okay guys this is gonna be a long one but there is really no one else who I can talk to and would like the opinions of others who are dealing with the same thing as I am or just anyone who thinks they can help me out… So last year my freshman year I was accidentally put on the foreign floor as well having a foreign roommate. Clearly there were cultural boundaries and I just was not able to connect on a social level. I was able to move to another hall within a month and a half. I thought it was a little better because I was living in a quad and they were able to speak english, but I thought wrong. The girl who I roomed with was the one who I thought I had the most connection with but soon she told me she was switching to a different room to be with a friend that she made. Now I was stuck with three girls who were not social at all and never wanted to go out. The only time they were out of their dorms was when they had class. And unlike other floors, our whole floor was completely dead. As I was dealing with all of this at college I also was dealing with a family situation as well which had affected me in a bad way. During my whole freshman year I was very depressed and hated my life because of everything that I was dealing with and I had no friends to really talk about this with or a way to forget what was going on at home. My friends from home kind of went our different ways so I was not as close to them to tell them how miserable I was and plus they seemed like they were having the best time of their lives in college. I tried going to counseling but I felt like it did not help me at all. Because of everything that has happen last year, I am still feeling very depress because I literally have no friends and I could only hold a tiny conversation. Yes I know partially it is my fault that I did not take advantage and tried to join clubs or go to other floors but I relied way too much on making friends on my floor and with my roommate. Everyone at school are not that friendly and are all very cliquey because greek life is very strong here. I really don’t know what to do because although I am here for my education having some sort of social life is important to the college experience and it is the reason why I wanted to go away for college, but sadly I don’t have a social life. My parents understand a little bit but not fully understand because they did not go away for college and they said that I can transfer if I really hate at the end of this year, but I don’t know if I can make it through another lonely and depressing year… I am shy at first but once you get to know me I am a very outgoing person. I really don’t want my college experience to go to waste and would love to make my best friends in college.
It hasn’t been four years yet. One year plus a few weeks at this point. You describe yourself as depressed, so the first thing to do is make an appointment at your university counseling center and get your mental health needs addressed.
It is so unfortunate that so many young people have this idealized vision of what the “college experience” should look like, and if theirs doesn’t look like those images they are missing out. The “college experience” is a personal thing, and every college student has their own experience that they can mold as they go. College is first and foremost about getting an education, so no matter what you decide to do, stay or transfer, make sure to keep up on your academics and do as well as you can. This alone, and not whether or not you have friends or whatever else, will keep doors open for you.
There are many many posts on the message board regarding feeling lonely and not having friends. There is also a lot of great advice associated with those posts. You probably don’t have to scroll down very far to find one or two. One parent poster, @Lindagaf even mentioned an app for finding other people on your campus who are alone that sounded promising.
The bottom line is that no matter what you are faced with in life that is challenging, the trick is to keep working at it and trying to figure out how to solve the problem, not just giving up. Through this type of stress comes growth. You can do it, but you have to change the way you are thinking about things, and you need to change what you are doing. No one can do it for you.
Great post, @NorthernMom61 !
The app is called Sit With Us. Please check it out. Guarantee other kids are feeling the same. Good luck.
Sorry to hear that it’s such a challenge, and I hope you will check out counseling and the other suggestions.
Just a thought: having “the best four years” or even “the best year”’ of your life is a pretty extravagant thing. How about going to a smaller goal, like “this weekend, I’m going to attend an event on campus even if it means going alone, and while I’m there, I’m going to take to at least three people” or “tomorrow I’m going to chat with the person sitting next to me in class” or “I’m going to take a risk and sit down with a stranger who is also sitting alone at lunch.”
Honestly, I don’t know why people think that if they’re lonely freshman year, they’ll be lonely throughout all 4 years of college. I’ve met a few upperclassmen who have told me that they don’t even talk to most of the friends they made freshman year anymore. You have 3 years ahead of you and the opportunity to make friends throughout all of them. Just because 1 year didn’t go so well doesn’t mean that the rest will be the same way.
As for making your “best friends” in college, I seriously think you shouldn’t force that. If it happens then it happens, but it also doesn’t have to. You have your whole life after college to make new/better relationships with others. Pushing to make “best friends” could lead you down a road you might not want to go down later on. However, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try to make any friends whatsoever. Basically, what I’m trying to say is just don’t force a friendship into something that it’s not ready for.