You might think about giving a deadline for review. If he is working to a November 1st submission you don not want to be madly reading and seeing issues after the trick or treaters have stopping ringing the doorbell. Put aside an evening late in the week to double check and make sure everything is in order. Even mature kids don’t necessarily get that mom can’t wave a magic wand and make everything happen instantly when they suddenly decide that they need/want it.
I only ready my D2s essays when they were ready for proofreading (spelling, grammar, punctuation). I did not read for content, as she is an excellent writer and definitely had in her mind what she wanted to say in her own unique voice. She did not ask for advice nor did she want me butting in. No teacher or outside review either. Wrote it in a few hours on a Saturday/Sunday. Writing comes naturally for her and she’s good at it. This process was actually fun for her, I dare say, and it was not stressful for her.
D1, who was equally successful, wanted me to read/comment along the way. She had revision after revision after revision, and started the darn thing in July. First born syndrome for sure! She put so much time into it and she even got a personal note from the dean of admissions at an LAC that she applied to that it was the best essay they read that cycle. She didn’t end up going there, but it made he feel good for sure.
Two kids: totally different.
I’m an engineer. And a project manager. I have spreadsheets and track things. I can’t help it.
My son has been gracious enough to work with my issues. 
We meet once a week or so, go over deadlines and things that have to be done, asked, researched, documented… make a list for next week. He asks me to do a few things, mostly to keep me happy, then we both go off to do them. He’s applying for music and has the huge task of preparing for auditions, so I may be more involved than I would be otherwise. Still, it seems to be working for us, and I don’t feel one bit guilty for taking on some of the details so that I can relieve some stress and allow him to focus on what matters.
I’m with @N’s mom, @zoosermom , @jym626 and others. Stakes are incredibly high, particularly since we are depending on getting significant merit aid. It’s not like back in the day where my tuition was $700/semester.
She’s a public school student who’s up against a 500:1 student:counselor ratio. We DO have a private admissions coach, but we’ve had to do some heavy lifting to stay out ahead of him because his agenda didn’t align with ours for a while (too much focus on LAC’s and expensive privates vs. state public flagships that actually have stronger programs in her area), plus I suspect he’s overcommitted.
We feel it’s our responsibility, as long as she is a minor, to make all possible advantages available to her. You can’t tell me other parents aren’t doing it, so why should we risk placing her at a disadvantage? A good friend and I have been having this discussion since our kids were in 3rd grade in parochial school and there was a very obvious spectrum of parent participation in their art projects. It’s challenging to strike the right balance.
Are we writing her essays for her? Of course not - and believe me, there would be a lot more harmony in the house if we did, but from an integrity standpoint and her skill development she’s got to own that. Are we helping to project-manage because there are a half-dozen different essays? Yes. Is journalist Dad giving them an edit to make sure she doesn’t shoot herself in the foot saying something that could inadvertently offend or confuse a reader, or to help squeeze out those last 5-10 words that are over the limit? You betcha.
Engineer Mom has multiple spreadsheets going at any given time, like @sseamom regarding the complex information. There are 10 schools with different EA deadlines, 3 who don’t accept the Common App, 2 who want the CSS Profile (which I recently found out is due BEFORE the FAFSA), and at about half of them, a Phase II application process for Honors colleges and merit scholarships. I’ll openly admit to fear of blowing a deadline, or being up against a wall at the last minute, particularly with all these plates in the air with different essays etc. Not to mention a couple of current functional glitches in the Common App system, one of which impacts 2 of her applications that are due November 1.
She has a heavy course load, a time-consuming extracurricular, and a part-time job. We don’t want her expending effort on keeping the trains running on time, when that comes so naturally to me. Nor do we want her to risk damaging the valuable GPA that she has worked extremely hard for. I’d rather look back in the spring and say we could have done less, rather than we should have done more. By then it’s too late.
Thanks for listening.
Another concern parents may be having is if “Not caring too much about the application process” = “Not caring about college”… once again I think it depends on your kid…My daughter did well at school, was happy for me to help her with the applicaition process and picking out schools, and is quite happy at the school she chose.
I am all up in his business… LOL Part of the problem is boys (or my boys) are so ho hum about the whole thing I have felt as if I have to force them to sit down and write their essays out and that if I did not at least edit them then they would be AWFUL. In fact, one of my sons told me that he thinks “girls are just better at all this stuff”. You think? He told me that is there was an AP test for being able to BS I would get a 5. I told him we all have talents. You are probably doing the right thing. I just pushed him to apply at the first of August so we would start hearing earlier. My oldest got the stinkiest dorm because he waited and then he was put in a learning community. The problem was…it was not his major so he was the lone business major in a stinky dorm with all CS majors.
