One of my worst essays ever needs help

<p>It really isn't great, but I kind of like the gist of it so I want to know if it will work. It might possibly be my common app essay. Brutal criticism is needed as well as what I did right. I'm also a tad worried about some of the content, which may be too dark.</p>

<p>Send it over.</p>

<p>Anybody else?</p>

<p>me? i’ll read it and give some feedback</p>

<p>Send it over</p>