<p>Any onlies out there? My son will be sharing a room for the first time ever this fall. Any stories, suggestions for making the transition?</p>
<p>my daughter is an only child, but fortunately we sent her to sleepaway camp for years (she still works there). One of our motivations for sending her was so that she got used to sharing a small space with other people. Has your son gone away to any programs where he has had to share space? If so, the adjustment may be easier than you anticipate.
Otherwise I would just talk to him about issues that may come up!</p>
<p>My only child loves having people his age around 24/7 instead of his geezer parents. I subscribe to the theory that onlies are adaptable, not the opposite. It helps that he and his roommate (now starting year 3 of living together) have similar habits. IMO personality trumps birth order when it comes to being a compatible roommate.</p>
<p>Same here geezermom… my only was away half the summer, LOVED having a roommate, says she looks forward to having one in college. Her two friends, neither one an only child, hate the idea. My husband is an only child also and he is much more adaptable than I am-- growing up in a big family I became territorial, whereas he’s just happy to have people around. But I do think personality is a big part of it. bbyago, Is your son comfortable with the idea of having a roommate?</p>
<p>I don’t think in this day and age that many kids share rooms at home. It was common when I was growing up but not for my son’s generation. He is an only child but out of all of his friends only 1 shares a room with his brother. The rest all have their own rooms. </p>
<p>If you son is willing to compromise I think he will be fine.</p>
<p>my only child d is also a much easier roommate than I ever was coming from a family of four girls! So I guess it probably is mostly temperament!</p>
<p>Get your kid a copy of The Naked Roommate. Funny, down to earth guide to college life.
Also, make sure kid knows that he/she can get out of a bad situation – it is appropriate to trust one’s instincts. Sure, a little adjustment (or a lot of adjustment) is necessary – but no student should have to tolerate a thief, a psychopath, an emotionally volatile or other wise “off the deep end” roommate. Sometimes “only” kids are super tolerant and are so eager to be helpful that they don’t know how to set boundaries.</p>
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<p>I got my only child a copy of this. Surprisingly, he read it cover to cover. He is actually going to be rooming with one of his best friends but I do worry. It’s not just sharing a room that could be an issue - it’s sharing anything and the ‘noise’ factor. As an only child, he’s never had to fight for any household resources and our household has been fairly quiet. </p>
<p>Still, he says he’s really looking forward to having a roommate and scoffed at the idea of being in a single. </p>
<p>We shall see. I think it will be a good experience for him one way or another.</p>
<p>quote: Sometimes “only” kids are super tolerant and are so eager to be helpful that they don’t know how to set boundaries. /quote </p>
<p>Olymom that is so true with mine, and I never quite saw it as being an only child thing but of course that makes perfect sense. It can be a great quality but she gets taken advantage of so easily!</p>
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<p>I tend to agree with this. If you don’t have experience with needing to set boundaries, it won’t necessarily come easy. I can see this with my son.</p>
<p>Thanks for all your replies! The comments about setting boundries were interesting. I guess as only’s (me included) we don’t have a lot of experience with that but I never really thought about it. My husband comes from a big family and has no problem guarding his territory, while S and I just think it’s silly… Never too old to learn, I guess!</p>
<p>My kids are 5 years apart, so for all intense purpose they are only child. We got her a single first year, but since then she’s had roommates. D1 had a real problem with noise initially. We got her a Bose noise cancellation earphone. She would sleep with it on sometimes. Girls like to share clothes and jewelry, but D1 just said no from day one. Her best friend at school also won’t share her stuff, so they became roommates. Match made in heaven.</p>
<p>I was one of 7 and I have an only. Both of us need space, so I think a lot of it is personality. He has traveled two times with a close friend in a situation where they were together extensively for 3 weeks. Both times they had to take a breather from each other when they returned home. With a roommate, it will be difficult to get away. But, I think it is a very important part of his college education and am glad that his school does not have the option of singles for freshmen. </p>
<p>From comments that he has made, I think he has a pretty good attitude about this new experience. He has had very little communication with the soon-to-be roommate (a FB comment sounded like he is in Mexico) which is making it difficult to coordinate room stuff but I am sure that they will work something out. Even a year ago, I would have had my doubts that S could handle things well but this past year he seems to have changed so much. </p>
<p>I did buy Naked Roommate to give to one of his friends but ended up giving that friend something else so I guess that I should give it to son. And, I will make sure that he takes the noise canceling headphones; he used to complain about sharing a room with a cousin during the holidays. Cousin smacked his lips in his sleep!</p>
<p>I think one thing about a roommate is-- it is usually NOT a close friend. If it’s a person you can negotiate some mutual accommodation with, its golden. It’s when you are close friends and together all the time that you rub each other raw… D really saw this, this summer-- roommate had friends in, they weren’t D’s friends, D had no problem going to sleep. Sometimes D and roomie had good talks just because they DIDN’T have the same circle of friends. It was easy for them to be friendly because they didn’t need to depend on that friendship.</p>
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I got a copy of that when I started college. Rented it from the library about 10 times over the year – best book about dorm life!</p>
<p>I have a sister, but I’ve never lived with her. Guess you could consider me an only child, then! There’s one huge thing that occurred to me while living with a roommate: my roommate questionnaire barely fit what I’m really like. If your son has never shared a room with someone before, he probably doesn’t know exactly how he feels about having the roommate do stuff while he’s sleeping/overnight guests/sharing items/what to keep the temperature at/etc. And, quite frankly, there’s no way he’s going to know the answers to all of that until a month or two in. [For example, I told my first roommate that I was totally fine with her studying or whatever while I slept. It wasn’t until that first night that I realized how weird I felt getting into bed while she was still fully dressed and working. Very minor thing that I got over quickly, but I hadn’t expected that kind of reaction in me.]</p>
<p>ours had his room off the family/tv room. His door was always open. He hates quite and heard everything mommy and daddy talked and argued about. He had triples in college and then only saw his rmates in class and study sessions even though they had the same majors. They all had different interests but they are his best friends. Today at 25, he lives in a shared housing. Calls home mostly when he’s ‘home alone’ in this house of six.</p>
<p>Too late for the OP, but sending the kid off to summer camps (a few weeks away from home) may do the trick. Then again, we humans are adaptable.</p>
<p>^^ I second the above. D was away 5 weeks this summer in a dorm and it was just a perfect college test drive. Life away from home, life with a roommate, laundry, ATM machines…it has wiped some percent of the stress away. (Now we just have the stress of finding and being admitted to some good choices, haha. Still, knowing the territory is so helpful.)</p>
<p>We have a tendency to think that other families are like our own (after all, that’s what we’ve lived for many years). Alas, if you come from a loving family, you may have no concept, whatsoever, of what it is to be in a manipulative or abusive relationship – and really no idea of how to “fix” things (short answer: you can’t!)</p>
<p>I really liked “Emotional Blackmail” by Susan Forward. It’s a short, easy read. Even if none of the profiles fit your own life, you can certainly become aware of how some people use anger or approval to get their way. I have shared the book with one of my kids and need to share it with the younger one. A little awareness is a good thing.</p>
<p>I have an only child. He lived with a roomie for at least three weeks every summer since 7th grade, and never had a problem with any of them. He did not like his freshman year suitemate, but I don’t think there was any actual conflict. Luckily they each had a tiny bedroom of their own.</p>