<p>Hello everyone. I've posted in this forum before about some problems I was having my first year at school. Well it's my second year, and I have decided to take a leave of absence from school for this semester for a number of different reasons. Mainly, I was having a lot of trouble dealing with being far from home and dealing with anxiety. It was bad enough that I had considered transferring during freshman year because of these issues. However, my parents wanted me to stay the whole year before making any kind of decision about transferring which was something I agreed with and did. I wasted the summer away procrastinating about making a decision and when the time came to go back to school I sort of freaked out and took a leave of absence last minute. Now I am just going a little crazy trying to decide what to do. </p>
<p>Basically I am just so lost and I have no idea what to do. My school is about 4-5 hours (no traffic) away from home in a major city. I do miss certain aspects about it, but overall right now I'm feeling glad to be home. I can't really even imagine being at school. So basically I'm trying to figure out what I should do, and I just thought having some parents' opinions on it might help. </p>
<p>I was going to put in some transfer applications to a few schools, but I just have a sort of weird feeling about the whole situation, kind of like transferring might not solve my problems completely, although I do think it would make them easier to deal with. To start off, one option is to transfer to my state school (Rutgers), be close to home and save some money, which is a good idea since I do want to go to grad school. Also, I was considering trying to apply to NYU (I did get accepted out of HS, would have preferred to go there, but my parents pushed me to decide to attend BU, my current school, instead [they think Boston is safer and more of a college town than NYC]). My parents want me to stay at BU, and honestly I know they are more upset about the timing than anything, but I feel like they are unsympathetic and don't really understand what's wrong (it can be somewhat hard to talk to them). All throughout freshman year they told me I could transfer if I wanted to, no pressure, but now at home they just seem so much less supportive, and it's really making things so much harder for me. They constantly make snide remarks at me and it's almost like they try to make me feel guilty about wasting an opportunity at this "prestigious" and expensive school when other people who can't afford it would kill to go there. Both my parents come from poorer backgrounds and I know they've worked hard for me to be able to go to any school I wanted, and I feel like they are so disappointed in me for not wanting to stay. I have never felt distanced or anything from my family, I was always the pride and joy of my parents, but now I feel a rift between us and I feel like a huge let down to them. At the same time I somewhat resent them for making me feel like this when some of my friends have transferred home or taken time off with much less opposition from their parents (and I do know they want what's best for me, but it just feels like a constant struggle). My other option is to return to BU and find a way to deal and cope with my anxiety there (which keep in mind was very hard for me to deal with), which could be in the form of medication. I have gone to therapists in the past and while it did help, I just feel like it isn't a big help for me anymore. </p>
<p>So my biggest issue I guess is whether or not I should transfer schools. My major concern about transferring is that it may not solve my problems with anxiety although I know it will help relieve them being closer to home. One of my biggest concerns is how this will affect me in the long run. I am mostly concerned about finding myself in a new school and environment with the same feelings and issues. Going off this, I am concerned that these issues will follow and affect me for the rest of my life, which I find to be wildly overwhelming and depressing. I also am worried that transferring closer to home will take away from me growing as an independent adult and will make me more reliant on my parents and home, which is something I want to grow out of. I am worried about transferring closer to home postponing my problems (dealing with anxiety and leaving home) instead of fixing them. Last thing, I just wish that I liked being far from home, and the fact that I don't makes me feel like there is something wrong with me or that my anxiety, again, is going to wind up controlling parts of my life.</p>
<p>I know this was a bit long, but thanks for reading and any advice would help so much.</p>