Ours son is our only child and we live in AZ, so a long way from Choate. When I say “this forum,” I mean the Prep School Admissions and Prep School Parents forums. You’re in the right place.
We were absolutely “disconnected” from him but that’s kinda the point. You’ll adjust. You will miss a lot. Your son will miss nothing. As we say repeatedly here, it’s not about us; it’s about them.
Day-to-day, we did not know what our son was doing, who his friends were, what classes he was taking, what his homework was, how he spent his free time, what he was eating/not eating, how clean/squalid his room, how high the pile of dirty laundry, what he wore, what his grades were, who his teachers were, etc. We didn’t need to. He and his school had all that. Also, our son didn’t feel the need to talk to us more than once every couple of weeks or so, and he never texted. That’s just how he rolls. We had allowed him this independent route, so we had to adjust to whatever that looked like. He had a fantastic experience without us. Again, that’s the point.
Every family dynamic is different. Your son may keep you closer in his loop, and you may feel more connected. If you read through the archives here, you’ll see lots of variation in how families, remote and local, adjust to their kid’s BS experience. No worries. You’ll figure this out. Your child is in for the ride of his life. Buckle up and enjoy it. It goes way too fast.
Feel free to ask your questions and shed your tears here. It’s a great group.
ETA: Here’s an old post of mine on how I felt when I finally realized our only child was “gone:”