I come to CC to feel involved in the admissions process vicariously since it’s not happening at home. I wish she wanted my input on all things college related but no. When I’m feeling reasonable, I know she’ll get into the college she deserves without my help. From learning to ride a bike to middle school science fair projects to now, she’s always been a “do it myself” kinda kid. You’d think I’d be used to it by now…
Lots of administraty and parenty stuff here too, Slackermom (love your handle!). I get called in when D needs to pay an APP fee or test score fee. H is very hands-off-he thinks I’m too involved even with what little I’m doing. D did ask me to make her a spreadsheet with deadlines, and she copied it to a large whiteboard she has and keeps in her room.
Palm-D has always been “I’ve got this”. Her sister was more like “Get out of my life, but can you please take me to the mall?” (Great book, btw). VERY different reasons for my not being as involved as I’m tempted to be.
We did of course set financial parameters from the beginning. Both H and I also added certain concerns (and older D’s dad in that case), which were listened to. So far, younger D has been as proactive as promised, so we’re ok with what she’s doing.
I think it varies. My older son just hates to write and really hated writing about himself. He procrastinated in every way possible. When he wrote a program combining various sample essays from the web we had a good laugh and then both realized this could actually provide a lead into revealing who he was. He ended up with a pretty good for an engineer essay.
Younger son had a much better idea of what was involved. We brainstormed a lot of essay ideas at the dining room table. (With most of our suggestions shot down.) Eventually he tried a few essays. He talked to his AP Euro teacher who he trusted for good advice and to us. At least one of the final essays was on a topic he was sure wouldn’t work, but he found a way to really show his intellect. It was much better than any essay I could have written!
As I recall the activities lists the Common Application wanted filled out did not always work that well with what they had done, so there was some joint discussion about the best way to bundle activities, awards and positions to look as good as possible.
I also spent time on CC to keep out of my kids’ hair.
We’ve been pretty hands off, but there was an email from his GC saying that everything was sent and that first choice (which he is visiting as I type this) has and EA deadline of 11/1. I’ll nudge him to press the button when he gets back home. He’s been saying for a while that the applications were pretty much done.
My opinion is that you should proofread his apps, unless he is completely opposed. Kids don’t always recognize when they are not communicating clearly or putting something in a good/bad light. And a second set of eyes for typos or formatting errors alone is worthwhile.
College admissions is a very complex and expensive process these days. I don’t think most 17 year olds are equipped to handle all that themselves. And it is likely YOUR money being spent. Mistakes cost you, not just him.
I certainly discussed schools, money , went on visits - things like that.
I never looked at applications and did not read essays. I think my daughter is much smarter than me and I doubt I would have been much help
Somebody needs to proofread the essays. It doesn’t have to be the parent, but it’s just too easy not to see typos in work you’ve written yourself. Tufts’ essay instructions, at least the year my son applied, were to have someone else you trusted to look at the essay before sending it off.
I haven’t seen my D’s common app or her common app essay. I know one of her English teachers has been working with her on it and I don’t want to interfere. This teacher has also volunteered to proof the one supplement essay that D has due soon so I expect not to look at that one also. But, D is also applying to several schools that are not common app. One had three short questions, another has two essays. I am looking at these because I think someone needs to proofread them.
I am more involved in the planning. D decided to apply to most of her schools early. This has put a lot of pressure on the past couple months and I’ve been trying to help her with organization. Two rolling apps have been submitted already and the first acceptance is in. Two apps that are due on Nov 1 are going out this weekend (fingers crossed) and the two due on Nov 15 will be out next weekend. Then she can breathe for awhile.
I stay as hands off as possible. The high school has one person (for a class of 60) that is doing nothing but reviewing their essays at this point.
I’ve gotten involved only when my kid had an issue (still not cleared up) in getting thru the admissions process at his safety school (our instate flagship). He’s tried very hard multiple times to solve the issue on his own. I made an anonymous call to the admissions office one day to ask for advice. Basically they are holding up his admission until a semester-long college class is done in January. The college that is letting him take the class has a program organizer that is writing a letter to the state flagship to discuss the program which will hopefully get the flagship admissions office over their bizarre hurdle. But my son has only asked for advice on how to solve the problem after trying hard to do it himself. I won’t fully step in until he asks - because frankly we know he will get in. It just won’t be his first acceptance.
The school also tracks deadlines for the kids. It’s rather wonderful. I stressed slightly during the NMSF application period but discovered that our school nags far better than I can.
