my college this past Friday and have had orientation from Friday thru Monday and we had our first classes today. During our orientation we had small groups which were groups that we were normally with throughout the whole orientation. I was very friendly/social within my small group and everyone was nice. The problem is I haven't made a single legit friend through college yet. Even though I made 'friends' during orientation and made conversation I hardly talk to any of those people anymore or do anything with them. There is about 1,000 kids in my college class that I attend. I am living in my own room within a suite (has three different rooms and each are single rooms and we share a living room/kitchen). My suitemates are very nice though one just stays in his room all day and the other is usually always out hanging with his girlfriend that goes to a different college. How do I make legit friends? Am I doing something wrong? In high school I was what I guess you call popular and had a lot of friends and was very bubbly and funny. The problem is it takes me a little while to warm up to people but once I do people usually like me. It really sucks cause I am just always chilling in my dorm room which I know is bad but I don't want to leave cause I am going to be a loner. I do say hi to people and try to make conversation with people that seem alone too but its just too awkward. Also, I do plan on joining clubs but next week monday is when we have all the clubs line up and you can join the ones you want to. Any suggestions on how to make friends? I don't like staying in my dorm room all day and being like a hermit. Thanks :)</p>
<p>Dude. It hasn’t even been a week; I’d be happy to have made some acquaintances at that point, never mind friends. Calm down, it’ll happen. :)</p>
<p>Your best bet starting off would be students that have the same classes as you. Notice anyone that has more than one class than you? Strike up conversation with them.</p>
<p>Here’s the thing about college: you all have something in common. You are all striving to complete a 4 year degree to advance somewhere else in life. Use that to your advantage, as in open conversation with classmates to that notion. Get into class a few mins early and see who else is there. Ask what year they’re in and what their major might be or what profession they want to go into. Before you know it you’ll be talking about hobbies and other interests and badda bing! you’ve got a new friend. Classmates will be your best bet for now.</p>
<p>Once clubs start you’ll notice it gets a little easier, since now most people in the club have 2 things in common: the first one above, and an interest in whatever the club is offering.</p>
<p>Most students won’t make deep friends during the first week and typically do stay in their dorms or walk around campus and the surrounding area to get familiar with it.</p>
<p>For me personally, I would also start looking into community events outside of campus. You don’t need to make friends with only other college students, and it may turn out to be beneficial in life to have an older or wiser perspective to turn to that isn’t your parents. Not like super old that your ages are decades apart, but maybe a few years like they might have just graduated college or something. Bars probably wouldn’t be a good place to meet people like that, especially if you can’t/don’t drink, but maybe there’s something you’re interested in that you can volunteer in locally if you have time. Maybe someone works there that recently graduated from your same school. You never know, so I would investigate those kinds of things.</p>
<p>If all else is failing, then maybe you can organize a mixer (not the dating kind of mixer) or social event yourself. Be creative or fun with it. Something like placing a couple posters on the school bulletin boards advertising a fun trip to a local event that your peers might be interested in. Set up a meeting place, transportation to the event (ask to pool funds together to rent a van if you don’t have your own car, or use a school provided local public transit pass), and maybe include an invitation to a meal before or after too.</p>
<p>Other than that I can’t think too much outside the box, other than you just keep posting here and adopting us as your friends, but that woulnd’t be the healthiest thing long term.</p>
<p>Best of luck.</p>
<p>Yeah thats what I was thinking. But it is very discouraging when I see lots of people always hanging out with the same people and it makes me think that they have at least some friends. I on the other hand haven’t talked too many people except the occasional small talk and such. But yes I guess your right I should maybe give it more time.</p>
<p>I know how you feel, when I started my first year I was a bit of a loner and I saw people with the same people hanging out. You’ll find out as I did those are usually friendships from high school that they still have, as the others said give it time, in like a month you should be able to pick out people who are in your classes, possible people from the same town as you used to be, people from clubs, etc. Once you start doing homework, if you work with some others from your classes or talk to the people next to you in class you’ll have plenty of aquaintances many of who will want to make friends just like you.</p>
<p>I find its kind of like when you are a little kid, your friends are the kids you do things with. Well at University/College the people you do stuff with will be your friends.</p>
<p>Having observed my two daughters, my impression is that people hang around with their roommates/floormates, or people they know from high school for the first few days- because no one wants to go places alone. Then, once classes start they meet more people, and a lot of those convenience relationships end.</p>
<p>So should I not feel bad for staying in my dorm room for much of the day. I feel like a lazy bum even though I have been doing homework and such but I don’t wanna go out by myself to events and such.</p>
<p>Go out by yourself to the events if you have to. That’s how you meet people.</p>
<p>Eh, college is way different from high school in the friend making area. I believe during my freshmen year I maybe met 1 - 3 people that I would occasionally talk to after classes or go to a movie or on campus event with.
Join clubs, go to campus events (invite others even if you don’t talk to them often), try to arrange study groups for certain classes… they all might involve getting to know people better.</p>
<p>There are a few different ways to find people easily from what I learned last year as a freshman.</p>
<p>-leave your dorm room door open, people that are outgoing will stop by and say hey
-go to events that were made for freshman specifically
-people generally only keep in touch with very few people they met from orientation. I feel like orientation was just a day or two of practicing starting over from the start and socializing and what not, and sadly, those are more of temporary friends for the most part
-MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!: the first few weeks of school you basically have a free pass to walk up to anybody and get to know them and say what’s up without any negative consequences like weird looks or people thinking you’re creepy lol. It sounds weird, but just do it, you will meet a bunch of people that way.</p>
<p>Last year, my freshman year, I made a good amount of acquaintances and about 5-7 good friends. Almost everyone I’ve talked to has expressed disappointment along the lines of “not making enough friends”. Really, I think it boils down to the fact that for most of us this is the first time we’ve had to start over making friends and therefore it seems like we have less. You just have to give it time. It’s not like your first semester will be your only chance to make friends and also remember that not everyone you meet will want to become closer (or you might not want to become closer to them!). Just put yourself out there and focus on quality, not quantity. ;-)</p>
<p>I find that although nice, the idea of suites for college freshmen is not a good idea. The typical dorm floor with a bunch of rooms all along a common hallway is much more conducive to meeting people. Suites can not usually be accessed by anyone but the suite occupants, so its not like you can pass by a bunch of open doors on your way to the bathroom and strike up a conversation “Hey, cool music, is that So-and-So? I went to the concert last year” blah, blah, blah. I think suites are lonely, so get out whenever you can! Go work out at the fitness center. You’ll meet people and burn off anxiety and stress while you are at it. Watch a sports team practice and you might meet others doing the same. Even sitting in a common area to watch some tv is better than watching on your own. As soon as those clubs start up, pick a couple you can really commit to, and join.
If you lived in the same town all your life, friendships were probably long term, like kids you knew since elementary and junior high. Now you know how the shy new kid felt…Friendships don’t really happen instantly though. Take the time to just get to know people slowly, so you can choose your friends wisely. Real friends are people you can talk to about personal things, or lean on if you need help - you might find one or two real friends, the type you stay in touch with after college. The rest will just be fun people to hang out with, interesting to know, but you probably won’t keep in touch. That’s normal. How many close friends do you have from high school? Were they instant friendships, or did they take time?</p>
<p>It was perfectly normal for me :).</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for their suggestions/advice! I have met three different friends, which I don’t really like to call them friends just yet cause I have known them for only like a few days. But, it is still really awkward going to the dining hall and sitting alone when everyone has at least someone else with them. Hopefully things will start to swing around though.</p>