I’m almost entirely hands-off with my kid’s academic life. That’s what his teachers and GC are for.
But with the college stuff, there is stuff that simply wouldn’t happen, and would have significant consequences, if I weren’t all up in his face. (Hello spreadsheets, visit planning, yes you DO have to send a note.) But I honored his request to stay away from his essay until he was ready, and will honor his right to ignore all my suggestions except for those that would seriously screw him over. (e.g. major grammatical/spelling issues). I’ve reviewed his activities list as well, because seriously, he just forgets important stuff / has no clue what matters. It’s a tutorial in a process he’s doing for the first time. Later, he’ll be on his own. And I have another kid in the pipeline for whom this experience will be entirely different. Because different kid.
I’m envious of y’all who actually have a GC or teachers willing/able to invest more than a few minutes a month helping your student with college applications.
We had an inkling of what we were getting into when D first enrolled at a public all-magnet high school of this size, but since getting students into good colleges is supposed to be their claim to fame, thought she would see more personal attention as a senior. What’s become increasingly evident is that while the school has systems in place (primarily paper-based!!!), all these publicly stellar results seem to be more a reflection of the caliber of the students and the education level and involvement of their parents - many of whom have chosen to invest in a private admissions coach, as we have.
In the school’s defense, she doesn’t seek out the GC herself, although in turn that’s because the counselor was never really on her radar during her freshman through junior years. A 500:1 student:counselor ratio, can you believe it?
The stakes are high with college admissions, and that is why I don’t get involved at all. I am a firm believer that if my kids can’t handle the application process independently, then they are not ready for the demands of college. I’ve had conversations about which schools they might consider and what sort of family financial support would be available, but the decision about where to apply is up to the kid. Keeping track of deadlines and different application requirements is their responsibility, not mine. I haven’t reviewed any applications or read any essays. If they aren’t up to the task, then perhaps it is best for all that they stay home and attend a CC for a year or two until they have the skills and maturity they need to handle the application process.
@IlamBehini : To better understand the context for your perspective, what sort of guidance is offered by your kids’ school? And by what other means have your kids learned the ropes so that they can proceed as independently as they have?
I think that’s a little harsh @IlamBehini , not to mention oversimplified. Clearly you’re entitled to your opinion, and I don’t mean to sound defensive. But in fairness, not every student’s admission process is the same.
My D’s plate that I described in post #43 is worlds apart from that of her best friend who’s applying to two schools, not eligible for Honors, and doesn’t need the merit aid. My D is juggling the demands of 8 rigorous courses including 3 AP, an EC leadership position, and a part-time job. To me that is adequate time management development.
Deferring the university experience for a year or two, filling it in with CC which can be glorified high school (depending on the quality of the CC and the competitiveness of the HS they graduated from), only postpones the growth they’ll eventually need to accomplish. Not to mention, the vast majority of the good merit aid goes to freshmen. Of course if a family is full pay this isn’t a factor. Full pay doesn’t work for us.
I’m glad your approach works well with your children, but I think it’s not applicable across the board.
I’m the opposite . . . too much so probably. But there is so much at stake that it’s hard to stand back and let it happen organically. I won’t do his essay writing or any of that, but I do monitor all the deadlines and make sure things are submitted by him on time.
Last night, with the 11/1 deadline of a couple schools looming like the storming of Normandy beach - my son suggests that maybe we should be looking at smaller programs.
I wanted to strangle him and my husband. Really.
So for those parents staying on the sidelines - good for you! You will be sane while I’m sitting in a rubber room somewhere.
Interesting attitude. In the real world workplace, we’re constantly balancing due dates and task loads, and it’s often a collaborative effort. I actually think it takes more maturity to assess what you can and can’t get done, prioritize and know when/how to get help.
@porcupine98 - My oldest (current college freshman) had minimal input from the HS GC. She was a full time dual enrollment student her senior year, and only set foot on the HS campus twice the entire year. She is at a small LAC on a full merit scholarship. Child #2 (hs senior) doesn’t have a GC as she is enrolled in a hybrid school (accredited classes for homeschool students, run a bit like a CC). Child #2 has the advantage of having watched child#1 manage the process last year, and as a result began her applications very early and has had no trouble meeting any deadlines.
The application process is stressful, but it isn’t all that difficult. Fill out the forms, write the essays, send the scores and the transcripts. It really isn’t any different from applying for a job, which my kids have been doing since they were 14. If anything, the college application process is easier now than it has ever been. When I applied to college, I had to type each application and essay separately…on an actual typewriter. Scores and transcripts had to be mailed…in actual envelopes with stamps. There was no common app or online app. While stress about applications is higher than it used to be, the actual application process is much easier than it used to be. I don’t think it is asking that much of a high school senior.
