<p>What is the one piece of advice that you would give to parents of freshman?</p>
<p>I assume you mean Freshman in college, right? In that case, my advice is:</p>
<p>Let them go! It’s time for them to spread their wings and figure out life on their own. Don’t be hovering!</p>
<p>The one piece of advice I have regards when they call. It’s three parts:
- Be happy when they call. Be engaged with your life without them, tell them how glad you are to hear from them, but keep your sadness about them being gone to yourself. Have things to talk about. Be interesting.
- Employ the “24 Hour Rule.” The 24 hour rule states that anytime your child calls saying they absolutely hate their roommate, school, professor, life, etc, that you wait a minimum of 24 hours before you start worrying about the problem. It can be anything, really, kids tend to call and make you think their life is going to he_ _ in a hand basket and that you need to help them NOW. In all actuality, as soon as they dump on you and hang up the phone, they have likely stopped worrying about whatever they were complaining about. If you inquire about it later, they will think you are crazy and wonder why you were so worried.
- If you do not text now, learn. These kids will NOT be picking up your calls every time they see your number. They are unlikely to listen to voice mails, which they consider to be an archaic time waster. A simple text letting them know to give you a call back when convenient usually brings better results. </p>
<p>Enjoy their independence… if they are thriving and happy without you, then you did a great job raising them.</p>
<p>bessie, your 24 hour rule is spot on!</p>
<p>How true, Bessie! D1 would call home with some deeply disturbing problem, all upset. I wouldn’t sleep all night because I was upset and worried. I would call her the next day and she would have resolved her problem 10 minutes after she called me and had a great night! Of course, they NEVER call to tell you all was resolved!</p>
<p>Bessie, great list! I have taught myself to text (fast and regularly) the last few months in preparation for my son heading off in a few shorts weeks. It is definitely this generation’s favorite method of communication. If you can’t beat them, join them 
still working on getting my husband to realize the benefits of using them though!</p>
<p>Learn to IM too! D would talk forever on IM, but phone calls were short.</p>
<p>HA! When I was nursing my first daughter I had a 24 hour rule! If we were having nursing “problems”, and we had many, I would not give up and give her a bottle unless I still had the problem 24 hours later. I figured it wasn’t fair to her to give up because I was frustrated. It worked wonderfully. In every instance the problem had worked itself out in 24 hours. </p>
<p>I never imagined I would need that rule again… Great Advice bessie!</p>
<p>If you haven’t already learned this rule, now’s the time: Listen with your mouth shut! I don’t text because my ancient (what, maybe 4+ years old?) cell phone doesn’t do that. When D calls, (and yes, she does call, and even picks up the phone when she sees our #) I listen, listen, listen. D had so much to say freshman year since it was all new, but she would have clammed up pretty fast if I’d kept interrupting with questions and/or advice. She’s almost always able to sort things out on her own, which is the way it should be.</p>
<p>I told my D to remember the reason that she is in college for. She did not need to be reminded, but she was not insulted by my note, knowing that we fully support her. I told her that the most important reason for our family to send her to college is for her to gain an ability to support herself and be independent. The other reasons that might be a priority for others are secondary in our books. So, whatever is your #1 reason to send your child to college, I would remind your student to keep it in mind.</p>
<p>Review your cell phone service and make sure that you have some sort of plan for message units so that you are not paying for each text message sent or received. This is how kids communicate at college, even if its to see if the person in the room next door is ready to go eat. There will be pages and pages of text messages–don’t let that first phone bill be a surprise!</p>
<p>Recognize that your child is an adult, welcome they’re living independently of you, and celebrate your new freedom by establishing stronger ties with your friends and spouse and by doing some fun things that you put off during your child rearing years.</p>
<p>Instead of sitting by the computer/phone waiting for updates from your kid, dive into living your own life while you still have the energy, time and health to enjoy doing some of the things that you’d delayed doing.</p>
<p>I’m going to agree with mizzou-mom here.</p>
<p>Also, if you weaponize your love (guilt-tripping your kid about how much money you are paying, yanking the rug out from under them financially because you are angry about something after having promised to pay their way, using emotional blackmail to change your kid’s major, etc), your kid may weaponize it right back (by refusing to speak to you, etc), and you can both end up losing or damaging a treasured relationship. Best to avoid it. I know this piece of advice is probably <em>asking</em> for flames on this board, but I saw this scenario played out so many times as an undergrad.</p>
<p>When my D1 first went off to college 10 hours away, she had quite an adjustment to find I wasn’t there to help her with her problems. She would call me and ask if she should drop this course, add that course and I would always tell her to go ask her advisor, RA, whomever was the appropriate go to person. Now she doesn’t call me with these kinds of things anymore…she goes straight to whomever she needs to and handles them herself! I hear about them after the fact! Success! In one area, at least!</p>
<p>great advice.</p>
<p>although it might be useless (!)
