<p>Pcaz, what I've abstracted from my quick reads is that your D was looking forward to her Spring classes but that her misery was socially based. The social stuff is the kind of thing that's <em>most</em> likely to improve with time...i.e., if she just normally goes about a routine she'll make new friends, etc. I've read far too many stories of second semester or second-year adjustments that I would let her throw in the towel easily. I remember that one of the women we met at a Smith party said she wanted to transfer after the first semester and as a senior was so glad she didn't.</p>
<p>Pcaz; Did you read the thread on Women's Colleges? I thought there were some interesting points. After reading it, I can see that there would be very convincing reasons to tranfer from an all-female college. My concern is the CC idea. Better that she organizes a 'real' transfer, $$$ and otherwise, IMHO.</p>
<p>We had a slightly different situation when we moved overseas. Our S, the one who voted to move overseas, quickly discovered he could not expect 100 amazing friends everywhere he went. Never the best at anticipating difficulties, he was in shock.</p>
<p>Then he got a double whammy: the new class simply did not have 100 amazing kids. It was one of those weird groups, a draw of bad luck.</p>
<p>After five months, we sent him back to the States for a 2 week "re-connection" visit. He had a great time, (nonwithstanding the 3 am grandparent rescue from the suburban police station). We told him he could move back if he wanted--but he decided against it. As hard as it was in the new place, he didn't want to go back and 'tread water' in his old haunts. Been there, done that.</p>
<p>Maybe the Christmas break will be the same for your daughter. It is hard to 'go home again' once you've been far away--and maybe a long holiday will restore her original goals for herself.</p>
<p>Cheers, what in the Women's Colleges thread suggests to you good reasons for transferring from a women's college?</p>
<p>I am so thankful for all of your comments. It has made the process of considering all of the options much easier. </p>
<p>Earlier today, I spoke with my daughter and presented her with three options: 1) Find a way to pay for a CC and work part time; 2) Take time off and work full time; and 3) Stay where she's at. With each option, I calmly outlined the pros and cons and told her it would be her choice, but that I felt the best way to go was to stick it out where she's at and I explained why. I didn't try to force an answer from her today. But from what I can tell, she's leaning toward staying put.</p>
<p>We have a very close relationship and, in general, she tells me almost everything that's going on in her life. So I do know that there are no serious psychological issues here. It's just that this situation is precipitating some growing pains that she needs to deal with. Hopefully, she'll come out of it a more mature and thoughtful human being.</p>
<p>CLDad, while she wants challenging academics, I think the desire to be back among her friends trumped that, at least temporarily. I have urged her to see a counselor or an advisor to talk things through. Fortunately, her college is VERY supportive and I plan on doing what I can to see that she talks with someone there. (BTW, best of luck to your daughter as she begins a new school!)</p>
<p>Counselor504, thanks so much for sharing your story. It was incredibly helpful hearing what you learned from the process, especially how the transfer admissions officers view CCs and time off. I have shared this info with my daughter and encouraged her to call the transfer admissions office at some of the schools she's considering. Unfortunately, we live out West and she goes to school in New England, so weekend trips home are not possible. But if she stays, she has a very good friend in Boston and a cousin in NYC that she can visit when it gets to be too much. I'm happy to hear that your daughter is doing so well! </p>
<p>curmudgeon, my daughter met her roommate at the college's admissions event last spring and her other friend she met this fall. Her biggest issue is that while she's very social, she's also very shy, and finds it difficult to get out and meet new people. Hence, she depends on her group of friends in the social arena to make socializing a bit easier.</p>
<p>I very much agree that this is a lesson she needs to learn now. I have no intention of enabling her to arrange for an easy escape. And I've given her a caveat that while the transfer financial aid package doesn't have to be as good as the one she's getting now, it does have to be do-able for our family.</p>
<p>TheDad, I couldn't agree with you more. Which is why I'm all for her sticking it out. So many things can change between now and the end of next semester! </p>
<p>All I can do is provide her with love, guidance and support. But in the end, she'll be the one to decide and, for better or worse, she'll have to deal with the consequences of that decision.</p>
