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At a more informal level, if they can't figure this out for themselves, kids can be encouraged to make some kind of reciprocal deal with roommates or hallmates: I'll proof your paper if you proof mine.
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<p>I don't think this can ever be reciprocal. There are people who can proofread and people who can't. As far as I can tell, you're either born with this ability or you aren't (although those who have the inherent ability can certainly work to perfect it). Thus, there are some kids who proofread many people's papers, and others who proofread none.</p>
<p>Helped/hovered over lots of homework in HS. For college, I don't help at all with any coursework, but I do help a lot with figuring out my S's course schedule. It's pretty complex figuring out what needs what prereqs, what is only offered in the fall, what is only offered every 2 years, what meets what requirement for what major and minor and cluster and whatever. And of course since they might not get into their first choice classes you always have to have several back up course schedule plans going on :) His advisor is pretty useless. Well, not useless per se, just not willing to help him run the zillion permutations to make his schedule work out like I am.</p>
<p>How much do we participate in our children's college work? </p>
<p>Zip, nada, nothing.</p>
<p>We write the tuition checks and I make the plane reservations for travel to and from school because we pay for those, too, and I am better at finding the deals.</p>
<p>We pay the bills of course. S only contact us in the following situations
1. Needs money
2. Wants to share something that is going on (how a test went, a grade, something that is upcoming, etc)
3. I have yet to see any grades. First semester was P/F grade only and he shared with us that the passed them all.
4. I just became a fair to moderate text messenger, but I would fail miserably if I had to try to understand Cal 3, Physics 2 and Chem 2.
5. He knows better than to expect me to understand what he is studying. He is quick to share feedback from his academic advisor. He also set up his own housing for next year already.
Again, I will see the bill but he managed all the details on his own.</p>
<p>swimcatsmom - Eli Mom here. I repeat a wonderful prayer a friend once said - dear Lord, help me remember I have two ears and one mouth and to use them proportionately.</p>
<p>As I remember last fall, someone on the boards suggested that I helped my son too much with apps and that he would be unable to complete his work without me, or something, that it would take him <em>weeks</em> to do any papers and he would surely fail. </p>
<p>What's actually true is that we talk every few days via IM. I think I saw one of his papers last fall, but that's it. We do sometimes talk about the ideas he has for his papers, but we've done that since he was little -- we debate ideas all the time. Mostly we have a regular check-in list to determine if he is being "a constant source of disappointment" (a family in-joke). I ask him the following: </p>
<ol>
<li>Have you taken up smoking? </li>
<li>Are you in debt?</li>
<li>Is your bank account overdrawn?</li>
<li>Is any girl (that he's involved with) pregnant?</li>
<li>Are you failing out?</li>
</ol>
<p>As long as the answers are all no, he's doing fine. :-) </p>
<p>We talk more often about managing money; I am helping him be more comfortable and confident in managing his finances. I sometimes purchase small things he needs and have them sent there. We also discuss things he's stressed about sometimes.</p>
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swimcatsmom - Eli Mom here. I repeat a wonderful prayer a friend once said - dear Lord, help me remember I have two ears and one mouth and to use them proportionately.
<p>The first college paper I saw of my daughter's was her senior thesis, after it had been bound and she had graduated. She is a writer, and there is no way we could ever add anything to her work, nor would we try.<br>
My son hasn't shown me any papers since the 7th grade when I happened to read something he brought home with an 'A'- "Great Job!" written on top.
It was a lousy piece of writing and I told him so. His response - "I know, I was in a hurry that night, and the teacher barely reads our stuff anyway."
That's when we decided he would follow his sister to the private high school where she was enrolled. :(
He did let me read his college admission essays, but I haven't seen any college work. His grades are great, though. I hope they are an accurate reflection of his work.</p>
<p>Isn't college a place you can escape from your parents? We try to get a copy of his schedule so we know when he's reachable and our cheating consists of investigating what we can online about a topic when he drops a rare pearl of information. I give e-mail advice, such as talk to your advisor, research thus and such about jobs, majors... School work is his business, not mine.</p>
<p>D is taking an advanced French course at local Ivy during senior year. She just finished a 10 page paper- and as it is in French, and apparently there is a specific French format for theses etc- she was on her own. Hablo espanol.</p>
<p>Our D, a college senior, frequently sends us drafts of papers for comment. She actually has her own "editorial board" that includes parents and two key, trusted former classmates. </p>
<p>For someone to call seeking advice cheating or an honor code violation is just crazy. Any good writer (and D is very good) seeks criticism and advice. That's part of learning and staying a good writer.</p>
<p>We "editors' tend to look at overall logical flow, seeing whether the arguments are clear (or at least understandable to us lay audience members) and catching obvious grammar or construction problems.</p>
<p>Regarding writing one of the papers, impossible. I have not done the readings they're based on, so how could I even begin to consider the underlying thesis of a paper? </p>
<p>As far as anything else goes, parents of prospective collegians should realize that legal walls have been set up that keep us out of the way of our students. As a result, the college can tell us nothing (with a few interesting exceptions in the health/safety arena) without the specific OK of our students.</p>
<p>I happen to know my daughter's advisor, and her dean of students. Does that mean I get any particular insight into what is going on? Not at all. </p>
<p>The one exception to communication is in regards to certain kinds of problems. For example, at my D's school, the dean of students spends quite a bit of time on certain Mondays calling parents to let them know their kid was hauled to the ER due to alcohol intoxication the previous weekend. Not a fun task, I'm sure. And that's about it. We don't even see grades - daughter never authorized it, and we never pushed for it. (but she tells us - she's incented to do so...)</p>
<p>I find it sad that some posters in this topic who are completely uninvolved in their children's studies imply or even explicitly state that it is somehow unethical or immoral for others to be involved in their childrens' college educations. Is any of this judgment of others really justification for their own actions (or inaction)? I refuse to apologize for being involved in my childrens' educations, in terms of knowing which courses they are taking, what topics they are covering, etc. I also think it does not hurt to encourage my kids when I know they have several difficult assignments due around the same time.</p>
<p>My daughter is an engineering major and is not satisfied to simply understand the material well enough to get an A. She wants to make sure that she thoroughly understands every aspect of the material, so often she will call or e-mail me with a technical question. I even bought her a laser printer / scanner so she can sketch something and make a PDF file she can send to me for specific questions. This is not direct help with homework assignments, but rather clarification of concepts that are covered in lectures, in her textbooks, etc. I have also occasionally read some of her writing assignments and made comments about spelling and grammar. More importantly, when she needed help writing her resume or applying for junior year abroad schools, I also gave her advice. I do not see how it is necessarily better for all parents to pay $200,000 for a college education but then to be completely uninvolved in helping the child to get a great summer position, permanent job, graduate school, etc. Each parent has his own strengths. Why not help your own child in ways that you are able?</p>
<p>Just because our kids are at college does not mean they stop being part of our families! And providing advice, support, encouragement, criticism when needed and such is hardly meddling, at least in my neck of the woods. And frankly, seeking and using the advice of others is a great life skill, one used by most successful people.</p>
<p>I think it strange that someone could even think about parents doing the work of our college kids. We're not there attending the classes and doing the readings, or the labs. How could we do the work for them?</p>