<p>Re the post by bethievt: "I wouldn't ask a roomie for a cell phone number. Emergency contacts should be through RA, IMO."</p>
<p>No RA for my college students - on-campus apartments. RA probably isn't a bad idea if your student is in typical dorm living. </p>
<p>However, I do think that the roomie is probably more on top of exactly how to reach your child. The RA will probably have to just contact the roommate anyway, if your child is not reachable. Time saved and less people bothered through direct contact.</p>
<p>Again, only in emergencies should the cell of a roomie be considered. My d is going on her fourth year and we have never had to go through anyone else to reach her.</p>
<p>I think you can cover a lot of bases by leaving a friendly note for the roommate, with your contact info. You could include an invitation to the parents to write, and leave it at that. Since you will be missing the shared unpackathon, leaving a note will serve as an introduction and as a resource if the roommate ever feels the need to contact you.</p>
<p>I rarely call my college-age and beyond kids, almost always waiting for them to phone me. But I don't view my college kids as adults. Especially when I am paying for college--and for their cell phones!</p>
<p>My daughter didn't stop to think that if I were to call and get no answer or no return call, I might try again, and then start to worry. </p>
<p>The beauty of the cell phone is that Mom doesn't know where you are or who you're with. Those details were (and are) her business. I do, however, have a right to know if she is alive and safe, or in trouble. I did tell her quite strongly afterward (gosh, five years ago, now!) that she had no right to make me worry like that. She was quite chastened and has never done this kind of thing again.</p>
<p>Her roommate, Courtney, would have told me she went to a friend's cabin and approximately when she planned to return. </p>
<p>This is not to say that everyone "should be able to have a cell phone number to contact a roomie." Just something that would have worked for us in that situation, and was a good plan when our son went off to college.</p>
<p>Momof3Stars,<br>
I guess that what's nice vs. creepy depends on your locale and the college's locale, and on the type of college (mentioned before). I live in the region covered by the Northwest Ordinance of 1787 (but not in Chicago); and I think it would be fine to contact the roommate's mother by email (briefly), under the conditions I mentioned in post #24. I won't stereotype other regions of the country by guessing where the people who would find it invasive or stalker-ish live . . . but that's not to say that I'm not curious!</p>
<p>OK, I will admit it. I am that annoying office co-worker that welcomes all of the new employees with open arms and asks them questions about themselves. I care, I gather information, I AM INTERESTED IN PEOPLE"S LIVES!! I must join a 12-step program to control this though bc while in the office people find it charming and quirky and only a little strange I guess it holds no place in my D's new world. (Although all of her friends claim to like that I am interested in talking to them when they come over) Oh well, I still have DD14 and DS3 to bother I guess...</p>
<p>I think the OP should hang around the extra day so that she can casually meet the roommate and roommate's mom and then suggest an exchange of cell phone numbers "just in case." </p>
<p>That said, I don't even know the last names of my daughter's roommates... although I have her boyfriend's cell number (now) and have met his mom. I got the boyfriend's cell number after my daughter got hit by the car (she's fine, really) but it sure would have been nice to have before that.</p>
<p>About illness, my friend's D became ill as a freshman. She became ill on a Friday night and the health care center was closed. She was very shy about seeking help, but she was so ill that she called her mother (not really knowing what she should do). Her mother called the campus police, and they took her to an ER. My friend did not call roommates about her daughter's illness. I do understand that a few contact numbers for various emergency scenarios can come in handy, but I just wanted to add that campuses have services available for emergency situations.</p>
<p>Regarding contacting roommate's mother...it's not really the same but here is my story.
I met DS's freshman year roommate's parents at orientation. School is in Boston, I am in CA. They live near Boston. They offered/extended their cel phones and emails to me. Also got mine. They very kindly offered to go to the school in case of any emergency and assist until I could get there.
DS has spent some holidays at their house. (Boys are now juniors).
I have had limited email with the mother, mostly me saying thank you when they have extended themselves on behalf of my son. Probably three times in three years.
