<p>kksmom…your anecdote reminds me of another one of my daughter’s that I forgot about. (ya know, anyone who has been doing this a long while will have such stories to tell!!)</p>
<p>At our high school, middle school students (MS is at the same facility at the HS) are allowed to audition for the HIGH SCHOOL plays and musicals, though the MS has its own musical as well. Our middle school is grades 7/8. When my D was in MS, she was a lead in the HIGH SCHOOL play both times and was cast in the HS musical both times, once as a lead and once in a supporting role. We are grateful. When she entered the HS for ninth grade, she did get a major role in the musical (and was leads throughout her HS career in the musicals). The play has a different director, though again the play director had chosen my D as a lead in the play for HS during both her own MS years. But in ninth grade, my D was not cast AT ALL in the play! The reason given was “to give new kids a turn.” As it turned out, my D never did the HS play again, and was in community and regional theater during that season her remaining years, but was a lead in the HS musicals through HS (and MS). And it wasn’t cause the play director didn’t like my kid or something. In fact, she invited my kid, as an 8th grader, to take her English course on Shakespeare with the 12 graders and she did (and did well) and she did cast her so young as the lead in the HS productions, even though she was 12 years old. So, this happens! It’s not fun but it is really part of doing theater. As a parent, I never like seeing my kid disappointed, but remain glad she had this happen a couple of times in her youth rather than being 100% successful in casting, because it gets a LOT LOT worse (or more difficult) once entering the professional world of theater in NYC! It is good to get a handle on how casting is not ONLY about talent and involves some factors beyond one’s control.</p>
<p>The posts from klto64 and Kellylj1 remind me of a saying that one my son’s friends said to him when he received a rejection letter from one of his college MT auditions: “Rejection is God’s protection.” I’m not particularly religious but that stuck with me. I realize that ensemble parts are not rejection, but I thought I’d share it. Thanks to all of the parents and students for sharing these wonderful stories. Although this angst we feel when our kids don’t get the desired part is tough, those feelings do abate, as you know. I think in some way it heightens the thrill for the next time when they do receive the part or get into the desired MT program.</p>
<p>For eight straight summers, my daughter auditioned for and was cast in a summer musical with a local professional theatre that has a student program in the summer. The first three or four years this theatre had a policy that you would get a letter telling you that you were cast but wouldn’t know your role until after the first or second rehearsal. In essence, you had to commit to the project, not the role. I thought that was a fantastic lesson to learn early on but there were plenty of people (parents especially) that didn’t like it at all.</p>
<p>Competitive forces have caused this theatre to change that policy because other professional theatres began offering summer season opportunities and more and more kids (and their parents) “shopped the role” and were not necessarily willing to commit without knowing what role they had. I felt that it was too bad that they changed it but I understand why.</p>
<p>My daughter holds the record for the number of consecutive seasons at this theatre but is going into forced retirement this summer because her mean parents told her she needs to get a job. Despite being the reigning queen and very talented, last summer was the first summer she got a lead and it was a doozy… as if they had been waiting for the perfect role for her all along which would let her to bring all of her tricks to the stage and really stretch her. She had had some wonderful featured parts in earlier years but it’s safe to say she was in the ensemble for most of her tenure. She always made it work. She always made whatever part she had bigger than it was and she was always given more to do by the director. </p>
<p>We retained the “you need to commit to the project not the role” mantra even after the policy changed she had the chance to know her role with the casting list. Quitting was never an option. It doesn’t mean there were not some real disappointments in the moment and perhaps a few tears shed at home followed by a 24 hour period of mourning. But eventually she rallied and made the most of it. It always worked out and it was so much better than quitting. You don’t want to be one of the kids who quits over a role. Director’s memories are long.</p>
<p>My daughter never quit because of a role, although she did drop out of one show before rehearsals began because she was offered a MUCH better part at a MUCH better theater. Maybe that’s quitting. My thoughts about this changed after several years when it became clear that she could be cast in major productions and in lead roles fairly consistently. At a certain point the investment of time and work has to pay off and there’s not a lot she would learn being in the chorus of another youth theater show. There are directors who get annoyed if you elect not to do their show. Heck, there’s one who was mad at her for not auditioning. They feel betrayed. So she moved on.</p>
<p>And yes Jeffandann, it is much harder on the parents!! She will bounce back quickly!!! Hang in there!</p>
<p>I love the spice analogy… it so aptly describes what my daughter has experienced at so many open call auditions when they tell you up front that you are being typed. If you are a short blonde and they only want tall redheads, no matter how talented you are you are not getting cast. My office in midtown employs several part-timers who are all actors…it gets harder for them as they get older because once you get past auditioning as the “angry young man” or “romantic lead”, you are not necessarily ready to be auditioning for most character actor roles because you are too young and they are casting older types.</p>
