<p>why does it seem like most of the parents on CC are so overprotective and involved in their childs lives? many refer to the college admission process as "we" did this or "we" did that. this is your childs life and his or her decision for college. it is their application. most of these kids are so reliant on their parents to remind them to do this and tell them to do that. i feel sorry for the kids of these parents because they will not know how to be responsible and take care of themselves in college.</p>
<p>tennis, you've complained about parents posting on threads started by students. Please don't come on to the parent forum and tell us to mind our own business. We are. Now, get out there and do some trick-or-treating before its too late.</p>
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tennis, you've complained about parents posting on threads started by students. Please don't come on to the parent forum and tell us to mind our own business. We are. Now, get out there and do some trick-or-treating before its too late.
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Yeah, thats not condescending at all...
Just shows that some of these parents don't trust a HS senior to get things done him/herself and want to live their lives for them. Key word is some mind you.</p>
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Just shows that some of these parents don't trust a HS senior to get things done him/herself
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<p>Hey, even parents forget about things we are scheduled to do. Can't tell you how many times I've been thankful that my kid says something like, "No don't forget to buy the croissants today for tomorrow's breakfast."</p>
<p>For most kids I know who wind up at good fit colleges that are affordable and where they have a good experience, it took a family effort:)</p>
<p>hmom5, I've made the same observation.</p>
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this is your childs life and his or her decision for college. it is their application.
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This is entirely true for some but for many it's not. If the kid plans to have the parents fund their education in part or in entirety, then the parents usually must be involved in the decision. A lot of parents aren't in a position to essentially write a blank check. Furthermore, many HS students can benefit from the experience and wisdom of the parents. Many times the parents have 'been there' but the student hasn't regardless of how smart or responsible the student is. </p>
<p>Just because a parent takes an interest in the success and happiness of their kid and provides some guidance doesn't mean the student "will not know how to be responsible and take care of themselves in college". Sure, there's a point at which the parents can cross the line but many, probably most, times they don't. I think most open-minded HS students would welcome some guidance from their parents - they seem to welcome the money without a problem.</p>
<p>Just a short review of the posts on cc by students and parents provides that many students welcome and benefit from the guidance of their parents.</p>
<p>I agree with the above poster.</p>
<p>I work as a counselor in a high school with a wide variety of kids. I have just come off of two month of meeting individually with each senior and their parents. Every meeting is different-from the strugling kid who will barely make it to community college to the 4.2 with excellent test scores. Some have great parents, some have pushy parents and some have no parents. Those are the ones that have the hardest time.</p>
<p>It is very important that kids learn to be independent but they need help in the college process. This doesn't mean dictating the school the kid will apply to or attend but offering suggestions and LISTENING to the kid. The student needs the parent to guide them away from the mistakes that inexperience will bring. I can't tell you how many times a kid has wanted to apply ED then 2 weeks later, after the parents have suggesting holding off to be sure, changed their mind. Or says "I hate the rain "and then comes in with 4 applications all to schools in Oregon then applies to a few more in a warmer climate because their Mom (thankfully) thought it would be a good idea. They are young and impressionable and lots of fun...but they need guidance that is best brought by a parent. The college application/decision process is not the time to let your kid loose to "learn for themselves".</p>
<p>The happiest families are the ones that listen to each other, are honest about what the expectations are (performance and financial) upfront and have a mutual respect for each other's opinions.</p>
<p>tennisboy-there is a happy medium in the help parents give in the college application process. Many parents are helping their kids out because they care. That's what being a family is about. These kids adjust very well to college with the confidence that comes from knowing that they have a support group in their families back home (mine graduated with highest University honors). I agree that the student needs to do all their own paperwork, but most 17 year-olds haven't had to deal with multiple strict deadlines that can affect their lives as much as the college decision. I feel sorry for the kids whose parents don't offer support.</p>
<p>you would be surprised how many freshman as much as they believe have it together, will at one time or another call a parent in a panic asking for advice.</p>
<p>The application process is a blip on the screen in the 18 years of raising a child.</p>
<p>kids jobs: Do the research as time allows, attend visits interview etc with a somewhat open mind, fill out apps, make the choice by 5/1</p>
<p>parents jobs: Facilitate all of the above financially and in whatever other way is agreed upon and neccessary depending on the family situation and needs of the student.</p>
<p>FWIW I live in a community where there is only one high school. It educates under 500 students. Our GCs do a bang up job getting our eligible students into the publics. I kind of wanted my kids to have options in addition to the state schools so I looked into them and shared the information with them. They took want they wanted and left the rest. Don't think it makes me overprotective or even overinvolved. But do think your original post is naively miopic as wll as intentionally insulting.</p>
<p>I absolutely agree with hmom5, or at least one parent effort.
