<p>I'm reading all these threads, and ALL the people who don't like to party/drink, and who are unhappy, also have some form of social anxiety. </p>
<p>It seems to me that the problem people are having is not - no ones here is like me - but really more I am shy and have a hard time talking to new people, and I perceive that many people are not like me (and in more ways than just being not shy), so that even if i did talk to them I probably wouldn't be compatible with them.</p>
<p>this is so sad. we need to help these people. send them pets or something.</p>
<p>i completely agree, and i’ve been trying to point this out to people since i started posting in this subforum.
but not everyone wants to, and other people embrace the way they are, so it’s not always successful.
i predict this thread will turn into one of those threads real quick.</p>
<p>Yeah, I noticed there is this surprisingly defensive backlash from some people when you come across too strong about how important friends are, which is along the lines of - you don’t need friends to be happy, not everyone like you needs other’s validation.</p>
<p>In most of these cases I’m seeing (which are people who want friends but are inhibited by social anxiety) I think supporting them and encouraging them to be more social is more helpful than telling them, or telling the others who are encouraging them, that you can be happy without friends, etc.</p>
<p>of course, that’s what i’m going for. but there will always be opinions from both camps and no one on this board can help an individual as much as the individual can. they take in the information and do what they will with it</p>
<p>I don’t really care to analyze people’s minds. I care for people to be happy. As I said:</p>
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<p>and, to clarify: I don’t mean send pets to everyone without friends; I only mean send them to the people without friends that are unhappy for that reason.</p>
<p>Having read some of your posts, I would say the fact that you find my posts annoying says more about you than it does about my posts. </p>
<p>anyway, for whatever odd reasons I take it as a compliment that you think I am even analyzing people’s minds, or could major in something so prestigious as
psychology.</p>
<p>In my opinion I would make a fair phycologist, but not a good enough one to justify doing it. That profession needs high standards I feel. And I feel I don’t meet those standards.</p>
<p>You can always tell which CCers are genuinely living the friends-abound, fun, college lifestyle from the ones’ who aren’t by the number of posts they make on this topic.</p>
<p>If I concede that you guys are the paradigm for humanity with your comfortable number of friends and riveting social life, will you finally stop making posts like these? Lol</p>
<p>lol wiscongene I have to say your assumptions are wrong this time :p.</p>
<p>I had NO good friends throughout hs due to social anxiety. ate lunch alone for the good part of 4 years, etc. Up until HS friends were my life, and it was kind of a shocking change for me.</p>
<p>Did I die without friends? Thankfully no. I avoided severe depression and things like that. And on the contrary I learned a lot of things that I don’t think I would have learned otherwise, discovered a lot of things, thought considerably, etc.</p>
<p>I would even say that when I had a lot of great friends they controlled me life in the sense that I was dependent on being with them for happiness. Which, imo, isn’t a great way to live or sustain yourself. </p>
<p>Having experienced both sides, it’s my opinion that good friends would benefit a large majority of people. and I mean good friends in the way that I defined on some other thread - someone who you are completely as ease around, and who you like, and who likes you back.</p>
<p>if someone says having no friends is sad long enough, if they say it enough times, then even if it isn’t for you or you don’t think it is, you might end up feeling sad because of it.</p>
<p>btw, wiscongene, I don’t think this thread really applies to you.</p>
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<p>I’m not trying to make anyone unsatisfied with how their life is. </p>
<p>I don’t want to send pets to people who would reject them because they wouldn’t want the other person to think they need a pet to comfort them when they don’t.</p>
<p>It seems you have a creepy obsession with other people’s lack of friends. Why do you care so much? What is it to you? </p>
<p>If one is happy with a friendless life, why do you feel so motivated to prove to them that they are truly not happy? What do you gain from it? </p>
<p>A person who is truly living “life” and out partying and socializing with their friends wouldn’t care about such trivial nonsense, as stated above.</p>
<p>Are you trolling? That’s the only conclusion I can logically come to.</p>
<p>these threads that have to do with relationships and social life tend to get responses from other people. they range from “you should get out there more!” to “you can do fine without friends!” and the OP’s point was that some people are stuck in between who shouldn’t be.</p>
<p>^ And how is this thread helpful? OP starts the thread with a sweeping generalization: </p>
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<p>Emphasis placed on the use of the word “All”. </p>
<p>Those users making those threads have legitimate questions, and OP can either choose to answer them or dismiss them. But, OP instead created a thread by generalizing and then closing with: </p>
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<p>OP portrays the people they are describing as if they have a horrid disease. This is offensive and borderline ■■■■■■■■, if not clear ■■■■■■■■. </p>
<p>Did OP really think all of the people they are supposedly trying to help will magically take heed of their “advice” and either overcome their shyness or start befriending people? I doubt that. This was an attempt to ridicule people who are friendless, either by circumstance or by preference, the OP believing the latter never happens evidenced by their argument in an earlier thread by comparing it to homelessness.</p>
<p>You have not read my posts carefully. I have repeatedly clarified that that is not how I feel. I am not in any way trying to insinuate that friendless but happy people are really deep down unhappy.</p>
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<p>I do not believe I am describing them that way. I do not think that is a logical inference.</p>
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<p>I think being supporting and encouraging of people who want to have friends but don’t is probably better than helping them be satisfied without having them. Seems like many people come here for sympathy and advice. Even if people’s responses won’t solve their problems, they might make them feel better, which I would argue indirectly addresses the problem.</p>
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<p>I was certainly not trying to ridicule anybody. </p>
<p>Actually I said the latter does happen - I acknowledged many times there are people who are friendless by preference, and for who that is a perfectly sustainable way of living. </p>
<p>I am not addressing those people.</p>
<p>I find it kind of sad when the threads of the people who post about friendlessness and how its a problem for them are turned into arguments about the importance of friends. Clearly friends are important to them, and it is their thread, so I think it would be kind to be understanding of that.</p>
<p>Point of the thread was to point out what seems to be at the bottom of the social problems people are posting about - social anxiety.</p>
<p>Why did I feel like this deserved to be pointed out? Well, it seems like people have a tendency to underestimate the role of social anxiety in their friendlessness - instead believing things like their incompatibility with others is the major cause, when in reality they are incompatible only in so far as they have anxiety around new people.</p>
<p>It’s very easy to understand physiologically why this self deception occurs. When you have social anxiety you are more likely to see people intimidating, as people you wouldn’t want to be friends with, and then guess what - if you see them as someone you wouldn’t be friends with well that’s good for you because then you don’t have to feel bad about not interacting with them, etc. So you can see why this happens.</p>
<p>And I think this can dangerous to the person, to believe that other things about you besides the fact that you are shy around new people, which is a more trivial thing, is the cause of you not being able to make new friends.</p>
<p>It’s temping (but not always accurate) to correlate big deficits (like having no friends) with equally large personal deficits.</p>