<p>JEffandAnn- When sad casting happens, the daughter has a good cry and I usually feel sick to my stomach. We are allowed 24 hours to feel bad, then it’s on to the next thing! If possible we try to figure out if it was a technical issue she needs to work on, or a poor audition song/outfit/hair style/head shot choice, so the next time around she is in better shape for whatever audition she faces. One bad experience launched me into finding a 2nd voice teacher to work on contemporary singing styles. Now with the help of the 2nd teacher she’s ready to audition for that fab part she previously missed by a hair. It is painful, though. When my daughter didn’t get Clara (in Nutcracker) the first year she was eligible, it was almost like the death of a pet, since she had worked for years to be ready for that part. So - 24 hours to mope - that’s it. Then think about what you can improve and get back at it! :)</p>
<p>Some good and insightful comments above. Here’s how my daughter approaches her auditions to help keep things in perspective:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Auditioning in of itself is part of her job as a performer. Getting called to audition and getting call backs means she’s “living the life” and has “skin in the game”. That in of itself is gratifying and exciting to her. Of course she wants to get cast but but even when the outcome isn’t what she hoped for, she knows she is stepping up to the plate and doing her best. That has positive meaning to her.</p></li>
<li><p>Every opportunity to audition is viewed as an opportunity to get experience and exposure. She doesn’t limit her auditions to shows where she thinks she is a fit but also knowingly auditions for shows that are a reach. That way, even when she is not cast, she views the audition as a learning experience that stretches her boundaries and from which she takes away something positive.</p></li>
<li><p>She does not tell family and friends about her auditions in advance particularly for shows or roles that would be viewed as especially noteworthy. That eliminates the stress of being bombarded with questions before an audition and of reliving rejections as well wishers inquire about the outcome. If she gets cast, then others are told.</p></li>
<li><p>In the immediate aftermath of an audition, she moves on to the next thing on her agenda and does not dwell on “how it went” unless there is something specific she wants to note for the future.</p></li>
<li><p>She has made sure to develop other areas in her life that are gratifying and provide her with feelings of professional and personal competence, where others regularly acknowledge the work that she does.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>All of these things carry her through the lows of disappointing outcomes and make her successes that much sweeter when she is cast.</p>
<p>Great story soozievt :0) I love hearing your stories about your D.</p>
<p>Yes!!! Very smart!! We never discuss auditions ahead of time. It just isn’t worth it to have people ask about what may be a sore point, later.</p>
<p>I think for my daughter the toughest part was that she auditioned with several other classmates so everyone knows who did and didn’t get parts. Although they are being very supportive there is still that sting, but as many have said here she’s doing better with it than I am!</p>
<p>classicalbk, actually that was MichaelNKat’s point, not mine! His post is great and truthfully, my D adheres to those same points too. </p>
<p>JeffandAnn, I realize for a school or local production with friends, they do know who auditioned and got cast, etc. but sometimes things fall positively in one casting for someone and sometimes not, and it all goes round and is part of the deal. Everyone has been there and done that and could tell such stories and so it is good to experience this when young as it is going to happen many times over if she stays in this field.</p>
<p>It IS much harder when it is a school or community production and your kid has to live with the casting choices every day. When my D was doing the professional audition rounds, it was much easier to audition and move on. Especially in commercial and film auditions, where you KNOW that your talent doesn’t have that much to do with whether you are cast or not.
Professional theatre – at least when you get to callbacks – also has a more consistent level of talent, and I would say that in my daughter’s short career (3 years, before starting high school), the very few parts for which she was not cast at least went to other talented kids.
Not sure how all high schools work, but ours is very seniority-based. When D was not cast this spring in the part she really wanted in the musical, the director told her that she was in the final 3 (it is double-cast) but they had to go with seniority (D is a soph, the girl who was cast is a senior). My D is very generous in praise of others, and acknowledges others’ talents, but this has been a very bitter pill to swallow since the girl who was cast is a pretty weak singer and actor.
I don’t know why high school theatre has to work this way. Would a basketball coach play a less-talented senior if he had a strong sophomore to play? Probably not. But this is one of my soapbox issues 
Getting feedback from directors and casting director also has varying degrees of helpfulness. It does make you and your kid feel better when you get a very cut-and-dried answer to why she was not cast. My D was called back 6 times for the Mary Poppins tour, including a trip to NY. Each time, she was not tall enough to match up with the Michaels that they were looking at. Was that the only reason she was not cast? Maybe not, but at least it was a concrete reason to grasp.
Another time I asked her agent for feedback from another tour D auditioned for. The answer, “She has a beautiful voice and they would like to see her again.” What do you do with that? Really not that helpful.