<p>Bravo. Pcaz. I really hope it works out. I sounded so brave, and heaven knows I'll try to stick to my guns, but my heart broke with letters from camp!!! This thread was fodder at dinner tonight and made for interesting table chatter. Good luck to your D and I'm sure she'll be O.K. It is soooo scary. She sounds like my kid.</p>
<p>pcaz- I would like to know where she's at... you can just e-mail me if you want to keep it anonymous on CC. Because chances are, if we're in the same college, I might know who she is through my huge social network. </p>
<p>I was very unhappy too but now I am getting excited to go home (in two weeks, yeah!!!). My friends AND people whom I haven't talked to since orientation have been extremely supportive and helped me to talk out with my frustrations. I just had a problem of not finding anything concrete to look forward to when coming back to this college every time I go way off campus. It was really hard making solid friendships because everyone is trying to find out where they fit on campus. </p>
<p>One of the things I did was to consider a room change to have a different atmosphere- to be with different people down the hall. I'm looking forward to that possiblity and hopefully eliminating the isolation that my room presents in terms of where it's situated... That's my only other thing I will look forward to (generally) when I come back in January for the second semester! </p>
<p>Remember to keep reminding her that college is really about getting an education, not the social aspect of it (even though it is important to us...) but at the end, it's the education she's getting that matters the most. I had to keep that in mind and realize that it's easy to pursue that because of the supportive academic atmosphere that I am in. That's the advice I got from my class dean when I expressed my unhappiness to him a couple days ago. </p>
<p>Also, I would think that since she is at an all women's college, she would have an easier time forming bonds with several people because there are no "distractions"! I find it quite true... I love making friends here because it's easier than at a co-ed school!</p>
<p>I wish your D the best of luck. She should really try to stick it out, especially if she likes her classes next semester. She may not see them at a cc!</p>
<p>I know of many students who were not happy their first year because of the huge adjustment and the fact that many students knew each other ie were from the same area. They became more comfortable and secure towards the end of the second semester and now as a sophomore love their school. It is not always the case but 1 semester is not a lot of time. Personally I would see how she feels by the summer and get support in the meantime. Again just my opinion.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you and your daughter, pcaz. It sounds like you're dealing with the situation in a very intelligent and support manner, and hopefully your daughter will come to the same conclusion that you have.</p>
<p>Pcaz, You sound like you handled the conversation with your daughter perfectly. Good job. Do let us know how it all works out for her.</p>
<p>I will second the idea of contacting transfer admissions counselors at the various schools she might consider for next year. January transfers can be done, but the time is tight right now & some colleges may tell you that have no room for Jan. transfers.
Also, find out exactly how each school reviews transfers apps. (expected gpa, evaluation of credits, etc.) & how easy it is to secure housing & or merit aid as a transfer student. All this can vary greatly from school to school, even if your D might have been easily accepted to that same school as an entering freshmen.</p>
<p>I'd just like to throw in a comment here... I'm in my first year of university too (just come home for the holidays actually :)), and it is a HUGE adjustment. And it was probably easier for me than alot of people, given that I wasn't even living at home last year, and so was used to looking after myself!</p>
<p>It sounds to me like your D is a bit overwhelmed by everything. She is obviously feeling lonely, and now that both her closest friends are leaving, that loneliness is driving her to want to return to a place where she can feel 'at home', as it were. </p>
<p>Perhaps she could try taking up a few sports/other activities, where she can meet new people? If she finds people with interests in common with her, she might feel more inclined to stick it out.</p>
<p>Just another quick note: I attend a very high pressure university, and when I was there I moaned every day about how tired and over-worked I was... I got home a few days ago, I am bored, and counting the days until I can go back. Perhaps when your D is away, she will remember all the things she likes about her college??</p>
<p>Kudos for the calm and measured phone call, Pcaz! That wasn't easy, I'm sure.</p>
<p>Hopefully this episode will turn into one of those forlorn letters from camp--all gone after a few weeks. But I had to laugh at Cur's remembrance. those letters killed me too!</p>
<p>Well handled, I know that was tough. I agree with Laylah, perhaps at the break you can gently explore the possibility of groups or activities that she might join. SHe might want to revisit them since her roommate is leaving. We encouraged our daughter as she is looking to think about what groups she could join at each school, that's so important for someone 1000 miles away from home.</p>
