I have one kid attending a very reachy university, and another attending a nice but standard state flagship. Both are having a good time. Both are learning a lot. Both have good social lives. Both have good professors. The one at the reachy school has MANY more stories about arrogant, rude, and entitled students.
I am going to share this because you might find it interesting and somewhat of a consolation. Recently I had a conversation with a very successful individual who hires many employees. He told me that he is so disgusted with higher education in terms of cost, professors indoctrinating students with their own political views, safe spaces, intolerance of views other than their own as well as free speech that he can’t imagine what quality employees they are creating. He told me that he will not be hiring from Ivy Leagues, elite, or other universities/colleges known for this climate but instead he is going to be looking for high quality students from public and other types of institutions not engaging in this behavior. He told me to watch, that it would be the next trend in hiring. He said he would rather hire a kid who had run a cash register or done physical labor in high school, than one who participated in summer academic experiences. He told me he is tired of the recent graduate who is full of themselves and has done nothing but achieve academically. Interesting to say the least. To me the take away was that futures aren’t built on where one goes to college and how many achievements one can list.
Wow, painting every graduate from dozens of schools with the same brush? And he is accusing others of intolerance? Sounds like a great guy.
It appears the opposite from what you are saying…
What’s wrong with having regrets? People seem to equate that with not “looking forward”, with justifying the outcome, or with bringing up extraneous issues such as affordability.
I don’t think there’s any problem with wishing one had applied to more “high end” schools. There are tons of examples of kids who applied to sevetal and who got in to only 1 reach. Here’s a recent one (post #18):
This was an incredibly competitive year. Applying to more competitive schools likely wouldn’t have made a difference. Best to move on.
I always find it funny when conservatives yammer about professors indoctrinating students; it’s hard enough to get them to do the homework!
On topic: my DD, now a junior, applied to 4 elite universities (and others). She was accepted at the most elite, rejected by one, and waitlisted at the other two. What if she had applied to four more? Would she have more acceptances or just more rejections?
I actually think your approach of two reaches is wise. You have taken a careful shot, but not risked the massive failure some students experience. The college process is exhausting. Young people shouldn’t have to go through such a brutal system of judgment. Yes, it is common, but it is harsh. One can go through a whole life and never have to present oneself so “holistically” for such judgment.
Let him have his maybe, shoulda, woulda, coulda. A year from now he is likely to be thrilled with his new life.
There’s no point second guessing now. CC is a fairly self-selecting group. You are often seeing stats from kids who are URM or have some other hook. Kids also lie on CC. Think about the 96% of kids who are rejected from Stanford. You can bet most of them aren’t coming back here to tell us they didn’t get in.
You child sounds like an “average” excellent student. He might have got in, but he probably wouldn’t have. The odds really are against them. Remember that despite hearing the phrase “it’s a lottery”, it isn’t, actually. Comfort yourself by knowing that you didn’t waste a few hundred more bucks on app fees, i.e., “lottery tickets.” 
“I think he regrets not having the brand…”
Wrong reason to pick a college. There are many pros and cons for attending Ivies, state universities, or community colleges. But choosing a college on name only will guarantee years of unhappiness. Rather than pick the “right” college, students should pick the “right for them” college. Many, many people have attended second-tier colleges and done well for themselves.
Now, I do think if a student really wanted an Ivy League experience and didn’t apply to any because of a fear of rejection, fear of fitting in, not understanding meets need, etc., then that might be a legitimate cause of regret.
@empireapple Keep on “yammering.” : - ) Your comments have a great amount of merit.
My D could have applied to more reaches, but after seeing all of the similar offers (and using the NPCs), she wouldnt have rec’d more merit. So, getting into a “better” school with less money would have been a useless exercise.
My D2 chose not to reach, applied to 4 colleges and was accepted to all 4. She knew where she wanted to go and chose her safety. She did it because she felt it fit her, her academic goals and her future goals the best. She actually had one higher ranked school give her a bit better financial aid. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with being confident in being accepted to where you apply. I think it might show that he is confident in himself and that he doesn’t need a brand to know he is successful and achieve his goals.