I know a family where parents were not involved in their kid's school life at all as well as college selection. They were sure that at age of 17-18 kids should make their own decisions. I could not believe that a parent didn't know which classes his (her) students took in High school, or if they took SAT/ACT exams. A year ago their S sent out the application to all UC and was accepted by number of them, even though not by one that was his first choice. He is really smart boy, and I'm sure if parents insisted on retaking SAT to get a higher score, he would be accepted there. Finally he decided to go to one of UC and didn't even want to visit that place, and that was also ok with his parents. Just before Final exams in May he came home and announced their parents that he dropped out of the university and ” please don’t ask any questions, think whatever you want”. He so got used to make all decisions on his own that even didn’t think to talk to his parents before it was too late… And they were happy that their D. just graduated from High school because she was about to drop it also… I think it’s parents responsibility to turn their kids to the right direction because they are older, more knowledgeable and experienced.</p>
<p>i never said not involved with their kids college selection because i do agree that parents foot the bill and have some influence but i am saying that parents that use the term "we" are getting into college and "we" just got into harvard suggests that it is both the parent and the kid.....thats what is wrong. these type of parents are the overbearing ones whose kids will be in trouble in college and be calling home because they cannot survive on their own. u are completely on your own in college and the college application process is an important step in independence.....the child should handle everything with the applications(excluding some advice on where to apply from the parents because of finances).....if a child cannot handle that how are they to adjust to college?</p>
<p>"these type of parents are the overbearing ones whose kids will be in trouble in college and be calling home because they cannot survive on their "</p>
<p>didn't your English teacher ever tell you about using absolutes and sterotypes when trying to make a point?</p>
<p>"didn't your English teacher ever tell you about using absolutes and sterotypes when trying to make a point?"</p>
<p>its common sense that if u throw a bear who has been raised in captivity into the wild that it will either not survive or will have difficulty surviving. the same is true of kids.....u throw a kid who has never been exposed to having to deal with responsibility and a sense of independent into a college atmosphere then he will have difficulty surviving......its logic</p>
<p>Tennisboy, statistically, it is these very kid with the type of parents you describe who do make it through college. That is the sad truth of the matter. It is a fact of life the adcoms hate, it is truly unfair, but it is true. Now there is that tiny minority of kids who do it all themselves and are true superfolk, but for the most part, there is a direct link between parental attentions and children's accomplishments, particularly in terms of how far kids get through school. So as an adult making the large investment of hundreds of thousands of dollars, it makes sense to be involved and giving it the best chance for success. Yes, there are parent who step over the line of propriety, legality, and effectiveness; there is a point which of doing more harm than good, but it is difficult to ascertain that point.</p>
<p>Basically, parents get involved because it makes a difference.</p>
<p>Why do you care so much about what parents are doing? Go do you homework.</p>
<p>"u are completely on your own in college and the college application process is an important step in independence.....the child should handle everything with the applications(excluding some advice on where to apply from the parents because of finances).....if a child cannot handle that how are they to adjust to college?"</p>
<p>I don't understand this. You are surrounded in college by people who want to help you - RA's, academic advisors, good friends. The most successful people are those that let others help and advise them. These successful people then turn around and mentor others.</p>
<p>You are living in a cold and harsh world, Tennisboy, if you can't accept advice.</p>
<p>tennisboy, I'll agree that some parents can't seem to find the line between their own lives and their children's. That "we" that so bugs you is a conversational habit of some parents, as in "we didn't use diapers last night!" when the kid is 2 years old. It probably does indicate that the ability to see the kid as a separate entity is somewhat lacking.</p>
<p>However, when you are a parent yourself, you'll see why the college decision is a family one. If you're one of those high school students who never needs to be reminded about testing deadlines, appointments with guidance counselors, picking up scholarship applications, etc, congrats! If you have the time and experience to plan a multiple city trip for college visits, including airline and hotel reservations,congrats again. I have 3 really bright and focused kids, all of whom chose colleges several hundred miles away - where they thrived or are thriving - and none of mine were up to those tasks as high school seniors. Somehow, I've never had to intervene in any problems at their colleges, where they've handled themselves more than competently. </p>
<p>And I don't know what your financial expectations of your parents are - you allow that parents can have some input on this aspect of the college search - but when am I laying out more than $250,000 for anything, as I am for my kids' educations, I am going to have plenty to say about it. I am going to draw on the experiences and observations of my 5-plus decades, as well as the love and devotion I feel for my daughters, to give them my best advice. </p>
<p>Are you navigating this course all alone?</p>
<p>I dont want that call i cant pay my rent and if you want to say tell them to bad my question would be do you have children. College is a parent child project unless they go to the community college in there own home town then yes most of what needs to be done can be done by the student .</p>