Has he shared hie essay with his gc or English teacher? I do think it is critical that he get an opinion on the essay with time built in for edits.
I wasn’t totally hands-off when it came to the essay. I just wasn’t the one who read it before submission. I “strongly recommended” that she start writing in May of her junior year. I had earlier handed her a workbook, Write It Aloud (or Write Out Loud), that was suggested by a CC mom on the Parents 2015 3.0-3.3 group and she work through at least part of it. Then I nagged her about showing the essay to a grown-up - anyone she trusted, for subject and tone appropriateness. She had given earlier drafts to close friends she trusted (one review I heard was “kind of harsh but it’s good”). I felt she needed support but I didn’t have to be the one to provide it if she felt someone else was better suited.
Appreciate the conversation 
I love to see other parents’ approaches to this crazy stressful process. I do track deadlines for applications and scholarships and highlight what is do when and the requirements. And of course pay to send test scores and the application fees… He will ask me to review his essays and application, just not until he’s satisfied with them. He has been known to appreciate my input but not use it, much to my dismay.
His older siblings had such a different experience. Each applied EA to the school of their choice (none had super low acceptance rates), got in, and were done. It’s a lot more stressful with this S as he’s well-suited for the highly selective schools where there are just way too many qualified candidates.
I just am sitting on my hands practically waiting to get the “OK Mom, can you review them?” request. Nov 1st is getting closer !!!
@wisteria100 : I do know he is working with both his GC and Eng Teacher, it’s just hard being the mom who wants to help too!
Just an aside based on the tense you used above. If he is done testing and knows where he is applying, send the test scores now. It always seemed to take longer than I expected for them to get sent.
Also, those highly selective schools are where you really can’t afford missteps. I’d set a deadline for reviewing whatever he has got – maybe Sunday afternoon this weekend. Tell him it is okay if it isn’t done, but that you need a checkpoint review.
I think it is really up to you and your kid and your relationship. For my eldest, I said “Make up a list of colleges for us to visit.” For the youngest, it was “Mom, you are good at researching on the internet. . Help me make a list.”
The oldest took care of apps and following through…with the youngest i helped her monitor email and keep track.
As for essays, I don’t need to see them, but I woudl want them reviewed by GC at least.
“She was working for the dean of the Honors College where she goes to school and she was having to take call after call from parents with what she thought were ridiculous questions. She was confused by why the students weren’t calling. She worked from 2-5 so it was hours that high school kids could have called themselves.”
Um nope. My kids were never done with school before 5. Extracurriculars always kept them there til at least then. And while they could text quickly in between the end of school while heading to the gym or activity room there was nowhere quiet enough to make a call. Never mind service was spotty. I definitely had to make calls especially after their repeated e mails went unanswered since few places had anybody there after they got home.
My son sent off all his applications last week. He let me proof read the essays. I wasn’t involved except to answer residency questions for state schools (the issue date of my voter i.d. card?) He’s now completely checking out emotionally until the results come. He wants nothing to do with CC.
It’s ironic that since sending the applications he’s been elected president of another club, received an academic award at school today, and was selected to emcee a ceremony.
@OspreyCV22, he should definitely email his new accomplishments to the admissions office and ask them to consider this additional information as part of his application.
My D has not applied anywhere yet that she needs to write an essay - but she has always asked me to proofread her papers for school, and I’d be shocked if she didn’t ask me to proofread her college app essay, if she ever writes one.
She did have me sit at the dining table with her while she filled out her college apps, though, and asked me to proofread those for errors. She showed me her EC resume, too, after she created it.
I’m the one who set up her Parchment account for her because she couldn’t get it to work - I finally did, after she went to school one day. We send her ACT scores and transcript scores through Parchment together (she has to sign for the transcript anyway). (She setup her ACT account and her AP account, too, back in freshman year.)
I guess she wants me there for moral support and I’m happy to oblige.
If she didn’t want me around though, I’d be happy to give her some space.
I personally wish she would do more things on her own initiative - I did have her call one of her colleges last week to ask a question she had about the app - she at first wanted me to. But she did, and of course, she was perfectly capable asking the question and getting the right person on the phone, :).
I had to sit next to my daughter the first time she pressed the Submit button on the CA. Pressing the left button on the mouse turned out to be a very stressful moment in her life.
I think those of us who’ve been through college can offer useful advice to our children, and as long as we are footing the bill, we darn well should be involved. Of course colleges would rather we just pay the bills and stay out-of-sight, accountability is rarely voluntarily offered.