<p>I too didn't have a good first year at my top-ranked LAC, 800 miles from home. Like your daughter, I am shy, and I missed my high school buddies, but academically I was doing fine. I too called my parents in tears, saying I wanted to transfer somewhere closer to home. A year later, it seemed totally ridiculous that I had ever even thought about transferring. Good thing I didn't do it!!! So I agree that even if she decides against sticking it out for the spring semester, she should take a leave of absence rather than withdrawing completely. I stuck it out and loved it in the end. Encourage your daughter to focus on the things about her college that she likes... and remember it's ok for her to have plenty of contact via email/phone/IM with her HS friends, if that's the support she needs to get through this.</p>
<p>WOW finally a place to express the topic that started this forum off--my daughter is just hating her freshman year. Ready to pack up and come back home to go to a 4-year college here. Im at my wits end!!! Ive tried encouraging her to talk to her RA or counselor--she says she will but has not. I wish someone could just see her pain and help her--but I know that can't happen.</p>
<p>If the student is doing well, the best advice to give is to start filing those transfer papers. That is what I told each of mine to do. There is a lot of work to be done, if she wants to be in another school next year. This sort of situation comes up repeatedly in life. You can have a job you hate, but if you need the money, it is not generally the wisest choice to chuck the job, come live at home and work at minimum wage while you look for something else that you might like to do better. That is what a neighbor's daughter did and it took her 5 years to get back to that level of her first job that she hated that much. The only time it is wise to get out of "Dodge" fast is if there is a true danger, or some illegal doings. Otherwise, you need to stick with the program until you find something better or that fits your goals more closely.</p>
<p>I had this fear with my son. He had too many friends at home who were going to local schools and his first two years he would party very hard when he came home. He was interested in a girl at a local college, and the life of the these kids who were working part time with their own cars, and taking courses that where not as difficult leaving them plenty of time to play really caught his attention. I was scared that he would actually transfer to some non selective local school for the sheer reason that he wanted the "good life" that he was seeing. That is always a difficult situation when they want to do that. I did make it clear that he was not going to live at home and go to community college or to a local school. I wanted him OUT of the house.</p>
<p>jamimom, my daughter is in a situation that's similar to your son's. I was afraid that coming home and spending too much time around her friends--and a guy she's interested in--would sway her decision to go back, but instead, it seems to have reinforced her desire to be away from this area. </p>
<p>At this point, she's finalized her transfer list and is working on applications. Even though she doesn't like the women's college that she's at, she's added Barnard to her list and is excited about the possibility of going there. I think it was the combination of big city life, small college atmosphere and the potential to attend classes with more men that did it. </p>
<p>I'm just concerned that she find a school that has a healthy balance between academics and social activities. The last thing I want is for her to go too far down party lane.</p>
<p>Kudos to your daughter for getting the transfer process started. As bitterly as my son complained about his college, he was too lazy to research some alternative schools, get the apps, complete the apps, send out the apps, get the needed references, send the transcripts and scores needed. All I got was the complaints, and though I was heavily involved in his college process while he was in highschool, I refused to lift a finger to help him in a transfer. I was NOT going to facilitate this move, though I woud not stand in his way if he wanted it badly enough. Good luck to her, and I hope she finds a good match this time.</p>
<p>Socially womens colleges are very different....students need to be pretty proactive....going with friends to other colleges, or to college town hang-outs to meet students......(the word "road trip" comes to mind).....that lifestyle's not for everyone...but I agree with curmudgeon....she needs to take a careful look at the exact problem and figure it out....she chose the school in the first place....best of luck to you both at his confusing time!</p>
<p>Pcaz, I'm glad to hear the update on your daughter. It sounds like spending time at home showed her that the grass isn't always greener at home. :) Good luck to her in transferring - let us know what happens!</p>