opinions on this essay? Great or too scattered?

College Essays
1

<p>I dream in color – vivid, Technicolor dreams, and I don’t take no for an answer when it comes to realizing them. I appreciate the empty space between stanzas the way nobody but a poet can, and I am not willing to watch life pass me by. I scrutinize everything so as to never miss even the smallest of miracles.</p>

<p>I wear whatever I want to wear, not the in-one-second-and-out-the-next-I-paid-enough-money- for-this-to-feed-a-small-underdeveloped-nation clothing that everyone around me seems to wear, and I’ve actually had someone approach me just to say, “Look, I’m wearing an Olga hat,” when I barely knew her name.</p>

<p>I don’t throw things away, and I can still remember the phone number of my second grade best friend that I haven’t actually spoken to in seven years. I wear kids’ sweatshirts and many of my poems are about the loss of innocence, though they don’t usually start out that way.</p>

<p>I know that creativity doesn’t really grow on trees, but I like to spread and water its seeds whenever I can spot them. I think that there is no greater waste than an underdeveloped mind and I will never stop learning.</p>

<p>The minutest thing can make my day and if a stranger smiles at me – a genuine, heartfelt smile - I will feel elated for at least an hour afterward. I love big cities and the rush of people because the warmth of unknown bodies permeates even through their cold demeanors, and I feel at home when I am in the middle of it all. I crave change and my hair has gone from brown to auburn to dark brown to blonde over the course of two years.</p>

<p>My heart breaks when my mother tells me of how in Russia a little boy stole her only strawberry, and some mean boys took my father’s collection of gum. I think the real story of “The Little Mermaid” is extremely depressing, and I almost wish that I had never heard it. I cry in movies more than I should because I am the heartbroken character one second and that other happy character the next. </p>

<p>I believe that everything that was meant to happen will happen, and it is merely my job to live my life the best I can. I would say I’m doing pretty well, but maybe I’m biased. I am a walking contradiction. Left-brain, right-brain – I don’t discriminate; I love the whole brain. I believe that whoever said mathematics and English don’t mix, never realized that mathematics is actually a language – a universal one at that.</p>

<p>I am so much and so little and after seventeen years of searching – two years in Russia, nine years of Brooklyn and six years of Tenafly – I hope that I have found my perfect fit. Whatever happens, I say there are no mistakes in life, only alternate routes.</p>

<p>I got it from Essays</a> That Matter: Olga Rukovets - Office of Undergraduate Admissions - Tufts University. I would like to write an essay in this style but everyone recommends people don't write "list" essays.</p>

2

<p>If its an awesome essay (like this one) then nobody will give a crap about it being a ‘list’. I really doubt an admissions officer would look at this and go “it’s a beautiful essay, but I’m going to deny you because you made it a list”. Its artistic merit overrides anything your english teacher may have told you about essay structure.</p>

3

<p>I’m not a huge fan of this essay, to be honest.</p>

<p>In the end, it comes down to the particular adcom that gets your file, and what they think of it. Certain essays will resonate with certain people, and I would argue that ‘unique’ essays exemplify that even more.</p>

4

<p>Speechie, why do you dislike it?</p>

5

<p>I didn’t like this essay much, either. I know you’re supposed to promote yourself, but this is just a list describing how the author feels about various things, and how that makes her awesome. Frankly, those same opinions can be found in many, many people. Who doesn’t enjoy being smiled at? And how many of us honestly spend a thousand dollars a week on clothing? The only paragraph that really makes me interested in the author is the seventh, where she starts expressing a worldview that distinguishes her from the rest of the population. </p>

<p>Instead of talking about what you believe, you should talk about WHY you believe it. I would be much more interested in hearing the stories of her mother and father, what she learned from a life spent traveling, or even why the Little Mermaid made her so sad.</p>

<p>But I’m just a high school student. Judge for yourself whether or not you can pull off this type of essay, and good luck to you.</p>

6

<p>I don’t like the essay at all. It seems to be a collection of random, boring facts about the author. It looks like something the writer threw together at the last minute.</p>

<p>I’d have found the essay to be interesting if the writer had honed in on this part: “I am so much and so little and after seventeen years of searching – two years in Russia, nine years of Brooklyn and six years of Tenafly – I hope that I have found my perfect fit”</p>

<p>If this is what Tufts likes from prospective students, I guess I wouldn’t have been happy at that college.</p>

7

<p>this essay would have taken my five minutes to write. it’s not good at all and there’s obviously no real effort in it. furthermore, it says nothing about the applicant as a person.</p>

<p>she likes to die her hair, doesn’t find it necessary to spend money on clothes, and like being smiled at?</p>