@ohiovalley16 - You’ll note that I said I was a firm believer that if MY kids can’t handle the application process, they can’t handle college. I’m also a firm believer that each family should make their own choices about how they raise their kids.
While I say I was “hands off”, when I think back to the process, I did sit down with the kids and had a “kick of meeting”. That entailed talking about schools they would apply to, financial restrictions and deadlines. They were sitting at the computer and creating a list (a spreadsheet for my type A and a hand written list for my non type A). I had access to these lists throughout the process so I did watch but I never had to remind …they got it done. I did not look at any essays - but I think they both had English teachers look at them. My son also went through athletic recruitment and he handled all that correspondence on his own ( by his request). And both my kids had commitments before and after school until about 7:30 every evening and starting at 5am. I think this helped in the long run because they knew they could not procrastinate.
I agree in theory with letting your DC drive the application process, however, I utilize what I have learned from my very deadline driven career. We use a team approach and multiple layers of sign offs to ensure all is done accurately and on time. Why would I not employ that same process here? My DS and I agreed there would be spreadsheet, that we would both have access to, in which to track data. I am not certain that he has had time to touch it since school assignments really kicked in but it is there when/if he feels the need. I am only the project manager. He is doing the work but does need reminders of deadlines from time to time. He has tracked all of his own schoolwork and EC schedule for years but even those provide him with some tools to make it easier.
He has some applications already in and one acceptance with a great scholarship offer. It is a lot easier to sit back now. 
I say be involved and read the essay, no one knows your kid better than you! My husband and I proofed D’16’s CA essay which she has used in some variation for all her applications. I made a few edits but liked the essay a lot. Husband thought it was very good.
We told her to show it to her senior English teacher while I emailed the essay to a good friend of mine who was a journalism major and it now Editor of a national business publication. Editor friend, sent back the essay with no corrections. He thought it was excellent, for a high school student, and better than most he reads from college students looking for an internship. He said he had expected to read an overwritten clichéd piece, but found it compelling and sincere. He gave the essay to another editor friend and they both said they wouldn’t change a thing. HS English teacher thought it “sucked” and that she needed to, at the least, rewrite the whole thing and probably just write something new.
So far she has gotten into 3 of her schools, two of them are her reaches. Don’t just rely on one HS teacher to read the essay.
We helped only when D. asked. She never hesitated though to ask to read her essays and provide a feedback. She also did not hesitate to use the list of colleges that I compiled for her based on very well known to me criteria that she had. She did not hesitate to ask me 4 years later to compile a list of Med. Schools for her to apply. I guess, my D. belongs to the crowd that is very ready to provide any help to others (which actually landed her a nice job at college) and who at the same time has no problem asking for help when they feel they need it. She continue looking for our support all while at college and Medical School while was always recognized by people around her as one of the most helpful person and supporting friend. Competitive nature of her academic career somehow did not affect her at all, she was always able to surround herself with a friendly and supporting crowd. Many times I have asked myself, why, while I was reading about lots of crazy competition? I believe that it goes back to the fact that we always were ready to drop absolutely anything to provide a help to her whenever she asked. I guess she learned to do the same to others as well as never hesitated asking for help when she felt she needed it and we were not around. But again, we never “stick our noses” into whatever she was doing.
Definitely read the essay. There’s language in common usage among today’s teens that had completely different meanings back when the perhaps 40-ish, 50-ish reader of the essay was younger. Some are even ethnic slurs, or at least could be perceived as pejorative. And don’t forget to take different parts of the country into account that might have a different ethnic or racial makeup than where you live - we’re both from the NYC area so we’re hyper-aware that way.
We locked horns with our D on one such word - and it was in the Common App essay so it would be seen by 7 schools. Sure, odds are that it might not have been a big deal, but if it rubbed even one reviewer the wrong way and made the tiebreaker difference between her and another candidate, none of us would ever know what had happened or what better outcome might have been possible.
We assured her that as always, she could have as much creative license as she wanted in her school papers, literary magazine submissions, personal writings etc. but that this was non-negotiable. There were plenty of other word choices, and the one she went with flowed just fine without taking on that risk. She didn’t like it, but we’d take that stance again in a minute. You can’t fix these things later.
Again, this is for our individual situation. We have to jump through extra hoops to maximize merit aid, as some of those scholarships are extremely competitive. So there are that many more opportunities to get tripped up. For a full-pay family it might be different.