@Empireapple I think that will be the trend in hiring, because with all of these schools and different paths (Community college + 2 years, CC+online, online only, 4 year, state, small LACs, OOS, 2 year branch + 2 year flagship), how are hiring managers really supposed to understand/differentiate between the “quality” of these paths? Not counting for-profits in this.
This is why many schools are promoting their internship programs. I think group and project work (like in the new www.missionu.com) is the wave of the future for many occupations, but it just may take a while to take hold.
@Empireapple - the person you know may very well be using that strategy… but I don’t think America will find itself in a situation where those with significant academic achievements or from elite colleges are suddenly undesirable to all employers.
A guy I know is a rabid OSU fan and refuses to hire anyone who went to Michigan… doesn’t seem to be making a large ripple in the market. I find the sort of thinking that “dismisses” any group shortsighted, but that’s just me.
" He said he would rather hire a kid who had run a cash register or done physical labor in high school, than one who participated in summer academic experiences. He told me he is tired of the recent graduate who is full of themselves and has done nothing but achieve academically. Interesting to say the least."
This is laughable. As if every student at an elite student has never worked a real job? Or accomplished anything non-academic? Pretty misguided impression.
My youngest, like @lvvcsf 's chose not to reach. I wanted her to, but she was firm. Did not want loans, and her efc wouldn’t been unaffordable once her older sister graduated. You’ve never heard of her school, but she has no regrets. And no debt.
I get that you might feel a little sad and wonder “what if?” but “what if?” could’ve been more rejections as easily as it could have been an acceptance. Grieve a little. It’s ok. It won’t last, and by this time next year you might even look back and wonder why on earth you were sad about this at all!
You can drive yourself nuts with this kind of conversation.
The glass is not half empty, ITS FULL! He’s going to college, he has a chance to do great things.
First world problems. Your kid got into a great school. It will meet his needs and probably be more enjoyable because the competition and academic rigor of elite schools can be really stressful. And here’s a thought? If he goes on to grad school, he could STILL go to an elite school if he’s meant to…so undergrad is not the end of the world.
“Recently I had a conversation with a very successful individual who hires many employees. He told me that he is so disgusted with higher education in terms of cost, professors indoctrinating students with their own political views, safe spaces, intolerance of views other than their own as well as free speech that he can’t imagine what quality employees they are creating. He told me that he will not be hiring from Ivy Leagues, elite, or other universities/colleges known for this climate but instead he is going to be looking for high quality students from public and other types of institutions not engaging in this behavior. He told me to watch, that it would be the next trend in hiring. He said he would rather hire a kid who had run a cash register or done physical labor in high school, than one who participated in summer academic experiences. He told me he is tired of the recent graduate who is full of themselves and has done nothing but achieve academically. Interesting to say the least.”
Sure he won’t be hiring from Ivy Leagues…few people with an Ivy League education apply to be stock people at Walmart.
I get where OP is coming from, and yes I know it’s first world problems, misplaced priorities, and financially privileged. But…
S18 has very high test scores and goes to a rigorous private school, but got off to a slow start academically and has a medicore gpa and generic ECs for what might be considered top “reach” schools. Seeing how badly 2017 admissions season has gone for many of his friends, he has lost much of his appetite for reaching and instead wants to apply early to a low reach or target school. If he gets into such a school, of course I will be happy for him and my head will know he did the right thing, but a little (admittedly elitist) piece of me will no doubt wonder “what if?”. C’est la vie.
Hopefully the colleges are not creating employees or employers who develop very strong views about colleges based on news stories involving very small numbers of students. Also, in some areas it is the smaller less-prestigious regional public or private colleges that graduate students who (while having experience working a cash register) may have difficulty functioning in a more diverse workplace.