In this situation with the distance issue, I don't think contact with the other mother is weird. BUT if distance were not an issue and he was not spending holidays with them I probably wouldn't have email contact.</p>
<p>Cronie and Zoosermom: You are sick people to be jealous!!! Would you seriously want to do potty training again?<br>
LOL, call it an early case of empty nest syndrome. DH and I realized when DD17 was entering JH that soon she would be gone and after about 2 years of what my Dr called "not trying very hard to not get pregnant" (bc I refused to stress) we were blessed with DS3 (our only son, the youngest and the most spoiled. Poor kid). He could not have come at a better time. Youngest D was getting a little too much into the role of the baby of the family and oldest D was a freshman in HS. Quick story: DS was literally born while DD17 was taking her NYS Math A Regents Exam. She had to take the test knowing I was in labor and about to deliver any minute!!<br>
The hardest part about all of this is that DD17 is very sad about missing so much of her younger brother's childhood by being away. Such is life I guess.</p>
<p>As a student, I would be sort of weirded out if I showed up and there was a goody bag waiting for me because it would feel like my roommate's mom was trying to buy my friendship for her daughter. I think it would be a better idea to send a care package later on. </p>
<p>I'd also not appreciate it if my mom and their parents were having conversations. It would be ok if you left a note saying "Hey I'm ___'s mom. Here is my email and phone number in case you need to contact me", but there shouldn't be any personal exchanging (especially about your daughter) because that makes for an awkward situation. Parents should try to be hands-off.</p>
<p>As far as getting a friend or roommate's phone number--I think that is a horrible thing to do. Like in the case mentioned above, it really puts the roommate in a bad situation when the mother calls and asks where her kid is because they don't want the friend mad at them for telling but they also feel obligated to tell them. It isn't their place to be the middle man. I've been in that situation before and it is horrible and it's really awkward when you are like "ugh it's my roommates mom calling. what does she want?". If you absolutely must contact the friend, just say something along the lines of "I have been unable to reach my kid. Are they okay?" and don't try to find out where they are or what they are doing. It's never a good sight when they have to tell you that your kid is in jail or with a boyfriend or something along those lines (which I doubt would happen to your kids).</p>
<p>Sorry, hit post too soon. Especially if you live in the area of the college and the other parents are from far away, and in a true emergency situation, you might be the adult called in to help the roommate (at least until parents are able to get there)?</p>
<p>I vote no on the e-mail especially if there is an RA. I'm not sure what a "true emergency" constitutes and not sure that a non-present roommate- parent is the best course of action in a "true emergency" anyway. I told my son that if he were leaving for a weekend or driving great distances from his college he was to make sure that someone in his suite knew where he was going and when he would be back. I don't particularly find it "restfull" to know my kids are roaring around the country so I instantly become more hands off when I can no longer control my kids for my own self preservation. I vote yes on food goodies one or two times during the term. I sent the "suite" Halloween cookies at Halloween, a study-nosh box of trail mix, granola bars, Emergen-C, popcorn and such the week before exams and a birthday cake for my son's birthday.</p>
<p>I've read through all the posts and have to say my initial reaction on reading the OP's question was the reverse of nearly everyone else's. </p>
<p>I would e-mail the parents. Just a friendly hello. Sure you might get a cold shoulder. In that case you don't continue. Most likely you'll get a cordial reply.</p>
<p>I wouldn't give the roommate any present, no matter how token. Too personal. Too kiddy-party like. Care packages sent to your child will undoubtedly be shared.</p>
<p>My son didn't have a roommate freshman year, but he did have two suitemates who 5 years later continue to be his best friends. Due to total clueless-ness he didn't contact them prior to arriving on campus.</p>
<p>I met their parents on move-in day and didn't see them again until graduation. They're wonderful people and had we lived closer I would have loved to spend some time with them. Over the years we'd occasionally exchange photos of our boys. They hosted my son on holidays and always offered support.</p>
<p>I collected e-mails and telephone number of my son's friends -- not because I was concerned about him -- but more because we live far away and worry about getting out of contact. I never used the contact numbers but I felt better having them.</p>