<p>I’m not sure whether we “over-parented,” “under-parented,” or “goldilocks-parented.” I guess for us, the experience was perhaps different than for most because we homeschooled through 8th grade.</p>
<p>I think our view was school is about learning. It’s about academics. It’s about reading, writing, math, science, history, literature, etc. We chose a curriculum that was rigorous, but when we found that in the middle school years it became a little obsessive, we dropped it, and came up with our own.</p>
<p>In the early years, the kids were usually done school before lunch. In the later years, they were still out playing in the yard when they’re traditional school peers were getting off the bus in the afternoon. We did things with other homeschoolers, both school-related, and more fun-related. They participated in some community group sorts of things (karate, baseball, etc.). But not to the point of having highly-scheduled lives. A few hours per day, our two sons got to do what they wanted, whether it was shoot hoops outside, or play some other sort of ball with each other, or read, or draw, or paint. Just, no TV or video or computer games. As long as they did their best in their basic curriculum, they could pursue what they wanted to pursue, within reason. </p>
<p>Academically, we told 'em, do the best you can do. And they did very well. As I said, their curriculum was rigorous. Some folks we knew were critical because they thought the curriculum was too tough and put too much pressure on our sons to perform academically. But they seemed to like it, they did well, and they were still playing out in the yard every afternoon, so how tough was it?</p>
<p>When they got to high school, they found that academically, they were at the top of their class. They liked that. It became an important part of how they related to themselves. So, we didn’t have to push them very hard, as they pushed themselves exceedingly hard. In fact, my wife and I sometimes had to moderate their academic ambitions, as they would have gotten in way over their heads without an occasional nudge here and there to let up off the accelerator.</p>
<p>Because my wife and I homeschooled, we were always involved with their academics. When they first went to high school, my sons found it difficult to deal with a lot of the logistics of being in a traditional school - a rotating schedule that was different each day of the week, the need to copy down homework assignments to do later (they didn’t really do “homework,” per se, when they homeschooled), etc. For the first couple of years, I’d close the loop with them every day to make sure they were doing all the things that needed to get done, teaching them how to keep a calendar, going over it with them daily to reinforce the use of it. But eventually, they mastered these things, as well, and for each of them, the last couple of years of high school, we’d discuss course selection, different higher-level topics, but really were no longer involved in the day-to-day academic stuff.</p>
<p>When it came to college, they wanted to know what were realistic colleges to which they could apply. We did research together. Their grades and test scores were sufficient that they could realistically apply to wherever they wished. They picked some schools (mostly most-selective), we picked some schools (mostly mid-range and safeties), we all talked about the lists and came to consensus. In the case of our younger son, after much, much haggling (he didn’t want to bother with most of the safeties). They applied. They got into to some nice schools.</p>
<p>Over-parented? Under-parented? I don’t know. We just sorta did what came natural. Just didn’t think about it in these terms.</p>