the number one health problem (OK ignoring binge drinking in freshmen and risky sexuality)..the number one health problem in our experience was *destroyed sleep cycles *by a world in this generation Wired to Socialize 24 hours a day, relentless socializing. Addictive socializing..Virtual Socializing. Not only are they “up” on the doings of their entire hall, not only do they have to sleep while their suite mates are on cell phones and FACEBOOK, not only is there a guy next door actually talking to his high school GF nightly on videocam before anyone can go to sleep…but they know what someone they went to camp with four years ago is doing that night in their college, and what everyone they knew in high school is doing that night..with photos.</p>
<p>your high achieving son or daughter who worked till 11pm to maintain their HS GPRs after returning home from sports practices, and who valiantly rose daily at 6:30 am to arrive at Orchestra before school started, and generally lived as if they were forty years old, with no free time and had a full time job, trying to please twenty adults a day in your home town…
this same virtous son or daughter…has NO IDEA that they can’t actually upload calculus and Spanish to their 18 year old brains on four hours of sleep a day…ie asleep at 2:30-3am after their third hour on Facebook and texting new friends and old friends…night after night after night.
My son learned he had to go to bed and rise on a cycle that made sense after mono, dropping a course and an entire semester of Fuzzy Brain recovery from the mono. Hard lesson. He is not a genius and has to study to learn, and that requires brain cells that are not in a state of sleep deprivation. He really did read up on sleep hygiene and alter his entire diet and sleep cycle AFTER blowing it. Live and Learn, yes, but it wouldn’t hurt to talk to your S or D about their particular sleep style and needs (night owl, grumpy morning person, early starter, early riser…different profiles)…everyone is different but no matter who you are you will need to sleep in some routine to learn complex material.</p>
<p>As a college student, my parents don’t (usually) call me - I call them. I makes me feel better that I can call when I have time and it isn’t a hassle for me to pick up their call or feel bad if I just ignore it. Also eliminates awkward calling times - at a party, in class, etc. We just made it kind of a policy before I left for school. And if I get busy and haven’t called in awhile, one of my parents will text me to say how are you, etc and I know that I should call them soon (even if for just a little bit).</p>
<p>The 24 hour rule sounds good too. Also keep in mind that when they are telling you something, it might not be the whole story. You are just getting a snippet of their life in that moment, not the whole saga of why things started, or other points of view like you did when they lived at home with you in high school.</p>
<p>Just a note: there are awkward calling times for parents too. When they are, for example, teaching a class, presenting at a meeting, talking to a client, merging on I-4, or attending a party (lol), etc. We also feel guilty if we can’t respond right away and don’t want our kids to feel ignored. Text messaging is a great idea.</p>
<p>Quickredfox, it is funny because as time has gone on, I don’t always drop everything when my daughter calls. Her nose gets so out of joint if I say that I’d love to talk longer but I have dinner to make, younger siblings to run places, etc. and have to go! She doesn’t like it when it is an inconvenient time for me!</p>
<p>Chello, are you from Tampa? “Merging on I-4”!!! I hate merging onto I-4 and always put the phone down.</p>
<p>Threekids,
As an ER RN, I am compelled to say,</p>
<p>‘Get a hands-free device’!!!</p>