I guess I don’t have a summing up point, just recognizing that we parents are all in the same boat, and it’s better to share these thoughts with other parents rather than letting your child know how much you wish they didn’t have to ever go through rejection!</p>
<p>offer her words of encouragement and support her in her “failures” and rejections, but the best thing for you to do is to let her learn how to deal with the rejection herself…the sooner she learns to handle rejection on her own, the better. this is not something that she will just be encountering as a performer, but is something you find anywhere you go for life…you’ll be doing her a favor for not trying to fight this battle for her. </p>
<p>trust me, the greatest thing my parents have done for me is keep their hands off my career. its gotten to the point that they’re only going to come see me or a show i’m in at school when i ask them…heck they didn’t know when any of my shows this year were because i didn’t want them coming to see any of them. they know i’ll tell them what i want them to know about my artistic endeavors…that the only important things to be part of are what i ask them to be part of. they’re here to support me…they fund what they can and they’ll comfort me when i ask for it, but they’ve stopped trying to hold my hand. i’m doing this for myself and i’d prefer to feel that i can be as independent in this path as possible.</p>
<p>the more hands off you are in their artistic journey, the better. just be there, but let them steer. if this is something she truly loves, she’ll move on…there are always many more opportunities out there for her if she is willing to keep looking.</p>
<p>Merlehay, to follow up on your post 33…I am grateful that our HS did NOT use seniority in casting. It was more like real auditions and picking the best person for the part. In fact, they allowed middle school kids to audition for the HS musical, even though the MS had their own musical (it’s all at one building). So, when my kid was in Middle School, she was a lead in the HS plays and musicals! She continued to be a lead throughout her HS career. She did not have to wait until senior year (then again, she graduated after junior year anyway). I’m grateful for how they cast there. Luckily she didn’t have to wait until her final year because that year, while she was cast as Ado Annie in Oklahoma, she was severely injured in a car crash during the rehearsal period and was out of school and all her shows, etc. and never got to play the part (her best friend was her understudy and took over her role). Had she waited until her final year of HS to be cast as a lead, she never would have gone on as one. Even in middle school, I never heard a high school kid complain that the middle school girl got the lead in their musical. It is just how it was done.</p>
<p>Soozievt, very jealous of that casting philosophy. No one wants to think the worst, but my D does have a kidney disease, and sometimes I think “What if she gets really sick her senior year and can’t be in the musical?” I try to push that thought away, but as your story shows, it can happen. We also have the burden of having to combine the musical with the other high school in our district. So instead of a school of 2000 putting on a musical, it becomes, in effect, a school of 5000. Lots of competition and rivalry between the high schools (they host and direct/cast alternate years). We parents hate it!</p>
<p>My daughter’s HS does follow the seniority model. All leads (especially for the girls) go to the upper classmen regardless of audition strength / talent. Everyone knows that going into it so even though it can result in someone who doesn’t sing very well or act as well getting the lead, at least everyone knows that is how it works and you wait your turn. </p>
<p>But what did take a little more getting used to (because it doesn’t apply uniformly to everyone) is the idea not getting cast even if you have the best audition to give others a chance and then on top of it discovering you are not even in the ensemble. </p>
<p>I can read everyone’s mind who is thinking, “I guess they probably were not as good as they thought they were”. I’m certain that happens a lot but that is honestly not what I’m talking about. I’m describing the scenario where you clearly have one of the top auditions (and the director would agree), maybe even the best one, and you don’t get cast AT ALL. Not even as street person #5 or window washer #2.</p>
<p>It took me a couple of times of watching this happen either to my daughter or one of the other top actors at her school to finally understand it. (It was explained to me by one of the directors so I’m not making it up.) Some directors do not consider the most talented upperclassmen kids for anything but the lead roles. If they don’t have a lead spot that they feel they are the best for (because of type or they were the lead in the last play or whatever reason), they are out of the show completely – no matter how strong their audition. In short, they were never in the running for a spot in the ensemble. </p>
<p>It is especially sensitive because most kids are not in that same bucket and don’t realize that is what has happened. They assume the audition must not have been good and some maybe even take an ounce of delight in it. But if you are the kid that it happens to, you can’t explain what actually happened to anyone… it would sound obnoxious.</p>
<p>Merlehay, that sounds nuts (two huge high schools combined for one musical). Our high school was MUCH smaller…about 600 in grades 9-12 (six towns send kids to this school…it’s a rural area).</p>
<p>Our high school did not cast by seniority either and my daughter was cast as the lead in whatever musical was being done four years in a row. I will say that our high school director/chorus teacher was very adept in his planning for both drama production and musical theatre production to know what talent he had and what talent was coming up from the middle school. The wild card is always the unknown kids who come in from parochial or private school. This is in Nassau County and high school generally had enrollment of 1200 students.</p>
<p>halflokum, that is truly crazy not even to cast them in the ensemble. And assuming these are talented kids who probably love theatre, how heartbreaking not to be in the show at all. I know my daughter is not unique in that she would play a tree just to be in the musical.</p>
<p>soozievt, I think someone, some time must have decided that it would save money to have one big, huge, impressive show. The musicals are really quite a spectacle, with over 90 kids in the cast. Our director does an amazing job featuring as many kids as possible in the ensemble, although it can be a challenge spotting your kid amongst all of the others. I’m just lucky my D is so small, she’s always put in front.</p>