<p>like someone said earlier, who doesn’t?</p>

<p>but furthermore… this means i should accept you to my college why?</p>

8

<p>Wow I guess I’m not going to take that approach then. I thought it was really sincere and poetic but you guys all seem to hate this essay with a passion. </p>

<p>“but furthermore… this means i should accept you to my college why?”</p>

<p>Plenty of people talk about their sneaker collections or cleaning their cars. Why should a person be admitted as an engineering major because of her passion for the oboe? What are considered to be the best essays are often written on mundane topics.</p>

9

<p>@ eurlerschest
“What are considered to be the best essays are often written on mundane topics.”
I agree wholeheartedly, however, the difference between successful essays written on mundane topics and this essay is that the successful ones link their mundane topic to why this is beneficial for the college or why the college would be perfect for them.</p>

<p>this essay does not do that.</p>

10

<p>I like the essay its seems simply and sweet and geniune</p>

11

<p>It’s creative, but not particularly well-written.
The essay is very, very scattered. I don’t like lists simply because they don’t showcase the person’s ability to formulate a written argument.</p>

12

<p>When reading an essay, I want to want to finish it, if that makes sense. This essay didn’t leave me with that feeling. I had to push myself to get through it. I wanted it to grab me. I didn’t.</p>

13

<p>“I agree wholeheartedly, however, the difference between successful essays written on mundane topics and this essay is that the successful ones link their mundane topic to why this is beneficial for the college or why the college would be perfect for them.”</p>

<p>I agree. Successful essays written on mundane topics are able to, as William Blake said:</p>

<p>“To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower”</p>

<p>The essays accomplish that due to the writer’s putting the time and thought into doing so. The writer doesn’t do what the Tuft’s essay writer did: just throw out a lot of trivia and expect the reader to draw some profound conclusion from it.</p>

14

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<p>I completely disagree. The last thing a college essay should do is link the author’s mundane topic to why the applicant and college are a perfect fit–far better to do as the author did and paint a picture of her personality and let the reader feel the fit. I think the primary purpose of the application essay is to impart info about the applicant that cannot be gleaned from any other part of the application–the more, the better. I think a “list” is pretty risky but the Tufts essay’s author’s list is cohesive in that it’s all representative of the heart and mind of the author and it flows poetically.</p>

15

<p>^But the problem is she doesn’t write well. It would be poetic if some of the syntax wasn’t so awkward, or if the sentences in each paragraph had some connection to each other, or if it flowed. The structure of the essay is a nice way to be creative but she simply doesn’t execute it well. Look how awkward the last sentence is - “alternate routes”. Things like “I will feel elated for at least an hour afterward.” and “I crave change and my hair has gone from brown to auburn to dark brown to blonde over the course of two years.” just demonstrate the real lack of her skill to pull this off; it takes a good writer. That and there’s not an “insight” in there that’s not a cliche.</p>

<p>What can you say about her after reading this? That she’s… mavericky?</p>

16

<p>" The last thing a college essay should do is link the author’s mundane topic to why the applicant and college are a perfect fit–far better to do as the author did and paint a picture of her personality and let the reader feel the fit."</p>

<p>What picture of her personality does her essay essay paint for you?</p>

<p>To me, the essay paints the picture of a superficial, self absorbed, overly emotional, lazy nitwit. Obviously, though, my reaction must differ from that of Tufts’ adcoms or they wouldn’t have used her essay as an example, so what’s your view of the writer’s personality.</p>

17

<p>i agree with northstar. </p>

<p>all this essay does is tell me that the author is a human. someone who likes changing their hair color and likes being smiled at. it doesn’t show she’s special or give insight on her personality.</p>

<p>and i still think that while showing what kind of person you are it is beneficial to talk about traits that are wanted at a prestigious college. i.e. ambition</p>

18

<p>I didn’t like this essay at all. It is all over the place…at least for me. It seems like the writer/author seems to think or assume that he or she is “unique” or “different” and feels the need to list all the way in which they think they are. I would have much rather learned about one aspect of them that gives me more details about how they think instead of reading about how they think they are.</p>

<p>my favorite “creative” essay by far has been the one linked below:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/834736-did-dean-admissions-cross-boundaries-im-too-strict.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/834736-did-dean-admissions-cross-boundaries-im-too-strict.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

19

<p>Liek, that essay is great :slight_smile: It’s probably impossible to deny him after that. However, it’s a response to a different prompt. </p>

<p>This is the prompt for Tufts:
“Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests, and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Do you surf or tinker? Are you a vegetarian poet who loves Ayn Rand? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes? Are you preppie or Goth? Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the Class of 2014?”</p>

<p>Sorry for not showing it earlier.</p>

20

<p>oh well now that we have the prompt that changes everything.</p>

<p>i no longer think this essay is terrible but i still don’t think it’s great, or even very good.</p>