<p>You are getting good advice here. I just wanted to add my voice to those saying hang in there and I’m sorry it feels so difficult and lonely right now. I’m glad you are getting professional help. I’m sure you will find relief in a combination of meds and talk therapy, but it can take some time.</p>
<p>FM - I have depression, also. Our only child is in her 2nd year of college. I knew what was coming, so was already in therapy by spring of her Junior year of high school. It DID really help. I have been on meds for a long time.
Also - I am in Maryland - and like you - have some dark, dreary months during the winter. A full-spectrum light has changed my life - seriously. I use it from September - March. My doctor recommended it. I purchased it on-line from Northern Light Technologies. It’s called light therapy.
See your doctor, for sure. Maybe some therapy and a little increase (or change) in your meds. Maybe a light for next year.
PM me anytime. I know what you feel like.
My mom attempted suicide once. My brother attempted it twice. My grandmother attempted it at least once. None were successful. My great-grandfather WAS successful. Depression sucks.</p>
<p>Also - menopause sucks. I go through times when I cry all the time. Like 4 times in one evening. Crazy hormones…</p>
<p>Well I’m only a sophomore in high school, so I’m a little young to be giving advice about having children go away.
However, I suffer from depression just like you. In fact, the reason why this thread caught my attention was because I’ve currently been going through a week-long depressive episode, which is no fun. But let me tell you that the reason why depression is so hard to deal with is because it takes the thing you’re worrying about most and makes it into something that seems worse than it really is. Even if your daughter wasn’t going away to college, depression would still find a way to get to you about something else. So just take some time to cry it out and re-balance those hormones. I like to think of the sadness in my head as little baby toxins and when you cry, they come out and disappear for good. It sounds silly but there’s a great feeling of release when you think that way because you can feel yourself getting better, if that makes sense. Also remember that depression makes us do stupid things to the people we love so learn to think rationally and don’t let your negative thoughts affect your actions. There have been numerous times when I have said hurtful things to my boyfriend because my depression convinced me that he was some sort of monster when in reality his compassion/patience is endless and I end up regretting everything I do to harm him. I like to say that everyone has bad thoughts, but it’s how you choose to act upon those thoughts that makes you who you are. Finally, you probably don’t realize it yet because you’re upset, but know that there are ways to cope. Make sure your daughter calls/texts/Skypes you regularly so you can feel closer to her. Also get active to distract yourself from bad thoughts. Make a date night with your husband, go out and play some tennis, go for a swim, etc. Hope this helps a little and I hope you don’t mind getting advice from a little baby sophomore. ^^;</p>
<p>Oh and by the way, you’re most likely feeling so upset because you just got back from a great time in Italy. I know that sounds a little silly but from what I’ve noticed about depression, if you go through long periods of uninterrupted happiness, you’ll go through another period of sadness (and vice versa). Just keep that in mind and know that it will pass. The reason why I’m at this sad stage myself is because I just got back from an amazing vacation in San Diego. It was so incredible that my depression needed some air when I got back, haha.
Also another thing: consider your depression like an animal, like a cat or a dog. That way when you’re sad instead of saying “I’m depressed, I wanna die, etc.” you can say “My little dog has been whining today.” You can even name it (something silly like ‘Rover’ or ‘Fido’) to make it seem personal. It’s yet another silly idea but just from my own experience once you sort of make your depression into a joke, you feel better about it and in this way people can share the joke with you. (ex; if you’re feeling noticeably upset, your husband can jokingly say ‘is Rover bugging you today?’)</p>
<p>Oh Fauxmaven! I’m sorry your sadness has persisted. I like the idea of keeping busy with subbing and hospital work. I like the idea of adding another pet, since that helps moods whether it’s depression or menopause. I like how you’ve added some antidepressants and consider this could be more than “empty nest” syndrome.</p>
<p>I suspect what you really need is a new passion. Your focus before was totally on your four kids. While you were busy with them, did anything come up that you used to say, “I wish I could do that except I’m too busy”? How about taking a class? How about organizing a book club? How about working fulltime? I know you’re subbing, which gets you out of the house, but maybe that’s not enough. You’re a smart woman, and I think you’re not being intellectually challenged. (Subbing, I know, is more about keeping the class managed than it is about teaching.) </p>
<p>The other idea that I don’t see you mention is a visit with your kids. Are they all in college? Can you plan a short trip to see one or two or three of them? Having something that requires you to plan ahead is always good for the soul. Go up to Cambridge (or wherever) just for the weekend and take out your daughter and a few friends to dinner and go shopping. Of course, by now it’s too late in their school year for these excursions, but make plans to do something special nonetheless and do this in the fall.</p>
<p>Plus, get some vitamin D. Winter time is miserable because we don’t get out often enough. Now that the weather has started to improve, be sure to get some sunshine and some exercise.</p>
<p>Aerobug - great post!!! Nice to hear the younger generation chiming in! :)</p>
<p>oh, fauxmaven. </p>
<p>If the word suicide has even come into your mind, you need immediate help. My mom committed suicide when i was in college, after a long bout with bipolar depression… and just recently a fairly close cousin of mine killed himself. i cry when i try to imagine how anyone could just be so down that they would consider ending it all… </p>
<p>do the things you love doing - the things you enjoyed doing before you got depressed. if that means sitting around all day in your robe watching The View, feet elevated, then so be it. Please, please take care of yourself and think of your loved ones. and know you’re not alone. I may be a CC “noob” but I see this forum as a great support system.</p>
<p>Cyber hugs to you! Hope you are getting top notch professional help you need! </p>
<p>Have you and your H ever thought of taking up golf? That is something you and he can participate in, together! I know lots of empty nesters who play golf, own a boat, play tennis, go to flea markets/antique shows & so on.</p>
<p>Great ideas from all .I am seeing my kids more than most .Son #2 lives an hour away ,and I am setting up a weekly brunch .D comes home from college once a month for adjustments on new braces ,which is great .Saw Cincinnati son last month for his 21rst birthday (spent a 3 day weekend) Oldest ,the one with China prison stint (remember him ? ) is living in California and doing something ( I pray it is legal !! ) We just booked a trip to Cleveland in August on the Amtrak which sounds exciting (haven’t done that ) to see Son #3 .D comes home from school for 4 days ,then is off to summer in Sweden for the whole summer ,except this summer she got a Rockefeller grant to pay for her trip .She is interested in WOOFing and sustainable agriculture .Thinking about a dog .Went to meeting about becoming foster parents ,but decided it was not for me .Someone mentioned a Ragdoll kitty …looked it up -they are very cute ,but H is allergic to cats . Have done talk therapy on and off most of my adult life .Dad is a retired shrink .</p>
<p>FM-- echoing everyone elses support and good advice. Noticed in your earlier posts that you volunteer in pedi er “nights” – is this evening time or overnight. Lots of data out there that overnight shift work really messes with sleep and consequently mood – something to think about if you are up all night. Whether it’s eves. or nights that you are there – a big thank you for doing that for little ones, having been there with my own its scary for all and volunteers are wonderful!</p>